Double Negative: An Interview With EKKSTACY

An interview with EKKSTACY ahead of his debut EP 'Negative.' The 19-year-old Vancouver artist opens up about anxiety, trauma, and the ex who still inspires him.

P&P Original



It’s an hour before EKKSTACY performs in New York City for the first time, and he’s been drinking. He’s pacing around Brooklyn venue Baby’s All Right before the show, dressed in black pants, black Alexander McQueen sneakers, a studded belt, and a black Suspiria T-shirt with the neckline cut out, revealing the top half of a starfish-sized heptagram tattoo just below his throat. Black dreadlocks hang over his face, and he’s got chunky silver rings on most, if not all, of his fingers. He drinks before shows to take the edge off, but he’s especially anxious about this night in New York.

“I don’t really like New York really in the first place,” the 19-year-old artist from Vancouver explains, recalling the day. “I was with my friends and we had a room at The Standard, East Village. I didn’t want to do the show because I was so nervous, because I didn’t think it was going to be good. I was in the hotel room just drinking and being like, ‘Oh, fuck, I have a show tonight, fuck fuck fuck fuck.’”

While early fans are filtering in through the front door, EKKSTACY and his friend Pastel Drip slip outside and sit on the ground about 30 feet away, right outside the reach of the lights. Slumped over with backs against the wall, they vape for a few minutes and then circle around the small crowd by the entrance and walk back in. 

When the show starts, EKKSTACY looks like he’s in the zone. At over six feet tall with broad shoulders, he’s a physical presence. When his upbeat songs come on—unifying post punk melodies with SoundCloud rap-era scrappiness—he turns on the energy, bouncing up and down on stage while his hair does the same on top of his head, giving brief glimpses of his face. On the slower tracks, he sits on the front edge of the stage surrounded by the fans who already know all the words to his songs. He seems confident and in control of the space around him, but there’s also something fragile and withdrawn about the way he carries himself. When he’s not yelling ad-libs and wailing out hooks, he’s soft-spoken and reserved.

As a kid, EKKSTACY was hyper, happy, and had a pretty typical upbringing. On his first day of high school, his parents got divorced and he started to become more isolated and detached. For the first time in his life he didn’t have many friends. He describes his younger self as an outcast and a loser who wanted to make music but lacked the confidence required, and he didn’t feel like he had anything to say.

One night during high school, he tried drugs for the first time (he chooses not to disclose which substance) but it backfired and threw him into a temporary psychosis. In a state of drug-induced panic, EKKSTACY attempted suicide by jumping out of a window. He ended up in the hospital and was left with scars from the broken glass, but he survived. He says the traumatic experience triggered a change in him overnight. His mental health was at an all-time low, but he needed something to do and music became therapeutic. Plus, now he had something to talk about.

If EKKSTACY was a little bit older he might have been part of the SoundCloud rap movement of the 2010s, but by the time he was releasing music during his final years of high school, that wave had broken into three groups of artists: the few who became commercial stars, the many who remained mostly obscure underground acts, and the ones who passed away far too young. When EKKSTACY started taking music seriously, the SoundCloud scene as we know it was mostly a thing of the past. EKKSTACY and his friends knew they needed to develop their own sound if they wanted to stand out.

For the past years, he’s been doing just that. When he was in his early teens, he was listening to acts like Lil Peep and XXXTentacion, but more recently he’s gotten into indie rock, post punk, and songwriters like Elliott Smith. Since his first SoundCloud releases a couple of years ago, his style has changed drastically from track to track, and he struck gold with 2020’s “i walk this earth all by myself,” a lo-fi indie hit that has over 10 million streams on Spotify alone.

When I speak to EKKSTACY the week after his New York show, he’s back home in Vancouver at his dad’s house. As we talk through FaceTime, he sits in a dark room with blue lighting and chooses to stay mostly off camera while opening up about anxiety, his upcoming project Negative, and the nightmarish experience that made him turn to music in the first place. Despite some difficult topics coming up, he’s open to talking about it all, including the fact that on this particular day, he’s thinking about his ex-girlfriend.

EKKSTACY’s debut EP Negative is out November 12. Pre-save here.

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How are you?
I’m actually doing really good today. It was cool.

What did you do today?
I did an interview with BBC Radio 1 and it aired today, and so that was cool. And I saw my ex-girlfriend last night for the first time in a year and a half. It was sick, so yeah, I feel pretty decent.

