Tonight, the Sprint NBA All-Star Celebrity Game will pit some of America's most recognizable faces against each other on the hardwood, bringing the likes of Kevin Hart, Mo'ne Davis, and Nick Cannon together to showcase their skills on national television. We don't know exactly what to expect from the contest, but we're almost positive Kevin Hart will be ready to show out again.
The man is here to win.
However, as we were looking through the rosters, we noticed that the lineups needed an extra spark. Hart, Cannon, and Davis are all great, but we felt that we could one-up some of the teams that have been assembled through the years. So, in the interest of insane hypotheticals, Complex Sports went through and put together our own celebrity teams, grabbing names from years, decades, and even centuries ago. This is who we think would make up The Greatest NBA All-Star Celebrity Team in History.
SG: Steve Harvey
Harvey isn't meant to serve as much more than comedic relief for this squad. If you thought the Fab Five rocked baggy shorts, just imagine what this man will be wearing when he comes out onto the court. His shorts are going to make MC Hammer's pants look form-fitting.
SF: Win Butler
I'm cheating a little bit by adding Butler—he's making his All-Star Weekend debut tonight during the Sprint Celebrity All-Star Game. But the Arcade Fire front man is a known hoops enthusiast, having played for his high school basketball team at Phillips Exeter, as well as various charity tournaments over the years. I just can't pass up a 6'5" wing who can beat shrimps like Anthony Anderson and Kevin Hart to the boards. Don't sleep on the indie rock superstar.
PF: Tyler Perry
Again, I'm going with the tall guy. I don't know much about Perry's game, but I'm praying that it's better than his movies.
C: Robert Maillet
A former WWE wrestler, Robert Maillet has since expanded his career to include roles in films like 300, Pacific Rim, and Hercules. He's 7-feet-tall and over 300 pounds. I don't care who you have on your team. The game is already over. Maillet looks something like a mix between Nikola Pekovic and every European crony from the Taken franchise. —Gus Turner