The Most Ridiculous Arguments in ESPN First Take History

Image via Complex Original

Date: 4/18/2014

Topic: Chris Paul's superstar credentials

Skip Bayless is notoriously tough on NBA superstars. From LeBron James to Dwight Howard to Chris Bosh, the guy isn't afraid to tell the league's brightest stars—sometimes to their face—that he's not their biggest fan. But at some point during the 2013-14 NBA season, Bayless decided that he wasn't even going to include Chris Paul in the NBA's superstar category anymore. His reasoning? "He's 6-foot tall. Can you trust him?" GREAT ARGUMENT, SKIP! He hasn't let up, either, as he continues to downplay CP3 at every turn, much to the chagrin of Stephen A. Smith.

Date: 12/13/2011

Guest: Cris Carter

Topic: Tim Tebow

If you want to see a disagreement between grown men go from the country club pool to after hours at the Bad Girls Club house, watch this clip. Cris Carter makes the claim that Tim Tebow "does not" inspire the entire football team and Bayless reacts like a tweaking hobo on bath salts. Keep in mind that this was in the midst of Tebowmania when the God-fearing QB had just led the Broncos to their sixth straight victory. This year, Tebow only has three pass attempts and is more likely to play special teams than line up under center.

Date: 8/23/2012

Topic: The Captain's ability to continue to play baseball at a fairly high level well into his 30s

Uh, no shots at Jeets or anything. But has Skip seen him play over the course of the last five years? The guy hits for nothing but singles, has struggled with a variety of injuries, and is basically at the end of his rope. Oh, and also: We're betting that he's not dumb enough to tarnish his otherwise flawless legacy by using PEDs in exchange for one or two mediocre seasons on a middle-of-the-pack team. Just saying.

Date: 9/9/2009

Guest: Chad Ochocinco

Topic: Chad Ochocinco vs. Skip Bayless

In this clip, Chad Ochocinco and Skip Bayless debate ten points of contention the two have with one another. Bayless, who is perhaps the biggest braggart in broadcasting, barks at Chad for being an egomaniac. By the end, you'll feel bad for both parties. Getting dressed down by Skip Bayless within a nose's whiff of a smelly jock was beneath Chad Johnson in 2009 (though, admittedly, he could do worse today). Then, you realize Bayless is reveling in the glory of a filthy, dramatically lit locker room and seems to get off on the fact that Chad Ochocinco knows his name.

Date: 7/25/2014

Topic: The two-game suspension Ray Rice received from the NFL for getting into a domestic violence incident with his now-wife Janay in February

We're going to cut Stephen A. a little bit of slack here. Somewhere deep down in his soul—deep, deep, deep, deep, deep down there—he thought that he was making a good point when he spoke about domestic violence. But the way that he went about trying to make it was all wrong. He essentially said that when it comes to domestic violence, women need to proactively try to avoid provoking a man. And no matter which way you slice it, that's just not going to sit well with people.

The good thing here, though, is that, unlike a lot of the other arguments on this list, this one has actually generated some real discussion about an important issue. So in that regard, there was a silver lining to what Stephen A. said here. But we had trouble listening to him dig himself into a hole during this rant.

Date: 9/11/2012

Topic: LeBron James and Kevin Durant working out together

Bayless comes out of the gate by proclaiming that Kevin Durant is "once again falling right into LeBron James' trap." What devious, maniacal ploy had LBJ set for the Thunder standout, you ask? Apparently, he invited Durant to work out with him during the offseason. That's it, really. Bayless suggests that James was able to dominate the NBA Finals because "his buddy" Durant didn't talk to trash or get physical with him. Right. Good point, Skip. James' physical edge over Durant likely had more to do with the two clanking weights together during the off season than LBJ's 50-pound advantage. FOH.

