The 10 Worst Sports #HotTakes of 2014

When we finally saw the video of Ray Rice striking his wife Janay in an Atlantic City casino elevator with a punch so forceful it knocked her out cold, then dragging her out into the lobby like she was a lifeless doll, the entire nation was appalled. Even the NFL, who boggled Rice’s case from the beginning, eventually suspended Rice for the season, and the Baltimore Ravens wound up releasing the running back. But, instead of adding insightful commentary on the subject of domestic violence, the man who is always speaking with an outdoor voice took to his pulpit to wag his finger at the women who “provoke” these attacks.

Stephen A. Smith started his commentary by stating “We know you have no business putting your hands on a woman,” which is sort of like saying “Now I’m not racist, but…” right before you say something horribly racist.

“But what I’ve tried to employ the female members of my family,” Smith continued, “(is) let’s make sure we don’t do anything to provoke wrong actions.”

This is basically a veiled way of saying, “Hey ladies, don’t rile up your significant other because he might punch you right in the face and then it’s your fault because you should know better,” which was a prevalent way of thinking when men worked in factories and women couldn’t vote. To be fair, maybe Smith is so caught up in his #hottakes that he doesn’t actually have any idea what year it is.

Perhaps Johnny Football stole Merrill Hoge’s girl. Maybe Hoge tried to dap him up at the ESPY’s and Manziel mistook him for Ron Jaworski. Whatever the case, the ESPN talking head has been on a one-man mission to destroy Manziel’s career since the 2014 draft.

Sure, Manziel had a less than stellar debut for the Cleveland Browns, but Hoge is taking personal shots at the kid like he caught his wife sipping a glass of wine and watching Texas A&M game film. When asked before the season by a Pittsburgh radio station what he thought of Manziel’s alleged “wreck this league” text to Browns quarterbacks coach Dowell Loggains, Hoge had this to say:

“That didn’t just burn players; it infuriates coaches. It told you, too, that he’s a juvenile punk. He was like that, and he’s still like that.”

Who hurt you, man? Everything good at home?

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Nothing like a little sexual assault charge to give you that sizzle you need to sell sneakers. That’s what ESPN’s mullet-rocking troll Skip Bayless thinks, anyway, stating on an episode of The Worst Show in the Universe “First Take” that before Kobe Bryant’s fateful stay in Eagle, CO in 2003 that he couldn’t sell sneakers because he just didn’t have that “edge.” And what better way to get a nice marketing push than by being charged with rape? Oh, right, a ton of sponsors dropped Bryant after the charges, so out of all the asinine things Bayless has ever said, this one is both dumb and objectively false. Host Cari Champion’s reaction (dead silence) to Bayless’s comments is really all you need to see here.

The Mound Round of Rebound is one of those rare analysts that pretty much has the ability to say whatever he wants on TNT’s “Inside the NBA” without fear of any repercussions. He’s entertaining, and if you’re willing to wade through a bit of stupidity, Barkley has some salient opinions on basketball. But when he wanders out of his realm and in to real world issues, things can get a bit dicey, as they did when Barkley decided to speak up on the rioters in Ferguson.

“Those aren’t black people, those are scumbags,” Barkley said of the rioters to a Philadelphia radio station.

Barkley’s comments offended his office mate, Kenny Smith, so much that the dude had to write Barkley and open letter basically telling Charles to stick to sports even though they sit ten feet away from each other every Thursday night. That’s when you know your take was much too hot.

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Byron Scott has been around a long time, both as a player and a coach. He hasn’t been very successful as of late, coaching the post-LeBron Cavs to four years of unwatchable basketball and now strolling the sidelines in L.A. watching Kobe take 90 shots a game and listening to Carlos Boozer yell “AND ONE!” over and over again.

Perhaps having already lost his mind watching Alonzo Gee and Ryan Hollins play basketball in Cleveland, Scott made a proclamation this October that he didn’t want the Lakers taking more than 15 three-point shots per game, because he doesn’t “believe it wins you championships.”

