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In between climate change denial tweets and extended makeout sessions with Filet-O-Fish sandwiches, Trump managed to carve out some time in his busy schedule of nothing-ing to ramble in the general direction of the New York Times' Michael S. Schmidt Thursday. The interview, perhaps best read in the form of excerpts due to its dizzyingly convoluted subject matter, stands as merely the latest example of the failed steak salesman attempting to make some semblance of sense but ultimately falling way short.

On the topic of Russian collusion, Trump offered a string of his usual spewings about Clinton and the Electoral College. He also secreted this little number: "There is no collusion, and even if there was, it's not a crime. But there's no collusion."

That might as well be Trump's new campaign slogan. For context, here's where that sentence occurred in Trump's [inaudible]-filled Times rambling:

TRUMP: For purposes of the Justice Department, I watched Alan Dershowitz the other day, who by the way, says I, says this is a ridiculous —

SCHMIDT: He's been very good to you.

TRUMP: He's been amazing. And he's a liberal Democrat. I don't know him. He's a liberal Democrat. I watched Alan Dershowitz the other day, he said, No. 1, there is no collusion, No. 2, collusion is not a crime, but even if it was a crime, there was no collusion. And he said that very strongly. He said there was no collusion. And he has studied this thing very closely. I've seen him a number of times. There is no collusion, and even if there was, it's not a crime. But there's no collusion. I don't even say [inaudible]. I don't even go that far.

Trump's interpretation of Dershowitz's comments echoes previous remarks from one of his attorneys, Jay Sekulow.

Elsewhere in Thursday's Times interview, Trump reiterated that he's not a fan of Jeff "Make America Alabama Again" Sessions recusing himself from the Russia investigation and attempted to rationalize Roy Moore's hilarious Alabama loss by claiming he endorsed the accused child molester with the knowledge that he couldn't win against Doug Jones.

If you want your brain to start hurting earlier than usual this morning, read more excerpts from Trump's Times interview here.