The word "ratchet" may be played out, but until the Internet agrees upon a more accurate description for these crimes, it will have to do. These stories are sad, imaginative, and they inspire us to have conversations about race, class, and the American dream.
This week's roundup includes crowbar poundings, weed disguised as watermelon, and groping from The Amazing Spider-Man . Each crime is rated on our Ratchet Meter, a base-10 logarithmic scale modeled after a similar system developed by Charles Richter—except that the Ratchet Meter has nothing to do with science because it's not actually a real thing.
Read on for the best of the worst ratchet crimes in America. Proceed with caution, stay safe, don't try this at home, and send your tips to [email protected].
And for your viewing pleasure, here's the latest episode of Ratchet News Network with The Kid Mero, in which the Hood Walter Cronkite takes a look at America's youth:
The word "ratchet" may be played out, but until the Internet agrees upon a more accurate description for these crimes, it will have to do. These stories are sad, imaginative, and they inspire us to have conversations about race, class, and the American dream.
This week's roundup includes crowbar poundings, weed disguised as watermelon, and groping from The Amazing Spider-Man . Each crime is rated on our Ratchet Meter, a base-10 logarithmic scale modeled after a similar system developed by Charles Richter—except that the Ratchet Meter has nothing to do with science because it's not actually a real thing.
Read on for the best of the worst ratchet crimes in America. Proceed with caution, stay safe, don't try this at home, and send your tips to [email protected].
And for your viewing pleasure, here's the latest episode of Ratchet News Network with The Kid Mero, in which the Hood Walter Cronkite takes a look at America's youth:
This Week's Most Ratchet Crimes in America
The word "ratchet" may be played out, but until the Internet agrees upon a more accurate description for these crimes, it will have to do. These stories are sad, imaginative, and they inspire us to have conversations about race, class, and the American dream.
This week's roundup includes crowbar poundings, weed disguised as watermelon, and groping from The Amazing Spider-Man . Each crime is rated on our Ratchet Meter, a base-10 logarithmic scale modeled after a similar system developed by Charles Richter—except that the Ratchet Meter has nothing to do with science because it's not actually a real thing.
Read on for the best of the worst ratchet crimes in America. Proceed with caution, stay safe, don't try this at home, and send your tips to [email protected].
And for your viewing pleasure, here's the latest episode of Ratchet News Network with The Kid Mero, in which the Hood Walter Cronkite takes a look at America's youth:
Queens Man Who Was Literally Stabbed in the Back Didn't Flip Because of His "Cool Demeanor"
Date: 6/24/2014
Location: Queens, N.Y.
Crime: Pending
Ratchet Meter: 9
By now, you've probably seen the mind-blowing image of a man standing inside of a Queens McDonald's with a knife in his back, blood running down his white t-shirt. Because a picture is worth a thousand words, there's so much more to this story.
The victim, 53-year-old Andrew Hardy, was stabbed with a kitchen knife during an altercation outside of the restaurant on Tuesday June 24th. This type of incident might rattle the common man, but Hardy kept his composure, calling his 22-year-old daughter to tell her that he was most likely going to miss their Think Like a Man Too movie date.
"Me and my daughter was supposed to be spending quality time together," he told the New York Post. "We were meeting up that afternoon." Hardy says his daughter flipped out, because why wouldn't she? "She got hysterical, naturally . . . but I still kept my cool because, if I had really got hurt, stabbed-stabbed, I would have really known that it had hit some vital," he added. "S***, I got a cool demeanor."
He also has 106 arrests for charges ranging from petit larceny to weapons possession, and has been in and out of jail, including a six-month bid in 2008. A stabbing is nothing to him.
Robert Boyce, NYPD Chief of Detectives, told DNAinfo that Hardy refuses to cooperate with the investigation, which police are moving forward with regardless.
Baltimore Police Officers Accused of Slitting Dog's Throat
Date: 6/14/2014
Location: Baltimore, Md.
Crime: Animal cruelty, aggravated animal cruelty, and malfeasance in office.
Ratchet Meter: 8
Two Baltimore Police Department officers have been suspended for allegedly slitting a dog's throat, authorities say.
The Baltimore Sun reports that officers Thomas Schmidt and Jeffrey Bolger responded to a call Saturday June 14th regarding a 7-year-old Shar-Pei who had escaped her home and bitten a stranger. The dog's owner, Sarah Gossard, said her dog, Nala, fled from her home through a gate that she didn't know she had left open:
The dog wandered into nearby Brewers Hill, where police said a woman tried to stop the lost dog and find its home when the Shar-Pei bit her hand, leaving a superficial wound. The woman called police to help capture the dog, and officers from the Southeastern District responded and helped corral the dog in an empty lot in the 900 block of Grundy St.
