15 ESPN Trade Machine-Approved Deals for Carmelo Anthony

Image via Complex Original

Team(s) involved: Trail Blazers

Players involved: Nicolas Batum, Thomas Robinson, C.J. McCollum

Wins gained: -9

And for the sake of keeping things interesting, let's say the Blazers throw in a first-round pick, as well, because, you know, these aren't exactly top-notch guys the Blazers would be giving up here. Would Portland realistically ever touch Melo? Nah, never, not with a 2,900-mile stick. But ESPN Trade Machine said this trade is successful, goddammit, so it's obviously possible. Imagine a Damian Lillard, LaMarcus Aldridge, Melo, Wes Matthews, and Robin Lopez starting five. They'd score 130 points per game. 

Team(s) involved: Bulls

Players involved: Derrick Rose, Doug McDermott

Wins gained: -10

If you've been watching the Chicago Bulls this season, you see a great team that's been dragging Derrick Rose along. He's had some nice games and hit a few clutch shots, but he's shooting 40 percent from the field and 25 percent from three (yet he still shoots a career-high five per game?). He largely favors jumpers more than driving to the rim these days. Basically, he's washed. Melo would hop, skip, and jump to Chicago in a heartbeat after his horrific decision to snub the Bulls this past offseason.  

Team(s) involved: Clippers

Players involved: J.J. Redick, Jamal Crawford, Spencer Hawes, Matt Barnes, Glen Davis

Wins gained: 0

The Clippers could create the NBA's first Big 4 if they brought Melo into the picture to help out Chris Paul, Blake Griffin, and DeAndre Jordan. It seems pretty clear that team isn't going to get it done as is. It'd be like a super Jordan-brand team. Then they'd win the NBA Championship, Kobe would get jealous, he'd probably blow up the Staples Center because of all the bandwagon fans who jumped from the Lakers to the Clippers, and that enormous Cali earthquake people have been talking about for years will finally happen.

Here's to mass chaos!

Team(s) involved: Hawks

Players involved: Paul Millsap, Kyle Korver, DeMarre Carroll

Wins gained: 2

The Hawks further exerted their dominance last night by blasting an extremely tough Washington Wizards team by 31 points. That makes the Hawks 24-3 in the past 27 games. Would they ever mess with that chemistry? Hell no, but when's the last time the Hawks had a chance to bring a legit superstar into their camp? Paul Millsap, Jeff Teague, and Al Horford are great players, but they're not Melo. At the end of the day, an owner is going to be looking at what sells tickets for years to come. 

Quick moment to recognize Kyle Korver's brilliance: He's shooting nearly 52 percent from three for the season. Holy shit. 

Team(s) involved: Heat, Cavaliers

Players involved: LeBron James, Kevin Love, Chris Bosh, Luol Deng, Mario Chalmers, Andrea Bargnani​, Josh McRoberts, Norris Cole, Shabazz Napier

Wins gained: 3

If there's not a small part of you that wants to see LeBron, Melo, and Wade all play on the same squad, then it's hard to really believe you even like basketball. Bron and Wade have already been spied talking about doing bigger and better things if it doesn't work out with Kevin Love and Kyrie Irving. It's a shame Bosh couldn't stay, though. Don't forget, he was in that draft as well. 

Team(s) involved: Hornets

Players involved: Lance Stephenson, Michael Kidd-Gilchrist, Gary Neal, Noah Vonleh

Wins gained: -6

If the Knicks were to ever get rid of Melo and his gigantic salary, they'd need some talent and young players to make up for the loss. Stephenson is the type of person who would excel in high-attention cities, and Vonleh has huge upside. Even MKG has been having a decent year. These would be immediate improvements to the current Knicks squad. 

Team(s) involved: Lakers

Players involved: Kobe Bryant

Wins gained: -4

The universe is a strange place, and we've seen weirder things. Just imagine Kobe playing for former teammate Derek Fisher while former coach Phil Jackson sits up in the box eating Nips and thinking about getting custom loafers for each day of the week like the 70-year-old man he is. The Lakers get a star to build around in the near future and the Knicks get a huge contract that expires in 2016.

