10 Awesome and Useless Japanese Fashion Items

Image via Complex Original

Carrying around an umbrella is not the most convenient thing in the world. In fact, you also kinda look like an asshole toting one one around when it's not raining. So, in case it's one of those days where you're not sure if it's going to rain or not but have to suit up, strap on this handsome navy umbrella/tie with polka dots to stay stylish and dry. One of the most overused concepts in blogging about style is combining form and function, but come on! This is exactly that!

Babies are greedy, selfish, noisy little fuckboys and fuckgirls. It's about time they started doing something for us! Though we don't really know that much about #babywear, this powder blue and white little number is stylish and takes care of the burdensome chore of mopping. Let your little brat scamper around freely, and it'll only take 15 cleanings before this baby pays for itself!

The only ocular task that's harder than finding a perfect pair of glasses to fit your face shape is putting in eye drops. Who would've thought that combining the two would result in awesome looking glasses that are also super helpful in administrating drops of medicine/Visine to your cracked out peepers. Never again will your hangover be exposed as you face your boss with bloodshot eyes. Gone are the days when you can't get your Pinkeye medication in your eyes and end up wasting hundreds of dollars. Also available in sunglass styles.

You know all those doom-sayers who are predicting that the next global battle will be over the fast-decreasing natural resource of fresh water? Well, maybe now they'll shut their hippie faces and stop being accurate with the arrival of this brilliant umbrella that doubles as a water collector. Perfect for any businessman on the go, it's handsome shoulder strap complements whatever jacket color you're wearing while insuring that you'll stay hydrated throughout the day. 

It's a widely known fact that one can only be streetstyled if they're smoking. And if you're a stylish Luddite who rejects all modern technology and is attending Pitti Uomo, then this is the device for you. Light up in style harnessing the all-natural power of the sun (just like Superman!) as other chumps around you try to flick lighters and strike matches. Tell the attractive girl near you that these suckas are not nearly as green as you are, and melt her heart as the best-dressed environmentalist she's ever met.  

This is an avant-garde fashion accessory that allows you to make a statement on the current wastefulness and hypochondria of modern man. Also, you can blow your nose with a shitload of tissues. Just don't get drunk and pass out in a public bathroom. 

Have you ever been rocking your newest suede kicks, feeling crispy as all hell as you stomp down the sidewalk, and then a freak rain storm rolls through and ruins your shoes and consequently your day? That'll never be a problem again with these mini-umbrellas for your shoes. Just attach them to the toes of your footwear and voilà! You're set to keep on stepping with no worries about destroying your kicks.

It's a fact of modern life - guys have a lot of stuff to carry around. And since bags are for pussies, this tie with hidden pockets is perfect for carrying your cash, credit cards, notebook, drugs, gun, and whatever other day-to-day essentials you need. Impress the boss when he can't find a pen and you whip one out from your tie. "What a genius!" he'll say, and promote you to the post Bob Garrity had his eye on for the last three years. Can Garrity do that with his neckwear? No, all he can do with his tie is hang himself in a depressed rage.

Work hard, play hard; amirite? These days we need to get shut-eye any chance we get. Why spend your commute doing something stupid like reading? Use this time as an opportunity to recharge the batteries without doing that nodding-off thing that will probably end up on Worldstar or in an office email. We're not sure what that helmet says, but it's probably bragging about how smart she is and also politely asking someone to wake her up at her station. Next stop: Well-Rested Ville!

Every week we plan our outfits around the meals when we're going to eat noodles. These noodle days are the days you do NOT wear white, unless you want to ramen broth or tomato sauce spin art to your clothes. Well this splashguard is a gamechanger. Now we can happily slurp with abandon regardless of what we're wearing. Gone are the days of awkward fork twirling and chopstick anxiety. This is what freedom tastes like!