Last night's telecast of the 71st Annual Golden Globes went as expected. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler killed it, Julia Louis-Dreyfuss provided us with some excellent GIFs, and American Hustle dominated the competition—which makes little sense if you saw every other movie in its category. But who cares about the opinions of the Hollywood Foreign Press anyway? Not us. Which is why we're hosting our own mini awards ceremony for the most deserving moments/people of the evening. Here are all the awards that should've been given out at the 2014 Golden Globes.

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