We've all been there. You're entirely submerged in your favorite body of water, maybe an ocean or a lake or whatever tickles your aquatic fancy, and the sudden desire to experience and/or deliver cunnilingus strikes. The only problem? You're fucking underwater and you can't breathe and perform at the same time. A possible answer, as first uncovered by Jezebel, is this thing:
That, inquisitive readers, is the so-called Glow N Dark Pussy Snorkel. As its highly clickable name implies, it's a snorkel that glows in the dark while also enabling one to perform oral sex. But what the fuck do we know? Let the product description speak for itself:
The Pussy Snorkel allows a man to continue breathing while performing oral sex on a woman in a spa, bathtub or even a bowl of green Jell-O. Insert the breathing apparatus into your nostrils, rub the clitoral stimulator against your favorite coral reef and start with the tongue action. With the Pussy Snorkel, any man can be a dive master.
The reviews for this alleged product, which seems to be sold out at the moment, are hilariously varied. "Doesn't work," one customer writes. "I'm still drowning in pussy." Sadly, others exhibited an apparent misinterpretation of the product's promises:
At any rate, all of this is great news indeed for former stand-up comedian RAAAAAAAANDY, who once chronicled the difficulties of going down whilst underwater during his pre-Glow N Dark Pussy Snorkel days of fame:
Proceed with caution, underwater pleasure seekers.
