Sport: Racing
Team: Stewart Haas Racing
Hateful lowlight: Fighting Kurt Busch after a race.

NASCAR's "bad boy" is also the sport's "chubby boy." A pretentious know-it-all, he's easily the corniest driver in the sport. In a 2008 Rolling Stone profile, Stewart unleashed this golden line: "Pussy, money and race cars. That's pretty much all I care about," later adding that "my parents are afraid my dick's gonna rot off." Not even Ricky Bobby came off as this shallow and pathetic.