No flag-football. No pickup basketball. No beer league softball. Those are all culutrally acceptable for a grown man to play. Today we look back at sports from a bygone age, living the good life catching fireflies and...other things kids like that we've forgotten due to the daily grind of adulthood. Eventually a man needs to let go of his musical chairs and red rover in exchange for stress headaches over bill payments whilst getting his rectum inspected regularly by a butt doctor proctologist. It's the Circle of Life for humans.

Since you're reading this section we assume sports played a heavy role in your youth. You go from playing them, to paying to watch other people play them. Again, Circle of Life. The more you participated in, the better prepared you were for life's lessons. Each one you participated in separated you from your peers, and vice versa. Maybe you found out about karate the hard way by mocking a kid during Social Studies and finding out right before recess that he was the class Tum Tum. It was also probably the first time you ever uttered "Oh, fuck me," under your breath. Having a healthy beating in front of your peers may've been the tutorial you needed in modesty and keeping your mouth shut.

All of these, of course, are subjective. Some of you may've relished "dodgeball day," whilst others feigned an injury. Some of you may've been the Jason Elam of the schoolyard, showing off during kickball, while others were picked last. Some of you may've been the bully, while others were the monkey in the middle. Individual memories may apply. Here are the Sports of Our Youth, Ranked From Best to Worst.