The 25 Weirdest Vintage Advertisements

Image via Complex Original

Love Cosmetics

No one at this company found this to be more than a tad bit perverted? Innocence and sexiness should be opposing ideas.

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Trimble Safety Crib

In other words: a training coffin.

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Power Lords

Kanye warned us of the consequences of all that power. We are curious where that "secret action button" is though.

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Pure Pak Milk

Next week he will be delivering cartons with her picture on the sides.

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Espirit

She said look ma, no hands.

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Gum Massager

9 out of 10 dentists' wives recommend this product.

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Pepto Cocaina

Coke heads are known for their extraordinarily calm stomachs. Fact.

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Separate Sack Suspensory

This product will let you hold those balls up and keep on trampin'.

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Baby Alice

Yeah, because tetanus tongue and bleeding gums are so much better than a wet thumb.

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General Air Conditioning Corp.

This would definitely come in handy in a tiny New York apartment. So what if your "clean" dishes smell like fish grease and your ice trays melt every time you make Ramen?

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Inflatable Doll

It's awesome that it was so cheap and that they had the home trial option, but what happened to the dolls that were returned? More importantly, is this offer still valid?

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Lane Bryant

So unapologetic. And they had the nerve to place the words "regular sizes" in parentheses like that would help.

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Gillette

And the parenting award of the year goes to...

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American Airlines

On some Oedipus shit, huh? It's cool, as long as she isn't the one handling your nuts.

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O.J. Dingo

It's all about that third leg, ladies (and/or gents).

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Coalition for Abstinence Education

This is a bit of a stretch don't you think? Stalin maybe, but Hitler is a little extreme.

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Technico

No. No bites ever!

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Schlitz Beer

If you're a sad hobo clown, it's probably too late to lay off the sauce.

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Diamond Dyes

Poor kitten. This little girl needs professional help as soon as possible and child protection services should be called on the mother for pouring the dye into a bowl for her in the first place.

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Panasonic Flip N' Style

This makes zero sense.

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Colt handguns

Looks like they weren't interested in repeat customers back then.

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Broomstick slacks

Gangbanging was a game and it required pants? Times have certainly changed.

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Dupont Cellophane

Granted, these kids have some weird expressions going on, but wrapping them in cellophane? Last we checked that was called murder. Save it for your food people.

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Bradley Group Showers

Not sure how putting their heads together saved them money, but they look happy so let's not judge.

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Pitney Bowes Postage Meter

Even joking about this these days would get you cuffed. What does killing a woman have to do with a postage meter anyway? Maybe we wants to mail her parts across the country and needs a convenient way to print postage without making the trip across town to the post office? Either way, the answer is yes.

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