If we had to pinpoint the very moment where Katie's swag was effectively obliterated, we would look no further than Tom Cruise's infamous couch-trampolining moment on Oprah. It was then that we solidified our long-held suspicion that Cruise was drunk on the Scientology juice and had incurred some brain damage during his more than 20-year-bender. It was also then that we lost respect for Holmes and questioned her ability to make sane, rational choices.

Yes, when we heard news of the split, part of us proclaimed, "She's come to her senses!" but the cynical part of us also suspects Katie's synapses might still be firing incorrectly. We won't be convinced all is well in her pretty little cranium until she makes some sensible dating decisions, namely hooking up with an equally attractive, non-cult member roughly around the same age as her. 

Dating is difficult, we know, so allow us to play matchmaker and offer a few acceptable choices for when she's ready to get back out there. Remember back in the day when she dated the irritatingly wholesome Chris Klein? A modern day equivalent would be Bradley Cooper. Want to stick to quirkier breed of dude a la Mr. Cruise? Go for unpredictable intellectual James Franco. Even a few dates with Chase Crawford, her co-star in the upcoming Responsible Adults, would make a fine argument that her aptitude for choosing a suitable partner has improved drastically.  

See, Katie doesn't have to date an old man to find a talented equal! Some of her peers, despite not having been in Top Gun, have done some admirable work.