This is a funny thing to say, as seven of the past eight NBA champions have actually led all playoff teams in both three-pointers attempted and made. So Scott is patently wrong here. Apparently, Scott would rather his players pass the ball eight times before they shoot and wear shorts that show off too much thigh because THAT'Z HOW CHAMPINSHIPZ ARE WON, dammit!

So while the Houston Rockets and Golden State Warriors bomb away from distance and rack up two of the best records in the league, the Lakers are stuck pretending Jeremy Lin is a good basketball player and rocking an 8-19 record. Woohoo!

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It’s one thing to criticize an athlete as a columnist, but it’s another thing all together to straight up tell them to shut their mouths. That’s essentially what Chicago Tribune writer Steve Rosenbloom did in a column he wrote after Chicago Bulls point guard Derrick Rose told the media he’s been sitting out because he’s thinking about his body long term.

“I’m loath to tell Rose to shut up because then we’d all be denied new Stupid-O-Meter readings the way we’re being denied Rose’s participation on the court because of the anticipated Herculean demands of standing for “Pomp and Circumstance” in about 16 years,” Rosenbloom wrote.

He goes on to call Rose’s comments “idiotic” and insinuates that Rose is a pretty dull bulb. We just wonder if Rosenbloom would ever interrupt a Rose press conference and yell at him to shut his mouth, or if hiding behind Microsoft Word is the only place he feels comfortable penning such succulent takes.

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To be fair, covering the Cleveland Browns for over 30 years can turn any sane person into a dribbling pool of nonsense, but this tweet from Browns beat writer Tony Grossi is so full of defiance and a “those damn kids!” sentiment that you can feel the out-of-touchness through the internet.

A week after Browns starting quarterback Brian Hoyer was benched in the fourth quarter for the Young Gawd Johnny Manziel, Cleveland sports talk radio was rife with talk of who should start next week. Grossi, who probably doesn’t have electricity and strictly watches Sanford & Son reruns, was firmly on #TeamHoyer, so when Browns head coach Mike Pettine named him the starter for the following week against Indianapolis, Grossi puffed his chest out.

ESPN personality and Miami Herald scribe Dan Le Batard toes the line between sarcasm, trolling and straight-up playing Miami sports apologist pretty tight (the dude rocked a Miami fitted cap for his interviews in “The U Part 2”), but his saucy attempts to belittle the Cleveland Cavaliers' new “Big 3” after 11 games is a take so spicy it needs its own heat category.

During back-to-back losses in late November in which the Cavaliers looked particularly disjointed, Le Batard took the opportunity to pounce on some low-hanging fruit.

“Cavs looking a lot more like the Dwight-Kobe-Nash Lakers than the 2010 Miami Heat,” he tweeted as the Cavs got blown out by Washington. The next night, during a Cavalier loss to Toronto, Le Batard had this to say: “There’s perspective now from media members burned in 2010, but the 2010 Heat never, ever looked as overmatched as the Cavs presently do.”

Perhaps Le Batard forgot the Heat team he covered in 2010 began the year 9-8, with infinitely more drama attached. Perhaps he’s still bitter that South Beach dwellers have gone back to their bonfires at the beach and have resumed not giving a shit about basketball. Whatever the case, the Cavs would immediately go on an eight game winning streak, so now you can’t do much but look back at these tweets and laugh.

It’s hard to judge a football team just four games into a season, but that didn’t stop ESPN and former horribly mediocre quarterback Trent Dilfer from declaring the New England Patriots dead after a loss, albeit a bad one, to the Kansas City Chiefs on Monday Night Football.

Someone smarter might chalk up a 41-14 shellacking to an off day, especially on a team quarterbacked by Tom Brady. Not Trent Dilfer. He needed to have a take; nay, he absolutely just had to have a take. So he took to the field, in his Men’s Warehouse suit, and boldly exclaimed “The New England Patriots, let’s face it, they are not good anymore!”

Good one, Trent. The Patriots would immediately go on a seven game winning streak, including a beat down of the Denver Broncos and Indianapolis Colts. Someone get Dilfer a muzzle.