The Sun adds that after Schmidt and Bolger were finally able to restrain the dog, witnesses recalled seeing Schmidt hold it while Bolger slit its throat. Prior to exiting their police vehicle, another witness reportedly heard Bolger say "I'm going to [expletive] gut this thing."
Baltimore Police Spokesman Lt. Eric Kowalczyk told the Sun that an internal affairs investigation will examine "the specifics of the incident." Meanwhile, police brass are still trying to figure out why they didn't learn of the dog's death until the weekend was over.
Schmidt has been placed on paid administrative leave, while Bolger was suspended without pay after being charged with animal cruelty, aggravated animal cruelty, and malfeasance in office.
Authorities Investigate Texas Day Care Center for Confining Children to Sleeping Mats with Duct Tape
Date: 6/20/2014
Location: Parker County, Texas
Crime: Pending
Ratchet Meter: 9
Authorities are investigating a Texas day care center after two children were reportedly bound to their sleeping mats with duct tape because they wouldn't sleep during scheduled nap time.
ABC News reports that photos of a child taped to a sleeping mat emerged on June 17th and began circulating among parents whose children also attended Heart2Heart Montessori Academy in Parker County, Texas. The pictures were reportedly taken by another teacher who resigned shortly after.
On Wednesday, June 18th Lorrie Almquist received a call from the school's owner, Pam Decker, who informed her that her 3-year-old son had also been taped down and took full responsibility:
Almquist said Decker had been complaining for weeks about her son not sleeping during nap time, and had even requested that Almquist buy a weighted blanket to help keep her son down during nap time.
An "irate" Almquist contacted the Willow Park Police Department and Child Protective Services, as did another parent. School director Ashlea Pena issued an email to parents calling Decker's decision "thoughtless" and "foolish," yet still defended the school, insisting that the allegations had been "extremely exaggerated."
Almquist remarked that Pena, who has an infant daughter, would feel the same way if her child experienced this. She's since taken her son out of Heat2Heart Montessori Academy, and the Texas Department of Family and Protective Services' Child Licensing Division has launched an investigation.
Millions of Dollars Worth of Marijuana Disguised as Watermelons Discovered in Arizona
Date: 6/19/2014
Location: Tucson, Ariz.
Crime: Drug trafficking
Ratchet Meter: 8
Authorities pulled over a tractor trailer carrying watermelons in Arizona. Upon further inspection, they got one hell of a surprise: not only were the watermelons fake, they contained millions of dollars worth of marijuana.
According to Fox News, U.S. Customs and Border Patrol agents in Tucson stopped the vehicle on Interstate 19 late Thursday, June 19th. After deploying X-ray imaging, they learned that the "watermelons" were actually packages containing weed that had been painted to appear like watermelons.The value of the drugs is estimated to be in the millions.
The driver, reportedly a smuggler for a Mexican cartel, had already traveled into the U.S., but was stopped 20 miles from the border. Both the vehicle and the drugs were seized.
Tucson Customs and Border Patrol agent Bryan Flowers noted that smugglers often get creative with their methods. "We've seen individuals use false compartments in the seats and gas tanks," he told Fox News. "We've also found marijuana in tractor trailers here before."
Another Day, Another Times Square Spider-Man Arrest
Date: 6/20/2014
Location: New York, N.Y.
Crime: Forcible touching
Ratchet Meter: 6
Just days after one Times Square Spider-Man was acquitted for allegedly punching a woman who declined to give him a tip, another was arrested for doing much of the same, officials say.
The New York Daily News reports that 22-year-old Queens resident Moussa Rabaoui groped a woman on Broadway Friday June 20th. Authorities say that when she expressed obvious displeasure with his actions, he responded with expletives. The woman informed police in the area, who arrested Rabaoui and charged him with forcible touching.
This comes after 36-year-old Phillip Williams was found not guilty June 18th of striking Victoria Goreaciuc, 46, in Times Square in Feb. 2013 because she refused to give him a tip after posing for pictures with her children, then struck him with a block of ice when he cursed at her.
World's Dumbest Criminal' Locked Up After Forgetting To Log Out Of Facebook On Victim's Computer
Date: 6/23/2014
Location: St. Paul, Minn.
Crime: Breaking and entering, theft
Ratchet Meter: 10
If your chosen career path is that of a criminal, at least be good at your job. Make sure to wipe away all the fingerprints, wear a mask, and never leave anything behind. Most importantly, make sure to log out of all social media that you may have used while chilling at your victims' house on their computer.
