Like a lot of you, I grew up playing youth sports. And in that time I learned valuable lessons in teamwork, perseverance, and whatever third quality everyone talks about. But slowly, as the years went by, I lost a lot of respect for a lot of adults. In my comparatively tame adolescence (at least, compared to this list) I saw seemingly normal grown men berate teenage officials, annihilate water coolers, and threaten violence.
Early on, I think I was actually one of the more understanding kids, because I used to chalk up inevitable outbursts to the stresses of adulthood. My inner-rationalizations for terrible behavior usually centered around the weight of an unfulfilling career, an overwhelming mortgage, erectile dysfunction, or a combination of all three. These problems, in-turn, resulted in the occasional referee getting lit up. These people aren’t horrible, I thought, they’re just having bad days. Now, as an adult, I’ve come to an obvious realization: some people are just dicks. Today we’ve combed through a collection of 13 such dicks, with a mix of both coaches and parents who have used youth sports as their rage outlet, almost certainly scarring their children for life in the process.
Honestly, there were a ton of these degenerates. Narrowing them down to 13 was far from easy. Simply Google: (blank) sport, followed by: dad (or mom) arrested, and you'll see just how many
hundreds thousands hundreds of thousands of results turn up, with a range of crimes that vary from assaults to (the occasional) murder. To truly whittle this list to a mere 13 examples, I tried to focus on uniquely insane stories. Hopefully these fit the bill but, if you personally have any good stories, feel free to send them to our tips email (link below).
For now these sufficiently outrageous stories will do. Here are the 13 Worst Parents in Youth Sports History.
Send all complaints, compliments, tips and stories to firstname.lastname@example.org
13. Irate dad bites part of coach's ear off.
12. Former big league pitcher lives up to his nickname.
11. A dentist turns his son into a gridiron weapon.
10. Ex-con turned assistant coach slaps ref over bad call.
9. A dad's attempt to poison his son's teammate somehow goes awry.
8. A cop pays a Little Leaguer to peg another Little Leaguer.
7. Hockey coach trips opponent in post-game handshake line.
6. A man obsesses over an opposing coach.
5. Dad gives daughter's team advantage by shining a laser pointer into an opposing goalie's eyes.
4. A mom uses her rack to distract an opposing team's parents.
3. Rich guy buys (and then ruins) an entire football league so his son can play every snap on defense.
Name: Dan Hinkle
Believe it or not, there are actually commissioners out there who can make Roger Goodell look good, you just have to know where to look for them. One such example is Virginia dad/rich jerk-off Dan Hinkle who put $150,000 dollars to horrendous use by purchasing the "South County Youth Association," a pee-wee football league that consisted of roughly 250 players. One of those players was far more important than the rest—Scott Hinkle, who happened to share the commish's last name because he was his son. Dan used his position as the league's sole financier to swing his dick, telling Scott's coaches:
"Scott does not sit out on defense—ever. He goes in and stays in. That includes all practices, scrimmages and games. This entire league exists so he can play defense on the best team in his weight class. . . . He is my son, I own the league, and he plays every snap on defense."
Even though they were "the best team in the weight class," they found themselves fighting for a spot in the playoffs during the last game of the season. In desperation mode, the coaches flipped Scott from defense to offense, and the team won in overtime. Dan didn't bother to attend the game but later, upon learning of the coach's treachery, went nuclear and fired the entire staff before fielding replacements for the playoffs. The question of whether or not they could win a title with new coaches went unanswered as the team of 12-to-14-year-olds protested by refusing to take the field.
Afterward the league disbanded when Hinkle's dictatorship was found to be in violation of league rules, meaning there was no elected board or grievance procedure.