The Year in Celebrity Hair F*ckery

Image via Complex Original

Kendrick Lamar is as low key as rappers get style-wise, having sworn off anything flashy in the blink-and-would-have-missed it line he drops in “Control,” in which he states, “And I ain’t rocking no more designer shitt/ White Tees and Nike Cortez, this is red Corvettes anonymous.” But while Kendrick didn’t necessarily flex in the clothing or accessories departments, he did manage to quietly flaunt one of the bolder hairstyles of the year in the form of baby Coolio braids. Just like his freestyles, it’s a lot to take in.

Eurotrash poster boy Cristiano Ronaldo flopped his way through the World Cup this past summer and his greasy over-side ‘do didn’t earn him any empathy. Though it somehow outperformed his play. Even though it’s more dated than Armani Exchange—a store where you’d find a lot of people browsing around with a similar look—it still has a healthy audience. It was the second most-searched celebrity hairstyle on Yahoo this year.

Neymar, the face of the 2014 World Cup, might not have led his home country Brazil to victory as many expected, but he certainly did go out with style—at least that would have been the case if it was still 1998 and every haircut came with a bleach dye job. His frosted tips were so distracting, they managed to overshadow that time he exposed his tie-dye team spirit bikini briefs, placing himself in danger of getting fined by FIFA.

Frank Ocean, one of the best R&B storytellers alive, seems like he could do no wrong. But he came dangerously close to doing exactly that earlier this year when he unveiled a blue dye job and simultaneously resurrected seapunk. Next year, he should probably stick with his trademark bandana.

God Level boundary-pusher Kanye West can do whatever he pleases but that doesn’t mean anyone else should emulate him—especially when it comes to his wacky buzzcuts. This year he took even more of a risk than in years past with a double arrow trim that became more of a punch line than an avant cut. When your hair becomes a meme, you need to step back and reassess—and this is coming from a Kanye apologist.

If Jared Leto was a woman, he’d be making every best styled hair list imaginable. He’s mastered the ombre dye job, beach waves, curls, the straight blow out, and wore those styles so well it even inspired his hair stylists to open a salon in NYC, named IGK. But when your luscious locks inspire envy in every member of the opposite sex, and are simultaneously responsible for the manbun spreading becoming a favorite among bros, you’ve got a problem.

Kim Jong-un gave the free world yet another reason to hate on him this year when reports circulated that he was ordering every male student in his country to get makeovers with his haircut. As if his half-butt cut, half-buzz cut wasn’t enough of an eyesore, imagine living in a country where it surrounded you.

Luckily for North Korean citizens, that rumor turned out to be just that. But Kim Jong-un did live up to his reputation as a narcissistic dictator when he dispatched a squad to harass a salon owner who had been advertising a haircut special with a poster of the North Korea leader along with the caption, “Bad hair day?” Even though the story went viral, Kim Jong-un is having the last laugh right now because he ended up placing at number nine in the top-searched hairstyles on Yahoo this year. 

If you thought nothing could be scarier than Kim Jong Un, clearly you haven’t seen Ogie Menor’s “butiki” mohawk. The Filipino basketball player looks like a lizard died on his head—and has been rotting for weeks. The worst part is in the details, like those perfectly buzzed paws and eyes. Then again, maybe it’s a genius move because chances are you hadn’t heard of Ogie before this year. Personal brand building 101.

The first rule in breakups is never, ever go to your hairstylist when you’re feeling down. In case that wasn’t already a no-brainer, Wiz Khalifa’s purple dreadlocks serve as a PSA. Shortly after he and Amber Rose separated, a cloudy-headed Wiz tried to distract himself from his pain with a new dye job he dubbed “Purple Rain.” Sorry, but there’s no way Prince would endorse this. Wiz must have realized his mistake quickly though since he soon after wisely chopped them off.

No one deserves the number one spot on this list more than Robert Pattinson who, one month after unveiling this monstrosity, is still inspiring new questions. Did he back out of getting a buzz cut halfway through? Did he actually pay someone to do this to him? Is the leftover rectangular clump of hair at the back a reverse soul patch? Or is it a landing strip of some kind? Is it a symbolic gesture for his known avant hair-lover girlfriend FKA Twigs? Or is it for an upcoming role? And, most importantly, is he 100 percent into it, or is he just trolling the world? Hopefully some answers lie ahead in 2015.