Good, I’m glad I got to catch your show in New York. I know you said the LA one was better, but I liked getting to see you perform.
I appreciate that. I mean, I thought it was kind of mid. That was the first time I performed and it wasn’t sick, so it was weird. It was kind of scary. Usually when I’m on stage, I don’t have a single thought about anything except the music, but I was on stage thinking about shit that I shouldn’t have been thinking about, random shit. I wasn’t really in it.

What were the hours like leading up to that concert? What did you do in New York and how were you feeling before the show?
I don’t really like New York really in the first place. I was with my friends and we had a room at The Standard, East Village. I didn’t want to do the show because I was so nervous, because I didn’t think it was going to be good. Obviously I appreciate everyone that came, but I was just nervous. I was in the hotel room drinking and being like, “Oh, fuck, I have a show tonight, fuck fuck fuck fuck.” I get hella nervous before shows, bro. And I mean, afterwards you’re always like, “Well, that wasn’t bad.” But I have anxiety with that kind of stuff. I mean, I have anxiety with everything.

Are you self-conscious when you’re on stage?
On stage, usually that goes away due to adrenaline and alcohol, but in general, I’m very self-conscious in public. I’m always worried about something, but it’s not debilitating. It’s just something that’s always there. I’m not the most confident person. But it’s more how I look and that type of thing, not my music. It’s more about appearance and how people look at me.

How has it been doing the industry stuff, like taking label meetings? Is that also something that causes anxiety?
I feel like it was all right. I liked the meetings, like the stage when I was meeting with labels and all that. It was cool because I do really like talking to people. I like conversations, and I especially like talking to people when they want to talk to me. I couldn’t go up to someone and start a conversation, I would never do that. But when there’s someone that wants to get to know me and I know they actually want to get to know me, I enjoy that. I don’t feel like I’ve been in the industry long enough to have an opinion on it yet, but it’s been all right for now.

You’re still 19, right?
Yeah, I’m 19. I turned 19 this year. That’s crazy.

Do you still live in Vancouver?
Yeah, but I’m more in LA now. This year I probably spent more time in LA, but home is in Canada, yeah.

What is your day-to-day like when you’re in Vancouver?
The day-to-day is pretty fucking mid. I’ll probably wake up at like one o’clock. When I’m here, I stay inside. Seeing my ex yesterday was crazy. That was insane. But yeah, I usually just stay inside and make music. Nothing special. I like to shop a lot when I’m here because I feel pretty comfortable in downtown Vancouver. I don’t really feel comfortable in LA at certain times, and especially not in New York.

What do you not like about New York?
It makes me so lonely in New York for some reason because it seems like everyone’s doing something. It makes me lonely. There’s so many people around, and I don’t have shit to do there.

Do you get a lot of support from fans in Vancouver?
Not really. I mean dude, in my top 50 on Spotify, I don’t even know if Vancouver’s in there. Usually the hometown support comes last, right? Isn’t that what they say? I know I saw a $uicideboy$ interview where they said that.

Wait, I’m looking at top cities. Okay, here we go: Vancouver’s 35th in top cities out of 50.

How was it growing up in Vancouver? What were you like as a kid?
Loud and annoying and hyper as fuck. But I was nice, and I always had a lot of friends when I was really young, but moving more into high school, I was a little bit different. I mean, obviously you change when you grow up, but I didn’t have that many friends in high school. And I was super lost in high school. I didn’t know what to do, and I didn’t know who I was at all. I still don’t know if I do, but I was really bad. High school was really shitty for me.

What do you think caused that shift?
I don’t know. I just didn’t fit in. I didn’t feel like I belonged there whatsoever. Just in general, like in school or even in this city, I just don’t feel like I should be here. And luckily I got out because that was always my biggest goal was to get the fuck out of here. But yeah, school was rough.

What were you into outside of music?
I liked skating a lot. I skated, I still skate, and I used to fuck with sports when I was a kid. Not anymore, but I still fuck with skating.

Before you were making music, what kind of music were you listening to?
I was listening to SoundCloud shit and I was listening to indie. I was listening to [XXXTentacion] and Peep and Mac DeMarco, The Drums, Current Joys, stuff like that. And then before that, I was listening to Chris Brown, funny enough. I really fucked with Chris Brown when I was young.

