The Wall Street Journal is out of control. Who even reads articles that are all about developing your personal presence IRL and on the Internet? NOT THIS GUY.  LOL I'M NOT PAYING TO READ THIS, I'M JUST GONNA JUDGE IT ENTIRELY BASED ON A CURSORY GLANCE AT AN INFOGRAPHIC.

I can say that I'm exactly the last person anyone should ever consult when attempting to develop their presence and climb both professional and social ladders. Although, I will say that my social media profile photo and background most definitely represent my aesthetic. My background photo? FULL OF EUROS, CAPPUCCINOS, PELLEGRINO AND ITALIAN COUGH DROPS. Profile photo? CHECKING MY PHONE AKA PRETENDING TO CHECK MY MENTIONS AKA FEELING AWKWARD AND BEING IGNORED BOTH IRL AND ONLINE. BUT TOMMY TON SNAPPED IT SO I'M A FUCKING BOSS.

I'm not gonna lie though—and this is super fucking hard to admit—WSJ might have a point. It does help to have a little bit of charisma. I know a few charming people and, you guys, THEY CAN GET ME TO DO A LOT OF THINGS I DON'T REALLY WANT TO DO. Like, I have one friend who is super charming and whenever the bartender or waiter says something kind of funny he's always got a really quick response and sometimes I'm like, "Nah, dog, we're not in Dawson's Creek. Witty banter doesn't exist in real life." OF COURSE, THAT MOTHERFUCKER EVEN HAS A CHARMING RESPONSE TO THAT. My girlfriend is really charming too and I walk her dog all the time for her late at night and I even pick dog shit up in these tiny plastic bags that have images of dog shit printed on them. So, maybe you should pay to read this thing? I don't know, I'd kill to be able to engage in charming conversation and get other people to pick up my dog's shit up for me when I'm too tired to stop watching a reality show about people losing weight in extreme manners.