A Recent History of Streakers Getting Destroyed by Stadium Security

Image via Complex Original

Date: 5/21/2003

Matchup: Cetlic at FC Porto

This is actually a pretty scary situation. You're focused on winning a soccer match one minute and trying to keep your job. The next minute, you have a nude man with bare testicles coming at you. Not one running across the field for the hell of it–he's coming at you and you can't look away. You don't want to be known as the dude who got scored on by a streaker. Better stop one ball and dodge the other two, shake it off, and get your head back in the game.

Date: 2/1/2004

Matchup: Patriots vs. Panthers

As annoying and senseless as streakers are, you gotta give credit where credit is due. The man here obviously had money to blow if he's going to presumably blow hundreds of dollars to get thrown out of America's biggest game. You would hope security would be tighter, but maybe it is since this is the only reported streaking incident during a Super Bowl. So applaud and marvel as he waltzes, florescent light reflecting off his pale skin.

Date: 11/20/2006

Matchup: Yale at Harvard

Harvard costs over $40,000 a year in tuition and fees in addition to other expenses. Here we see mom and dad's money going to good use as the streaker tries to expose the inner him. This is why kids are the worst.

Date: 8/1/2007

Matchup: Manchester United vs International Milan

You gotta to love the quickness with which the security guard took out this dude at the center of the pitch. There's an urgency to it that says, “What the fuck, dude? There are kids here.”

Date: 10/28/2007

Matchup: Giants vs. Dolphins

Here's something to consider: the Giants went on to win this game against the Dolphins at Wembley Stadium. They would go on to upset the 18-0 Patriots at the Super Bowl months later. It turns out exposed penis is a good luck charm for the Giants.

Date: 11/8/2007
Matchup: Galaxy at Whitecaps

With bacon fat jiggling and sweat dew forming under the man boob, this streaking incident was even more notable because this was done in the presence of David Beckham. Imagine that you're in the streaker's shoes and you see Beckham staring down at you after getting tackled. His eyes don't say anger or fear, but disappointment—because you're better than this.

Date: 5/13/2009

Matchup: Braves at Mets

Unlike hitting a home run or winning the World Series, being the first streaker at a new stadium isn't all that worthy of long-term acclaim. Could you imagine him explaining this clip to his 8-year-old offspring a decade from now? “Pop, what's going on?” he says curiously with his index finger pointed toward dad's pixilated nuts. “I'm streaking, sonny. Please don't ask me why.”

Date: 7/14/2009

Matchup: Brisbane Roar FC vs. Celtic FC

There are certain times when you just feel bad for the security guards chasing the streakers. You can't teach legs; you either have them are you don't. Hard to chase down naked Usain Bolt-like motherfuckers running around. Time to get some sprinters on that security squad. 

Date: 8/15/2013

Matchup: Lions at Browns

This may not have been that bad of a decision. It's preseason and the Browns are playing—no one is really watching. Or rather no one wants to watch. Security is still on payroll here, and they'd be more than happy to take out their lack of turn-up on a misguided civilian.

Date: 6/14/2014

Matchup: All Blacks vs. England

Everyone who's ever been rocked or have rocked somebody before knows that hits hurt a lot worse when it's coming from the blindside. This is why some YouTube commenters were criticizing the guard for bodying him from that angle—and that's a fair enough opinion. You should probably be expecting this as the best-case scenario if you're streaking on a rugby pitch, however.

Date: 8/17/2014

Matchup: Athletics at Braves

What makes this display of public lewdness heartwarming (well, as heartwarming as an unwanted flash can be) is how his father is watching the whole thing in person. He wasn't mortified like a normal human would be either; it was said the father was talking about it soon after. Very weird, but you appreciate these types of father-son moments after watching Fresh Prince.

Date: 9/6/2014

Matchup: All Blacks vs. Argentina

You can go back and forth on whether this was unnecessary force or if the woman had to be taken down like any other streaker. But first, ask yourself this: Did that guard really need to be on top of her after she was already on the ground and neutralized as a threat?