10 Lies the World Tells You About Life After College

Doesn't it feel like older generations have banded together just to let you know how terrible life is going to be after college? You hear it from the striped polo-shirt and khaki-wearing dads who stroll campus during homecoming, telling tales of their collegiate glory days to anyone who'll listen. You hear it from the doom-and-gloom newscasters who run features twice a month on the bleak job market for recent grads. You hear it from professors who snidely remark that there are no bonus points for participation in the "real world."

It seems that everyone wants a chance to let you know how good you have it, and just how terrible life is going to be as soon as you exchange your cap and gown for business casual. The team at City Guide may not know everything, but we do know what it's like to be in our 20s, because, well, we are. Here are 10 Lies the World Tells You About Life After College.

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Even though we live in progressive times, people still imagine themselves being married by the time they hit their late 20s. If you don't, your grandmother certainly does. The truth is that you might be a few relationships away from the sick bachelor party and disappointing honeymoon we all dream of. You could wake up one day and find that the spark is gone, or you could be transferred to Anchorage for work and realize that your relationship can't take the distance. At any moment, you can find yourself thrust back into the dating scene. The good news is that many of your friends will still be single, and with the ever-increasing divorce rate, you'll find that new friends are joining you in bachelorhood every day. By time you're 30, you'll have the same size dating pool you had when you were 20. And this time around, it's a lot easier to get laid.

Sure, you won't have the body you had when you were 20, but thankfully, you won't have the mind you had at 20 either.

The majority of the workforce won't end up in careers that have anything to do with their major. In fact, a recent study found that half of recent grads will take jobs that don't even require a degree. Your undergraduate major likely won't be the key to a lucrative professional life. Even fields with tangible job opportunities often require graduate work for the best positions. You can let this news depress you, or you can allow it to liberate you.

Not to sound like a filthy hippie, but perhaps you should choose your college major based on how you want to view the world, not how you would like to view your bank account. When you are working as a bartender with a business major on one side and a pre-law grad on the other, at least you'll be able to quote Shakespeare. While they're drinking too much of the good stuff on the job, you'll remember that the Bard once said, "[Alcohol] provokes the desire but takes away the performance." Now that's worth something.

Damn, we hope not. From being excluded from frat parties and gaining the freshman fifteen when you arrive, to being so busy writing theses your senior year that you have no time to explore those newly husky freshmen, college is rough. You are guaranteed to live in an awful apartment. Your dining options are limited to "buffet style" and "a la carté." You're required to take classes you don't like, taught by bitter jerks who don't like you because you don't understand their obscure field. Every day is filled with nagging, persistent doubt that plagues you as you navigate swarms of petition-toting, folk guitar-playing, hacky sack-kicking classmates. And you can't even legally drink for the first several years of it.

But, oh yeah, that's much worse that living where you want, with who you want, how you want for the rest of your life. If these are the best four years of your life, we truly pity you.

Your GPA does matter...until you get your first job or internship. From that point on, no matter how cliché it is, it truly will be about "who you know." A prospective employer wants to know two things: 1) "Will they do good work?" and 2) "Will they do it on time?"

Yes, good grades are one indicator of this, but an even better indicator is someone they know calling them and vouching for you. If you're going to go after the grades, do it for yourself, not for your future boss who dropped out of community college. All that your college grades will get you after the fact is a commiserating glance from the guy next to you at the bar who also graduated summa cum laude.

Exception to the rule: If you're applying to grad school, your undergrad GPA matters. After you graduate, the above once again applies.

Thank you for your input, guy who knows everything about every job ever. Not even your professors know the full utility of the skills you've learned in school. Theatrical set designers have become wealthy interior decorators. Philosophy majors have become successful consultants. Studio art majors who design corporate logos can earn fat paychecks. Many of the highest paying jobs of today didn't even exist when your parents were in school.

Of course, odds are that a degree in accounting is more profitable than a degree in experimental theatre, but let's face the facts: you would have made a terrible accountant. Also, the odds of seeing your classmates naked are exponentially higher in experimental theatre.

Not necessarily. The thing about the "real world" is that there are infinite choices, and the results are different for everyone. Sure, there are the needling issues of feeding and clothing yourself, but that doesn't mean that life after matriculation is a downhill slide.

There are no more general educations requirements, no more homework, and you no longer have to see people you don't want to see. If they don't pay you to be around them, you never have to see them again. Even if your job is awful, you still have eight hours of your day to spend however you like, going wherever you like, with whomever you want. Sure, your job might suck, but you can always get a new job. You only have two weeks to pick new classes. See how much easier things are now? How much freedom you have?

You are going to meet people who have worked hard their entire lives and never found success. They may have contentment in a way that a Fortune 500 CEO could only dream of, but by the superficial standards of society, they have not succeeded. The jazz musician who is still griding away anonymously in clubs after forty years gigging, the art teacher who exhibits at the gallery on weekends, the craftsman who sells his wares out of a beat up pick-up truck: none of these people "succeeded," not one of them has attained the "American Dream." Fortune and notoriety generally only come about as a result of hard work, but you'll also need opportunity. You have to find yourself at the right place at the right time.

You'll also meet people who drifted into financial comfort and even success through no effort of their own. Try not to punch them in the face.

Poverty is relative. Compared to your parents' two-income having, 401K investing, fully-paid off mortgage setup, yes, you'll be poor as hell. In some cities, waitresses make mid-five figures. Laborers with the right trade can make more than that. Now imagine if you become valuable to a company based on the skills you learned in college (a.k.a. the reason you went to college): the sky's the limit.

The only time you saw five figures in college was when you got your student loan statements. Life after college might not always be easy, but you'll only be eating ramen when you're unemployed, and once you make some friends who can hook you up with dog walking and bar-backing gigs until you get back on your feet, you won't be longing for the bread line. You might not be able to afford a house, but your apartment will probably have more to it than third-hand couch, a beer-bong, and a Scarface poster. It's a simple life, but it will satisfy you. Probably.

Whenever I would go through one of my bi-monthly existential crises in college, my father would always tell me, "I'm just doing my job until I figure out what I really want to do." My father is in his mid-60s. People who present themselves as though they have all the answers are trying to sell you something. And if you ever become a person who thinks they have it all figured out, I'd be shocked if people want to be around you.

Every day, we spend our time grappling with fundamentally simple questions: "How do I stop sleeping with my boy's girlfriend?" "How can I stop wasting all this money?" "How do I quit buying Double Stuf Oreos at the supermarket?" If we can't find these answers, how can we expect to find answers to the really hard questions?

We are all a long way from having it all figured out.