I would not have guessed that. Were you big into SoundCloud when all those artists were taking off?
Yeah I was, but I also got into the rock shit by watching skate edits on YouTube and skate games and shit. That’s how I found rock, because no one was showing me rock. I had to find that on my own. I remember when I found indie music, I had been listening and I’d been trying to find what this music was called for so long as a kid, before I had a phone. I was like, “What the fuck is this stuff?” I’d hear it in a movie or I’d hear it in an edit or something and I’d be like, “Wow, this is so fire.” But I never knew what the genre was called, so I could never listen to it.

I remember I watched Surf’s Up as a kid and I heard “Welcome to Paradise” by Green Day. Obviously that’s not indie, but I had that song stuck in my head for years before I figured out what it was called.

Did you go to concerts? Did you even have access to the artists you wanted to see in Vancouver?
Not really, but I don’t know if I was really interested in going to concerts until recently. My first concert was my own concert, so that’s funny. I haven’t really seen many concerts, I’ve seen like two—I saw Members Only and then I saw Bones.

What was your first experience making music?
I wanted to make music since I was young, but I was way too scared. I didn’t have the confidence to make music, because I already felt like an outcast. But then I had a friend in school who was doing it. He was dropping shit on SoundCloud and he wasn’t bad. He kind of forced me to do it. But still, I didn’t really have shit to say. So I made a song with him once and he’s like, “Bro, this is so fire.” And I was like, “No, this is horrible. Delete it.” Then I went through some fucked up shit and after that, and I really changed as a person. I changed overnight. So I started recording after that.

You don’t have to get into it if you don’t want to, but do you want to talk at all about what that one thing was?
Yeah, I can, it’s not a problem. I did this specific drug one night and I had a psychotic episode. It was a really, really bad one that lasted hours. I tried to kill myself. I jumped out of a window because I was so scared. It was terror for hours, so I was like, “I’m done, I can’t do this anymore.” So I jumped out of a window. I got taken to the hospital and I lived. 

When I got home, I was completely different and I was really in a bad spot mentally. I needed something to do. I just started making music right there. It’s a weird story. It sounds fake, but that’s what happened.

You said you changed—do you think you changed for the better? Or were you in a bad place after that?
Well before that, I was just a happy kid. I mean, I was lonely and shit, but I was generally just more happy. But after that, I just… I don’t know. I got way worse. I had anxiety since I was a child, but it skyrocketed. I was just really bad in every way. It was shit, but that’s what I pulled from in music. That’s not really what I pull from anymore, but you can tell. If you hear my old music from two years ago, it’s way darker.

But I didn’t fully answer the question. I mean, it definitely changed me for the better I’d say. Even though I had to go through a lot of pain, it matured me multiple years in one night. I grew up after that.

Some artists say that those dark times can lead to some of the best music. Do you feel like that at all?
Definitely. I feel like I can only make music when I’m upset. I don’t even want to make music when I’m not upset. It doesn’t feel genuine.

At what point did you drop out of school?
I dropped out in grade 12. Like a year and a half ago.

Was that so you could focus on music more, or did you just not like school?
I mean, I fucking hated school. But I also had a girlfriend at the time in grade 12 and she had a huge impact on me. We broke up, and I was already failing every class and I didn’t want to go to school. My music was doing really bad at the time too, so I was kind of giving up and I was just like, “Fuck it. I’m just going to drop out.” It was a mixture of me not wanting to see her and me failing everything already and just giving up pretty much.

“I feel like I can only make music when I’m upset. I don’t even want to make music when I’m not upset. It doesn’t feel genuine.”

I’m not even going to really say that it had anything to do with music to be real. I knew I wanted to make music and I knew that’s the only thing that I could do, but I didn’t drop out so I could work on music all day. I dropped out because I was feeling like shit.

Now you’re traveling, doing shows for the first time. Do you feel like you’re in a good place with your music now? Are there things that you want that you haven’t gotten yet?
Yeah. I don’t feel complete at all. I mean, there’s still a lot to do. I’m still very early in this shit, but I was really happy when things started to take off at first. Like when you guys posted “i walk this earth” on your page, I was going crazy. During that time period, I was really happy with music. But now I’ve gotten used to it. Obviously I’m grateful for everything that’s happening but there’s still something missing in my life for sure.

As you have started to see some success, have you kept the same people around you? Or how do you choose who to surround yourself with?
I’ve had the same three friends for a while now. I’ve kept the same circle for a while, but I joined a collective in early 2020, an online collective called Contra. We’ve been talking on Discord and recently we started hanging out in real life.

