Malaysian Python Swallows Two Entire Goats, and the Photos Are INSANE

A couple of goats ran into some bad luck, i.e. a huge snake. The encounter did not end well.

January 24, 2017

This exhaustingly horrific story about an allegedly "greedy" python shrewdly encompasses every facet of our single universal fear: big ass snakes. This particular big ass snake, a python, has now been formally accused by the Daily Mail of devouring a pair of goats near a rural village in the Malaysian state of Pahang. Not one for the words version of such a story? Understandable. Here's some alleged photos of the post-meal physique of said python instead:

I, um... hold on.

This fucking guy, according to the Mail, boasted an intimidating length of 16 feet and thus qualifies as a big ass snake. The alleged goat eater had apparently slithered its way "through a wire fence" and onto the general stomping grounds of the unfortunate goats. Too afraid to approach or otherwise attempt to reason with the python, nearby residents reportedly "poked [the python] with sticks."

"This was the longest python I have ever seen," one witness reportedly claimed. The python, described as "greedy" approximately 5 times in the Mail's report, had apparently become so enlarged with post-goat malaise that simply slithering away wasn't a realistic option. Instead, this fucking guy was "tied up and carted away in a truck," per the Mail.

As previous stories of snake-related fuckery (should!) have taught us by now, snakes will be snakes.