Chrissy Teigen shared a lengthy message on Instagram Wednesday where she spoke candidly about her personal issues since being “canceled” over decade-old Twitter DMs where she bullied reality star Courtney Stodden when they were only 16 years old.
“Iiiii don’t really know what to say here...just feels so weird to pretend nothing happened in this online world but feel like utter shit in real life,” Teigen wrote. “Going outside sucks and doesn’t feel right, being at home alone with my mind makes my depressed head race.
“But I do know that however I’m handling this now isn’t the right answer,” she continued. “I feel lost and need to find my place again, I need to snap out of this, I desperately wanna communicate with you guys instead of pretending everything is okay.”
Back in May, Stodden revealed that they received private messages from Teigen, in which the model told them they should “kill myself.” Chrissy issued a public apology, admitting that she was “an insecure, attention seeking troll” and “mortified and sad at who I used to be.” After a month-long hiatus, Teigen returned to social media with a Medium post where she expressed regret for her past mistakes, and tried to convince people that she isn’t the same person she once was.
Since then, Teigen has been periodically active on social media, but not to the extent that she used to be. Last month, Chrissy told TMZ she’s been doing “good” since her very public fallout, and husband John Legend struck a similar tone, telling a pap that she’s been “great.”
While the concept of truly being “canceled” is debatable, she admittedly continues to feel the weight of her mistake. “Cancel club is a fascinating thing and I have learned a whollllle lot,” she wrote. “Only a few understand it and it’s impossible to know til you’re in it. And it’s hard to talk about it in that sense because obviously you sound whiney when you’ve clearly done something wrong. It just sucks. There is no winning. But there never is here anyhow.”
You can read Teigen’s post in full below.
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