House Speaker and Accomplished Crier John Boehner Will Resign From Congress in October

John Boehner is perhaps best known for debuting at least 33 brilliant cry faces while hearing Pope Francis deliver a new freestyle.

September 25, 2015

Not Available Lead — Image via Complex Original
Complex Original

In an effort to either capitalize on his instantly viral Pope Francis cry faces or just send Congress into a profound downward spiral ahead of a possible government shutdown, Speaker of the House of Representatives John Boehner has announced that he will step down from his post at the end of October. Boehner, whose last name is sadly not pronounced in a way that resembles the most unfortunate result of excited male anatomy, reportedly made the announcement early Friday morning during a surely tearful meeting with fellow ~~Republicans~~circus ringleaders.

All jokes aside, though Boehner will surely not be missed, his sudden exit presents a possible series of complications aimed at worsening the situation surrounding most Republicans' refusal to sign anything that doesn't immediately defund the gravely important Planned Parenthood. According to the New York Times, Boehner had recently been working to "craft a solution to keep the government open through the rest of the year, but was under pressure from a growing base of conservatives who told him that they would not vote for a bill" that didn't strip Planned Parenthood of its much-needed funding. Sources tell ABC News that Boehner was "inspired" by Pope Francis to abandon his position, supposedly in an effort to "do what's best for Congress."

Considering how maddening a possible defunding of Planned Parenthood most certainly is, perhaps we should return to the joy of watching John Boehner cry to alleviate the anger: