10 Ways to Not Look Like a Douchebag at SXSW

Actually, you don't want to be caught perpetrating anything the three confused gentlemen above are doing. But let's focus on the fanny pack. If you're rocking one "ironically," guess what? The joke's still on you, jackass. And if you're genuinely a grown man, without children, who can't keep track of his cash and other belongings without a protruding kangaroo pouch, well then you deserve to lose everything you own, anyway.

Post Script: Don't be the asshole who goes for the loud "shades" either. Get it? They're beer goggles! Hahahaha, right?! Nope. Cop some classic subtle sunglasses and call it a day. And if you're the unfortunate lost-in-this-world soul still rocking Kanye-shutter shades, kindly punch yourself in the dick, please.

If you're out of shape, no one wants to see all that flab flopping around and if you are well, nobody cares. At least throw a tank on. Sure, it's hot, but the last thing anyone wanst in a packed crowd at high temperatures is a bunch of sweaty, drunk dudes rubbing #FestivalLife unwashed skin against them.

...because it's about the filthiest thing ever. You're only at a music festival, despite the savage crowd life, basic societal rules still fucking apply. It's SXSW, not 1967. But also don't be the unfortunate soul who brings out the fresh Js they just paid a grip to a reseller for. When you emerge at the end of the day looking like Jackson Pollack painted your kicks, we will laugh at you. Throw on some Chucks or Vans, and revel in how glorious they look when they emerge at the week's end 100% beat to shit.

You're in Texas, jackass. Very swag of you to cop all the leather pieces G.O.O.D. Music co-signed, but if you choose Austin as the place to flourish in all your streetwear hypebeast approved leather fits, you deserve your fate as the lame who passes out in the crowd before the first day is even over. Also, you know, you might offend a longhorn.

Roll through in your Williamsburg-approved, 19th-century style facial hair looking like a member of the Whig party and we will gladly pull it off for you. This here's a music festival, not a goddamn platform to show off how whimsical and quirky you are.

This one's up to you. Rough it under the hot sun in packed crowds on that water bottle wave, or stay hydrated but look like a dork with your super nerdy water backpack. And yes, filling it with recreational liquids only makes it marginally less lame.

This is more for your general safety than for aesthetics. Rocking Google Glass might get you punched in the ear by an overly aggressive bro with a Camelbak full of Molly water and envy that nerds now rule the world. That being said, since nerds do run the world now, sporting a pair of Google Glass will make you look like an overprivileged villain.

We get it, you thought it was the best movie of all time. That's well and good, but, it's 2014 now. If you and your girl didn't dress up as Alien and his femme fatales last Halloween, you've officially missed the boat. Not that we're discouraging any ladies not to show up in bikinis just because.