It’s such a weird time for you to be coming up during the quarantine. Does it feel a little bit less real because you haven’t been able to go out and perform and see people as much?
At the beginning for sure, but now that I’m kind of out here it’s cool. But I feel like nothing really excites me. I don’t know why. I mean, I get joy from this shit, but I’m never freaking out about anything, you know? I never really cared about shit. It sounds corny, but it’s really just how I feel. I really just don’t care.

Without concerts, a lot of artists got really active on the internet, constantly making content and putting themselves out there. You’ve been a little more lowkey.
Yeah, I don’t like that shit. I’m not saying I don’t like what people are doing. I just don’t like doing it myself. As I said, I’m self-conscious. I don’t want to be on social media at all, but I have to, because that’s just how you play the fucking game. If there was a way that I didn’t have to do that, I wouldn’t. But there’s no way around it.

Are there other ways that you connect with fans?
Since I have to use social media, the best way that I connect with my fans is going live on Instagram. Some of them are shit, but some of them are fucking insane, just like three-hour long Lives. The best ones are 15, 20 people at three in the morning and we talk for hours. I used to be super in my DMs talking to people and shit. But the Lives though, I’ll do the Lives forever. I’ll never stop doing those. It’s one of my favorite things.

That’s a different kind of connection. It’s a deeper connection when you’re actually having conversations with fans.
Yeah, there are people that I’ve been talking to in Lives or on DMs forever, and I started to meet them at shows now. I know this one fool who drove 10 hours to come to the LA show and he didn’t have a spot to stay after, so I let him stay at the hotel. It was sick.

I like those kinds of connections. I don’t like being alone and I don’t like feeling alone. I think it all stems from that. And a weird thing for me is that I had a lot of friends when I was a kid, and I’ve always had a good family until my parents divorced, but I don’t know where that fear of being by myself comes from.

Do you feel any satisfaction out of knowing millions of people are listening to your music and want to get to know you? Does that fill any kind of void for you?
I know my music comforts people and it helps people, but that’s not why I make music, you know? It’s to comfort me. I started music as therapy. So yeah, I’m not saying I’m not happy that my music helps people, because that’s sick. I appreciate that my music helps people, but my music was ultimately always for me.

ekkstacy by TabsOfJoy

I wanted to ask you about the tattoo across your chest. What is it and when did you get it?
It was my first trip to LA when I was doing all the meetings. And it was my birthday so I told [my manager] Andrew that I wanted a tattoo, and he introduced me to his friend who does tattoos. It says love in Russian and I got it because of this girl that I’ve been talking to from Russia for a long time. She’s just really cool and I don’t know, she just inspired me to get it.

And what about the face tats, when did you get those?
[Laughs] They were my first tattoos. I have three now, but I got the anarchy one and the star when I was 17. It was right after I dropped out of school, so I was like, “Fuck it. I’m getting face tat.” Usually face tats are an indication that I’m doing very bad mentally. I get face tats when I’m going through something. They’re like a coping mechanism.

Yeah. Some people say you get a face tattoo because you know, “I’ll never have to go to a real job interview.” So it’s like a commitment.
It’s definitely a commitment, but a lot of people say they get them for motivation too. I just got them because I was just in the mud. My music was doing so shitty when I got these tattoos. I was like yeah, I just don’t care.

Beyond stuff that influences you, what kind of music are you listening to lately?
I fuck with Joji a lot. Joji is probably my favorite artist that’s alive. I listen to him all the time. I’ve literally got him on right now on the TV. I listen to a lot of Current Joys too. I listen to The Drums a lot. I listen to Bon Iver a lot. I really like acoustic music when I’m just chilling by myself. It depends on the day. Sometimes I’m listening to indie, sometimes I’m listening to post punk. I like electronic too. I like Crystal Castles a lot. I like Lebanon Hanover.

“I feel like I’m not special, you know? There’s a lot of people that feel like me and I’m just expressing it and they appreciate it.”

It was recently that I started to really love music. Up until maybe 2021, I was just listening to mainstream indie shit and then well-known SoundCloud stuff, but I went much deeper into music this year.

Your manager mentioned that you were into Elliott Smith too.
Oh yeah. I like Elliott Smith a lot. I haven’t been listening to him as much though, but I used to listen to Elliot Smith a lot when I was drinking. He’s like drinking music for me.