Nicholas Wig, a 26 year-old from Minnesota, was arrested for breaking & entering as well as for theft of cash, credit cards, a watch, and a cell phone all because he forgot to log out of his Facebook page before leaving the scene of the crime. When victim James Wood arrived home post-burglary, he noticed several pieces of clothing that weren't his, then upon checking his computer, noticed Wig was still logged onto Facebook.
According to CBS News, Wood then did what any rational individual would do: he posted a status update from Wig's profile to say that he had just been robbed and Wig was responsible. Wig then agreed to meet with Wood to give him back his things in exchange for the clothes he left behind.
When Wig came back with nothing but a recycled iPhone, Wood realized the meet and greet to get his possessions back was not enough. Shortly after, Wood saw Wig walking down the street and called the police.Wig was arrested wearing Wood's watch and faces up to 10 years in prison.
Wood's thoughts on Wig's efforts? "World's dumbest criminal, I don't know."
Philadelphia Swiss Cheese Masturbator Pleads Guilty, Sentenced to 8 Years of Probation
Date: 1/14/2014
Location: Philadelphia, Pa.
Crime: Indecent exposure, harassment, and stalking
Ratchet Meter: 9
The notorious Philadelphia Swiss cheese masturbator has been sentenced to eight years of probation after pleading guilty to flashing four women and asking them to pleasure him with cheese.
The Philadelphia Inquirer reports that 42-year-old Christopher Pagano pleaded guilty to indecent exposure and harassment charges on Thursday, June 19. In January, he was arrested after being accused of creeping up to three women in his vehicle in Northeast Philadelphia, exposing himself, then asking them to masturbate him using a slice of cheese. Following his arrest, a fourth victim came forward.
Pagano, who's married and has a 12-year-old daughter, must enter an in-patient sex-offender treatment program. Furthermore, the Inquirer notes that a judge limited the use of Pagano's vehicle to "work, church, and medical appointments.
Determined Florida Woman Liberates Herself from Handcuffs, Ingests Weed Police Took From Her
Date: 6/13/2014
Location: Brevard County, Fla.
Crime: DUI, minor hit-and-run, and marijuana possession
Ratchet Meter: 9
There's no getting between some people and the things they value. For one Florida woman, that thing is weed.
Tavish Smith was pulled over on Jun. 13 for driving the wrong way on U.S. 1, crashing her truck, then crashing it again. During a search of her vehicle, Florida Highway Patrol officers found a bag of marijuana. The obviously intoxicated Smith was taken into custody, but she would not be denied her precious weed.
Video footage shows Smith free herself from the handcuffs, retrieve her weed, then eat it. She might've (okay, probably wouldn't have) gotten away with it, if it weren't all on video. The weed crumbs on her face didn't help, either.
Smith was charged with DUI, minor hit-and-run, and marijuana possession. No one can keep Tavish Smith away from her weed-not even Johnny Law.
Florida Teen Allegedly Killed Grandmother at Her Nudist Community Home, Then Drove Around with the Body
Date: 6/24/2014
Location: Lutz, Fla.
Crime: First-degree murder
Ratchet Meter: 9
A teenager in Florida allegedly killed his grandmother at her home, then proceeded to drive around with her body in a vehicle for close to five hours. It's also probably worth noting that his grandmother lived in a nudist community.
According to WFTV, 18-year-old Brandon Machetto was spotted carrying what a neighbor thought was a body out of the Paradise Lakes community in Lutz, Fla., where Sylvia Schmitt, 74, resided. The neighbor told police that Machetto then placed the body into a minivan, and he reportedly continued to drive even when Pasco County sheriff's deputies attempted to pull him over.
Machetto was eventually taken into custody after returning to Paradise Lakes. He was charged with first-degree murder and is currently being held without bail. WFTV adds that witnesses recalled hearing Machetto fight with his grandmother, and that he suffered a brain injury in the past.
Dad Takes Teen Daughter to Fight Other Teen Girl in Hicksville, Hits Boy With Crowbar
Date: 6/18/2014
Location: Hicksville, N.Y.
Crime: Second-degree assault
Ratchet Meter: 9
A Long Island man is accused of driving his 17-year-old daughter and three friends to fight another teenage girl in the appropriately-named town of Hicksville.
According to CBS New York, upon arriving at Abe Levitt Park, Richard Ortiz hit a boy on the head with a crowbar when he had tried to prevent the fight from happening. That's right: A dad hit a teen with a crowbar because was trying to stop his daughter from fighting another girl.
After conking said boy on the noggin, Ortiz took off with his daughter and her friends in tow. Ortiz later turned himself in to police and was charged with second-degree assault.