Date: 3/7/2013

Guest: Richard Sherman

Topic: Sherman telling Skip Bayless that he believed he was the best CB in the league at the time

Long before he shocked the nation by yelling at Michael Crabtree, the Seahawks cornerback shocked the nation, er, actually, make that "did what everyone in the nation wished they could do," when he went on First Take and dressed Skip Bayless down. First, he challenged the notion of him not being the best corner. Then, he attacked Skip on a personal level. And finally, he hit him with this gem: "In my 24 years of life, I'm better at life than you. It's not personal, this is résumé. I'm better than you."

OUCH. In fairness to Skip, this wasn't actually an argument at all. It was more like Sherman agreeing to make an appearance on the show and then making it his mission to destroy Skip. But…shrugs. It was still pretty wild.

Date: 9/20/2011

Guest: Wale

Topic: Bayless disses LeBron James, Wale (yes, Wale) defends him

To keep debates of LeBron James' worth fresh, First Take invites rappers to duke it out with Skip Bayless on set. Now that's innovation! In this case, Wale does a little name-dropping while Bayless barks nonsense for five minutes. At the three-minute mark, Bayless calls Dwyane Wade "the best player in basketball" and Wale reacts as though he's just caught whiff of a bad fart. Then, Bayless gives the most awkward rendition of Wale's "Chillin" single to send the show into commercial. You can't make this shit up.

Date: 8/19/2011

Topic: The top 5 NBA players

Skip Bayless' top five NBA players in order: Dwyane Wade, Kevin Durant, Dirk Nowitzki, Kobe Bryant, and Carmelo Anthony. Stephen A. Smith's list in order: Dwyane Wade, Kobe Bryant, Dwight Howard, Dirk Nowitzki, and Kevin Durant. Now, a rational person might compare these lists and find them to be incredibly similar and egregiously lacking in guys named LeBron James. Somehow, these two manage to bark at one another about how horrible the other's list is and Bayless makes a completely ridiculous case for Kevin Durant at the 5:47 mark. You probably wouldn't think that two grown men could be blinded by rage over the prowess of Russell Westbrook, but these guys make it look easy.

Date: 6/20/2012

Topic: Russell Westbrook, a blessing and a curse

Skip Bayless went all in on the Heat never winning a championship. Oops. When things looked bleak for the Thunder last June, Bayless found a scapegoat in Russell Westbrook. After Game 4 (in which Westbrook scored 43 points on 20-32 shooting), Bayless called the Thunder guard a "disaster" and spent seven minutes screaming like a lunatic about how horribly he played. Ummm…

Date: 6/1/2011

Guest: Chris Broussard

Topic: Another tired debate about LeBron James' worth

During an especially heated debate over LeBron James, Bayless fires a cheap, but totally accurate criticism of Chris Brousaard by saying at the 3:26 mark, "You sold your journalistic soul to get close to LeBron." Harsh but, you know, probably the most honest observation of Skip Bayless' career. 

Date: 8/22/2012

Topic: "Tim Tebow is a better draw than Kobe Bryant"

Stephen A. Smith has a hard time keeping a straight face, feigning outrage by Skip Bayless' claim that Kobe Bryant is overpaid. The two bark at one another for the first few minutes of the clip, then things get weird around 3:20 when Smith goes on a two-minute diatribe about what makes a "superstar," particularly how many people they draw to the stadium. At 5:22, Bayless declares that Tebow is a bigger draw than Bryant, throwing Smith into an artificial fit where he threatens to walk off his own show. Next season, we're expecting someone to get hit over the head with a steel chair.

Date: 9/23/2010

Guest: Dwight Howard

Topic: Skip Bayless says Dwight Howard looks like Tarzan and plays like Jane

Joining the show via satellite, Dwight Howard is asked who—between he and Skip Bayless—is in better shape? Howard, predictably, answers himself. Bayless responds, "At least I don't look like Tarzan and sometimes play like Jane." Hilarious? Eh. Sexist? You bet. The two stumble through insults towards one another until Bayless invites Howard to debate him in studio. Once again, the First Take host fires a shot for the sole purpose of a professional athlete acknowledging his existence.