Lyrically, Elliott had a lot of the kind of dark, self-loathing stuff that you can hear a little bit in your music. Overall, would you describe yourself as an unhappy person?
I don’t want to say that I’m so depressed all the time, but I mean, at the end of the day, I pretty much feel the same as I did a while ago. I’m easily distracted, so when I’m out doing stuff I feel pretty good, but when I’m back at home, by myself, I don’t usually feel very good. That’s when I record or just listen to music. I used to be obnoxiously sad two years ago, and you can hear it in my music. But now it’s kind of just like… I don’t know, I’m used to it.

How do you feel about kids looking up to you? Is that uncomfortable at all?
I feel like I’m not special, you know? There’s a lot of people that feel like me and I’m just expressing it and they appreciate it. So yeah, it’s all good. I think it’s cool. It’s weird for me obviously because I think I’m a loser. Like kids will text me and they’re like, “I want to be like you” or “I want to look like you.” And shit, it doesn’t make any sense to me. I accept it, but I don’t think that anyone should have an idol though, because you should just be you. But people are going to do what they want. I mean, I used to idolize people, but then they all died.

Who were those people?
Like [XXXTentacion]. I really loved X when I was younger, like when I was 16. I thought he was the coolest.

He was also into doing different kinds of things musically. I first got into you from the more upbeat songs like “i walk this earth,” but then the thing that got me more interested is that you can make songs like “in love” and “see you later.” Do those songs all come from the same place, or are you in a different mood when you’re writing something slower?
No, I definitely feel a lot different. When I’m recording the acoustic, the slower stuff, it’s pretty much always the same setting. It’s me, at home. I have to be at home to record those songs, in this room and it has to be really dark and I’m always drinking wine. Dude, alcohol’s really… I mean, it sounds stupid, but alcohol’s one of my vices for sure. I used to be really bad with that. I used to be an alcoholic. Like when I was 17, I was fucked up off that shit pretty bad. But now I’m not.

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And you don’t do drugs anymore because of that one experience?
No. Literally I did drugs once and I never will again. I feel left out, because I’ve got a lot of friends that do drugs. I mean, I know that it’s not the best thing. Whenever I speak about drugs in my music, I’m talking about prescriptions that I’ve abused or alcohol. But yeah, I kind of want to try again, but I don’t know. I’m too nervous after that, you know?

Yeah. It might not be worth it.
It might not be bro. I could fuck around and die, because I almost died last time.

We’re seeing the younger artists who grew up on SoundCloud and listened to Lil Peep and XXX get older, and now they’re discovering other things and making music themselves. It seems like there’s a new wave of blended influences coming in. Do you think you and your peers are carving out your own lane?
Yeah, it’s coming up. There’s definitely another SoundCloud wave happening, but I’m not super into that because I’m more into rock music now. I used to be more into the 808s. But yeah, we’re definitely going to figure this out and we’re going to come up with our own shit. I mean, we’re pretty much there, but we just have to keep refining it. I think we’re pretty close.

Does that community of new artists exist anywhere for you, the way a lot of the SoundCloud rappers were all in the same orbit? You mentioned Discord, but are there other places where you can find other people in your lane or on the same wavelength?
No, I feel like I have enough people around me at this point. I don’t like working with people I don’t know really. It’s not something I enjoy. I like doing shit by myself most of the time and it’s not because I think that I’m better or anything, I just like doing it myself. But I did really enjoy working with Jonny [Pierce, of The Drums] recently. He’s sick. He’s one of the best people ever. So working with him was amazing.

Usually, I make a song in an hour or two hours, but [“f*ck everything!”] took days. Just because we kept fucking refining it and refining it and doing more. And it wasn’t even torture, because if it was anyone else, it probably would have been torture. But since it was with Jonny, I was enjoying it.

Your music is interesting because it has this catchy retro sound on songs like “i walk this earth,” but it’s still got a DIY feel. How did you land on that combination?
Yeah man, I don’t know. A lot of people will ask me if I like The Cure and Joy Division and stuff and I’m like, “No, I’ve heard no songs from either of those bands.” So people always get weirded out, but I just do what I think sounds cool.

Do you produce and play instruments?
Minimally. I’m trying to get into it now more. I play guitar, but not insanely. More acoustic than electric, but I’m going to get an electric soon. Before I made music I produced lo-fi beats under a different name, so I know my way around. I can produce a song if I have to.

I’m going to start playing more myself. I want to be completely independent in that sense where I don’t have to rely on anyone to do anything. I feel like I’ll unlock some crazy new sound that I don’t even know about yet.

