UPDATED 4:23 p.m. ET: Today in headlines that end in a question mark to avoid accountability, we have this: Us Weekly, an allegedly real publication, is out here claiming a "Kardashian friend" told them that Kim Kardashian "wants a divorce" from husband Kanye West. "It will take some time before she can do anything," this so-called "friend" said Wednesday. "But she doesn't want to stay married."

West has reportedly been receiving outpatient treatment since being released from UCLA Medical center last month, meaning Kardashian "won't make any decisions" until he fully recovers. However, Us Weekly's rumor specialists claim these feelings have been brewing for some time. "She cares about Kanye and feels relieved he's getting the help he needs" this alleged friend, apparently the sort of "friend" who runs off and blabs to grocery store checkout line magazines, said. "But she's felt trapped for awhile."

For those of you itching to scream "KARDASHIAN CURSE IS REAL!" right now, may I kindly suggest you shut the fuck up? We already told you that shit is not real:

"We're smarter (and better) than this. The people of Salem couldn't diagnose smallpox, Bill Buckner fucked the Red Sox, the Cubs choked, and no—there isn't a Kardashian Curse."

Kardashian, of course, has remained largely absent from social media and public appearances since being robbed at gunpoint in Paris in October. In honor of her late father, Kardashian was originally scheduled to make her first major appearance since the robbery last month. Those plans were canceled, however, when West was hospitalized after canceling the rest of his Saint Pablo tour.

Later Wednesday afternoon, sources told E! News that any divorce whisperings were simply not true. "I know for a fact that's not true," one source said. Another source added that Kardashian is "spending her time" taking care of West during his recovery and "does not want" a divorce, despite Us Weekly's claims.