Team(s) involved: Mavericks, Raptors

Players involved: Chandler Parsons, Lou Williams, Tyler Hansbrough, Terrence Ross, Amir Johnson

Wins gained: 4

The current Raptors team is fine and all, but sooner than later, if they really want to prevent Drake from hopping to a different NBA crew, they're going to need to bring in somebody as big as he is. Toronto's really not that far from where Melo played college ball at Syracuse. Watching Drizzy jump on the Melo postgame hat bandwagon would be reason enough to wanna see this happen.

Team(s) involved: Nets

Players involved: Joe Johnson, Brook Lopez, Kevin Garnett, Amar'e Stoudemire

Wins gained: -4

Technically, when Carmelo went to and stayed with the Knicks, he wasn't home. He grew up in Brooklyn*, so it's only right to get him in the black and white. That's just the icing on the cake full of delicious common sense that this perfectly crafted trade is built upon. 

*Baltimore

Team(s) involved: Nuggets

Players involved: JaVale McGee, Danilo Gallinari, Wilson Chandler, Quincy Acy

Wins gained: -9

People seem to forget that the Denver Nuggets with Carmelo were two wins away from getting to the NBA Finals back in 2009. Then Kobe Bryant, Pau Gasol, and Lamar Odom told Melo to sit down and shut up, and he did, and that was that. The Nugs haven't looked great since George Karl left, and Melo could help a team that already has some decent pieces in Ty Lawson, Kenneth Faried, and Arron Afflalo. Let's get him back to the team that originally showed him love (and make old Melo jerseys relevant again). 

Team(s) involved: Pelicans

Players involved: Eric Gordon, Omer Asik, Ryan Anderson, Andrea Bargnani​

Wins gained: -4

If you looked into a crystal ball in order to see the landscape of the NBA for the next 10 years, it'd just be one giant unibrow. Melo would have to leave home, but he'd have to be an idiot not to want to team up with a player with the potential to be one of the greatest power forwards to ever play the game. With Jrue Holiday driving the ship, a young, talented team like this might be exactly what Melo needs to get his career back in gear. 

Team(s) involved: Pistons

Players involved: Jodie Meeks, Greg Monroe, Caron Butler Luigi Datome

Wins gained: -5

Greg Monroe has been playing like a man possessed since Josh Smith left (17.8 points, 13.8 rebounds, 2.6 assists in his past 5), and Jodie Meeks has been settling in since his return from injury. Both Monroe and Meeks have shown flashes of high-level play, and a change of scenery into a big city might do both of them some good. Besides, Melo should have been in Detroit all along. 

Team(s) involved: Rockets

Players involved: Trevor Ariza, Jason Terry, Kostas Papanikolaou, Terrence Jones, Cole Aldrich

Wins gained: -6

Melo loves himself a lot. James Harden loves himself a lot. Dwight Howard loves himself a lot. And guess what? They're all good at basketball! Let's just create a Big 3 full of egomanics and see how it goes. Don't lie, you'd watch. 

Sidenote: The Knicks getting rid of Cole Aldrich causes them to drop six more games? Yeah, okay. 

Team(s) involved: Thunder, Wizards

Players involved: Russell Westbrook, Serge Ibaka, Kevin Durant, Bradley Beal, Nene, Andre Miller

Wins gained: -6

Russell Westbrook finally gets chance to shine in the spotlight. Kevin Durant finally goes home. Carmelo immediately get some talent next to him. Who says no? You know, besides some dream-crushing suit in the Thunder front office?

Team(s) involved: Timberwolves

Players involved: Nikola Pekovic, Kevin Martin, Andrew Wiggins, Tim Hardaway Jr.

Wins gained: -7

Michael Jordan was 26 years old when Phil Jackson started coaching the Chicago Bulls. Kobe Bryant was 20 when Jackson started coaching the Lakers. He's not coaching anymore, but Jackson entered the New York Knicks picture as Carmelo Anthony is enjoying his 30th year. Obviously, the situation is different because he's not the direct line of influence, but it's a hell of a lot more difficult to shape a player with 11 years of experience than a young buck. That's why Wiggins would be perfect. He's 19 years old, he's expected to be a superstar, he's been improving steadily throughout the season (21 PPG, 4.7 RPG, 2.4 APG, 1.4 SPG in past 10 games), and most importantly, he's impressionable.