Do you feel like you’re making exactly what you want to make right now, or are you limited by resources or what you know how to do?
I mean, there’s always something cooler. I work with this one dude mostly now called Mangetsu and he’s in the collective that I was talking to you about, Contra. He’s really sick and he produces a lot of music for me and Pastel [Drip]. He produced “it only gets worse” in a couple hours and then he sent it to me and I made the song. But I don’t feel satisfied with my sound yet. I’ll take it way further.

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Do you have favorites out of your own songs?
I don’t listen to my music really ever. I don’t really like it. I like my slower songs more than anything if I have to listen to my own music. I can’t just sit around listening to my own shit. But if I slow it down, I can definitely listen to my own music, because it doesn’t sound like me anymore. So that’s why I be doing that a lot. I love slow music in general. I was slowing down music before it was a trend, like slowed plus reverb on YouTube.

You’ve gotta make an EKKSTACY chopped and screwed album.
Bro, in 2019, I made an entire album where every single song was slowed. But everyone was like, “Man, it’s not a good idea. Everything sounds better sped up.” I almost dropped it, but I never did. It was called I’m Tired. I didn’t drop it slow, I dropped it normal speed. But I thought it was so fucking sick dude. I should have done it. That would be so ahead of everything if I did that.

EKKSTACY studded belt white shirt

So you’ve got a project coming in November. How much can you tell me about that?
The album is a story. The title of every song lines up into a poem. It tells the story of me and my ex’s relationship from start to finish. Musically, I’ve been moving in phases. Phase one was the SoundCloud bullshit. Phase two was the acoustic shit. Phase three has been the indie stuff. And I might conclude the indie phase with the album, or I might continue it, I don’t know. But yeah, this project is kind of like the end of the chapter, I guess. And then onto something new.

Does your ex listen to your music? And do they know a lot of the songs are about them?
I’ve told her. I told her before that every song I write is about her. All of the songs where I speak about a girl, it’s always about her. I saw her last night for the first time in a year and a half. I don’t know why she is so important to me to this day. She just had a crazy impact on me.

How did she respond to the music?
She likes my music a lot. She really likes my song “Love,” which is funny because it’s literally about her. I feel like I’ll always have a spot for her, you know? She’s just special to me. If we had broken up a month ago and I was saying this, you wouldn’t have to take it seriously, but it’s been so fucking long.

Where did you meet her? 
I met her at school, in grade nine. So first year. I don’t even remember how it happened, but I tried to fuck with her for two years. But in school I was a loser, I was an outcast. They looked at me like a weirdo. So she wasn’t fucking with me, but when I came back from summer when grade 12 started, I was completely different because of what had happened.

I also had this new kind of confidence because at the time in 2019. I had just started music and people were paying attention to me, and I was doing shows and blah, blah, blah. And I thought I was really cool. So I came back to school and we started dating like two weeks later. I always thought that she thought I was ugly or something, but it was always just me just being a pussy.

The upcoming project is called Negative. Why did you call it that?
My mom is the main reason that it’s called Negative, but other people have called me that. In general, I’m pretty much a negative person and I just kept hearing it over and over and over and over again. So that’s why I named the project Negative. There was a point in time where I was just calling myself Negative. That was my name on all social media and shit. I remember I had a specific fight that was the final straw where I was fighting with one of my friends and he’s like, “You’re so fucking negative bro.” And I was just like, “Yeah, I guess I am.” And my mom always called me a negative person. Not so much anymore though, because I don’t see my mom that much, but when I was living with her I would hear that a lot. And she was right, I was. I am a negative person.

How does your family see your music now? Is it different now that things are working?
Yeah. They’re definitely proud. Before I was doing anything good with music, they thought I was a loser, because I was. I mean, I wasn’t working. I always have hated working. I worked a couple jobs here and there, but I never last more than a month without quitting. I hate answering to people, especially when it’s doing something that’s bullshit.

But yeah, my parents are proud of me now. It’s kind of funny to see their energy towards me switch so fast, but I guess that’s all it takes, right? I was the fuck-up in the family, and now I’m doing the best. Now I’m doing the best anyone in this family’s ever done. It’s funny, my dad’s always like, “You got more money than me. What the fuck you living here for?”

I know you mentioned that you’re still figuring things out, but how much do you think about your future? Do you have a vision for what you want to happen after this project?
I try not to think about the future at all. I don’t know why. I’m not scared of the future… well I kind of am. But yeah, I just live day to day pretty much. Maybe I should start thinking about the future, but I’m always more focused on what’s happening now. I have no idea what I’ll be doing in five fucking years bro. Hopefully I’m alive, that’s all I hope.