The Race Card: Roger Clemens' Indictment, Jay Mariotti, & More

ISSUE:

A federal grand jury has indicted seven-time Cy Young Award winner Roger Clemens on six felony counts involving perjury, false statements, and obstruction of Congress.

WHITEY FORD SAYS: Why don't prosecutors finish just finish up the Barry Bonds case, since he actually tested positive for numerous steroids before wrongfully trying to ruin the reputation of this pitching legend.

DARK MAN X SAYS: It would only be fair if Roger got at least the same kind of backlash from the media and fans as Barry. But then again, this is AmeriKKKa...so he'll probably still get into the HOF in a few years.

COMPLEX SAYS: Jail time or not, we think shrunken balls are already a heavy enough price to pay.

ISSUE:

Former Colts coach Tony Dungy criticized Jets head coach Rex Ryan for his use of profanity on the HBO docu-series Hard Knocks. Dungy went on to say that he wouldn't hire Ryan because of his foul language.

WHITEY FORD SAYS: The same guy who defended the convicted dog killer is now criticizing a coach with a clean record who just happens to be a little passionate. All that religion talk is just a facade for his racist hypocrisy.

DARK MAN X SAYS: Tony

ISSUE:

ESPN analyst Jay Mariotti was arrested last weekend following a domestic dispute with his girlfriend at their apartment in L.A. When police arrived, Mariotti's girlfriend reportedly showed them cuts and bruises. Mariotti was booked on an undisclosed felony and later released on $50,000 bail.

WHITEY FORD SAYS: I

ISSUE:

Titans running back LeGarrette Blount punched the helmet of teammate Eric Bakhtiari during practice last week. Last year, while at Oregon, Blount was suspended for punching Boise State defensive end Byron Hout. Blount has apologized for last week's altercation and will not face any disciplinary action.

WHITEY FORD SAYS: Did you notice that both players sucker-punched by Blount were white?! I think an investigation and suspension are in order.

DARK MAN X SAYS: Well, maybe it's because most bitchmade players in the NFL are white. Besides, he was just practicing hard and got caught up in the intensity. Ain't no thing.

COMPLEX SAYS: While we know Blount

ISSUE:

Both former NBA players will be making their political campaign debuts on the Republican ticket during upcoming elections. Chris Dudley is running for governor of Oregon and Shawn Bradley is a candidate for a seat on the Utah House of Representatives.

WHITEY FORD SAYS: Another victory for the intellectually superior white basketball player. Kudos to the big men for actually making a difference during their retirement, unlike those Afro-Americans who just take token front-office jobs.

DARK MAN X SAYS: So in your eyes, dudes like Kevin Johnson (a.k.a the mayor of Sacramento) just don't exist, right? FOH. It only makes sense that two of the NBA most awkward players would run for political offices in two of the most lily-white states in the union.

COMPLEX SAYS: Let