Date: 10/2/2012

Guest: Eric Mangini

Topic: Eric Mangini vs. Skip Bayless on how to stop the Cowboys passing game

Eric Mangini was a pretty shitty NFL head coach, but he won a Super Bowl as defensive coordinator. So we think it's safe to say he can out scheme Skip Bayless. In this clip, Mangini plays the role of adjunct professor to Bayless' mouthy undergrad in a discussion about defending the Cowboys.

At the minute mark, Stephen A. Smith chimes in via Skype to make a rare, heady point about Bayless looking like an ass for thinking he can out-coach a former NFL headset. At 2:38, a clearly defeated Bayless says, "I didn't get fired twice as head coach." A cheap shot at Mangini who was bounced after unsuccessful stints with the Jets and Browns. Bayless has made a career out of acting like Bill O'Reilly with a press pass, but this is especially prickish. Even for him.

Date: 11/8/2011

Guest: Terrell Suggs

Topic: "Ball So Hard University"

Bayless, who looks like a wax statue of Bruce Jenner, infuriates Suggs at 4:19 by suggesting he "eat humble pie" or admit that the Ravens can't win a Super Bowl with Joe Flacco at quarterback. At the five-minute mark Terrell Suggs, who's suffered many concussions and boasts an education from Arizona State, starts flexing and screaming "Ball So hard University!" Cue commercial. Seriously, that's the segment.

Date: 9/14/2011

Guest: Chris Bosh

Topic: The painfully hilarious nickname of the Heat power forward

Likely as a result of being unable to book LeBron James, First Take producers set up the world's lamest showdown by inviting Chris Bosh to join Bayless on set. Bayless—who often refers to Bosh as "Bosh Spice"—congratulates the 6-foot-11 professional athlete for having the balls to meet with him face-to-face. Bosh starts out with a perplexing, completely ridiculous lecture on his family's name. Bayless counters with a long-winded rant about Bosh's lack of aggression on the court. Then, Jemele Hill chimes in with a dizzying, senseless defense of Bosh. The event culminates with Bayless taking a rant into commercial while Bosh sits in his chair expressionless for 12 minutes.

Date: 1/20/2011

Guest: Rob Parker

Topic: How do you view Blake Griffin? Black or white?

Skip Bayless asks, "Why shouldn't I—as a white person—be able to take some pride in Blake Griffin's rise because he did come from a white mom?" Uh, huh? Skip—if it makes you feel better—go bananas about Blake Griffin coming from a white mother. That's really important and something you should be really proud of. Somehow, these clowns manage to seriously debate this for five and a half minutes and keep a straight face.

Date: 9/14/2010

Guest: Rob Parker

Topic: Skip Bayless debates Jay-Z vs. Eminem

All you need to know about this clip is that Skip Bayless will take Nelly over Eminem and Jay-Z. How this topic worked its way into the "sports-themed" show, we have no clue. Just watch.

Date: 12/13/2012

Guest: Rob Parker

Topic: Robert Griffin III's "blackness"

Just about all of the arguments on this list involve either Stephen A. Smith or Skip Bayless saying something completely stupid. Except this one. During a discussion about RGIII—and the fact that he doesn't want to be defined by his race—Parker was the one who slipped up and said something that eventually got him fired.

"I want to find out about him," he said. "I don't know because I keep hearing things. We all know he has a white fiancé. Then, there was all this talk about him being a Republican, which there's no information at all. I'm just trying to dig deeper into why he has an issue."

Uh, WHAT?! He got canned a short time later…and rightfully so.

Date: 4/10/2012

Guest: Jalen Rose

Topic: Jalen Rose stumbles across Skip Bayless' high school basketball stats

When Skip Bayless went to high school (sometime during the William McKinley administration) he claims to have won MVP in a state-wide basketball camp. Bayless tweeted of the supposed life event that he "Decided I was Maravich." Unfortunately for him, the Internet exists and Jalen Rose stumbled across his pitiful stat line. As a senior, Bayless averaged 1.6 points per game. If you're doing the math, that's less than bucket per match at a time when players wore belts in their shorts and exclusively featured the bounce pass. Good going, old man.