8 Innovations That Could Make Riding the Subway Less Terrible

Image via Complex Original

Internet access has already been brought to over thirty subway stations. This innovation has helped people keep their focus on thirsting over prime time dimes on Instagram or chipping away at that ever-mounting email inbox that always seems to jump to triple digits once you step above ground. The next step is providing Internet access on the train cars themselves.

A subway passenger's number one priority is to look very busy so as to avoid conversation with weirdos. This has led us to read our Twitter timelines over and over, even though we can't refresh between stops; this lack of constant Internet has led to reading of many subpar thinkpieces. It needs to stop. Yes, this is definitely a first world problem, but damn it, it is our first world problem, and it needs to be fixed.

When an MTA conductor makes an announcement, the sound piped through the train speakers makes Charlie Brown's teacher sound articulate. As these announcements are our only way to know that, for example, the train will be skipping a few stops or the line will be terminating in Manhattan, it would be nice to at least somewhat understand the announcements as they're being made. 

Or, we might have another app proposal: Open an app that has each train tuned in as a "channel" that you can listen to. Like on planes, when the conductor is making an announcement, your music will pause and you'll hear it through your headphones, which would make it much clearer, as well. 

Now that we have 4G in many of New York's subway stations, we just need a way to keep our phones fully charged. It would be nice to have charging kiosks in subway stations, and it would be even better if we could have them in train cars.

Rather than sapping the energy from our phones, the subway could be a smartphone oasis, providing much needed juice as we switch gears from work emails to happy hour drunk texts. Placing plugs right beneath the seats, so that you could just run the cord from beneath you (like some planes have these days), would be an easy solution. 

This isn't exactly a high-tech innovation, but it is sorely needed. A recent study conducted by the Straphangers' Campaign concluded that only half of New York's subway cars qualify as clean. Considering all of the weird liquids we've sat next to on the train, we feel like this has to be an understatement.

Though current subway conditions are a great improvement from the bad old days of the 70s, this study shows a steady decline in cleanliness over the past half-decade despite multiple fare increases. It bears mentioning that an internal study by the MTA found that more than 90% of train cars qualify as "clean." We're willing to bet that your definition of "clean" is closer to that of the Straphangers than the MTA. In case you're wondering, the picture above is from Toronto, where workers sweep subways clean during afternoon rush hour, something we haven't yet seen in New York City.

Maybe each car could have a total clean at the end of each route, like Tim the Toolman's Man Kitchen. Just kidding. But really not kidding, how awesome would that be? 

This might sound like a joke, but if you've ever dozed off and missed your stop following a night of debauchery (or even if you just had to wake up extra early for the important board meeting), you'll recognize that this is no laughing matter. It would be up to an enterprising technology entrepreneur rather than the MTA to make this work, but many of the subway's denizens would be thankful.

Imagine if when you stumble into the subway drunk, tired, or both, all you had to do was remember to turn on YourStop and input your destination. The app would note your progress down the line and send an alarm clock noise through your headphones when you are one stop away. Innovators have already made apps that track the progress of trains, why couldn't they add this as a feature? As a man who once woke up at 4 am in Newark, I know just how useful such an app could be.

This one is a bit less light-hearted than our other modest proposals. We all know what it means when the train is delayed due to an "incident," and it is a serious bummer. If you've ever stood at a busy station around rush hour, you've likely been pushed and prodded toward the yellow line when waiting for your train, which means you've stood less than a foot away from certain doom. Deaths by falling on the tracks are thankfully rare, but that there are any at all is a real shame. If there were safety innovations that could prevent them, the subway would certainly be a better place for it.

Obviously, you'd have to account for sensors that weren't just set off by trash thrown down onto the tracks. Or maybe some sort of set up where there is an emergency brake somewhere in each station? Not everybody is as lucky as this dude. 

Any seasoned New Yorker knows that there is a perfect way to swipe your metro card. You go in slow, accelerate through the swipe, and then ease up toward the end of the motion. If you want to see how not to do this, hang out at the Times Square stop and watch any tourist attempt to swipe. Their clumsy, graceless swiping causes a backlog of dozens of irritated passengers at the turnstile within seconds.

I'm not sure if the answer is a scanner, a combination code, or simply a better swiping mechanism, but those of us who have missed a train thanks to the poor swiping of those ahead of us know that this is a much needed subway improvement.

Between the buskers, the crowds, and the "natural" hygiene of many of Brooklyn's hippest residents, the L Train can be a trying ride. One of the saving graces of the L is that you know exactly how long you're going to wait for a train at the line's most popular stops. It would be nice if, whether you spent a night out in Bed-Stuy, Harlem, or Greenpoint, you knew exactly how much time you had to grab some drunk food or drink one last beer before your train finally arrives (a sign outside the station before you swipe in would be most ideal). When wait times get longer than a half-hour, there are plenty or more constructive things you could be doing with your time than avoiding conversations with drunken weirdos.