Zola's Twitter Tale of Strippers in Florida Is Easily the Wildest Thing You'll Read All Week

God bless Twitter.

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Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

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Is it possible to license tweets and adapt them into a screenplay? If so, someone call Harmony Korine. We found his follow-up to Spring Breakers.

Last night a young lady by the Twitter name of @_zolarmoon randomly decided to bless her timeline with an absolutely ridiculous, absurd, so-outrageous-it-can't-be-true-which-probably-means-it's-very-true tale of strippers, Hooters, Florida, and murder. To quote Zola herself, "this story long but it's full of suspense."

It starts when Zola, a loquacious Hooters waitress, strikes up a friendship with a "white bitch" customer (Zola's words, not mine) who several tweets later is revealed to be named Jessica. The two girls get to vibing over their shared "hoeism," forming such a bond that the next day said White Bitch Jessica invites Zola to travel to Florida with her. Zola, despite reservations over having just met "this here bitch," agrees to go because apparently Florida is ripe for dancing and "hoeism," and one can rake in as much as $15k.  

And that's as much recapping as I'm going to do because to go further would be to rob you of the narrative experience. It's like reading an episode recap of Sunday night TV without actually watching the episode. Do yourself a favor on this dreary Wednesday and read every single tweet, then try and recall the last time you got this type of entertainment for free. Zola just fucked around and filled the Wednesday ratchet entertainment void left by no new Empire tonight, b.

And this, folks, is why Twitter is the greatest social media platform out. It's not like you're getting three-act stripper odysseys on Facebook. Read the entire story, as screenshotted by some hero on imgur or on Storify.

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