Apple Moved an Astounding 13 Million iPhones During Opening Weekend

Wow. Your struggle iPhone 5c is looking more and more embarrassing. Don't show anyone.

Image via Ed Uthman

Likely fueled by the collective realization that they will swiftly revolutionize the practice of sending and/or receiving nudes, Apple managed to gracefully move 13 million units of the new iPhone 6s and iPhone 6s Plus during their first weekend of release. This, of course, impressively exceeds initial predictions which placed the new iPhone at a still-ridiculous first weekend haul of 10 million. "Sales for iPhone 6s and iPhone 6s Plus have been phenomenal, blowing past any previous first weekend sales results in Apple’s history,” Apple CEO and recent Aaron Sorkin shade recipient Tim Cook said in a statement. “Customers’ feedback is incredible and they are loving 3D Touch and Live Photos, and we can’t wait to bring iPhone 6s and iPhone 6s Plus to customers in even more countries on October 9.”

If 13 million sounds like a lot, that's because it most certainly is. As noted by TechCrunch, this figure means that Apple moved approximately 3,000 iPhones per minute over the weekend. Though new iPhones were not immediately available in China on the day of launch in 2014, they were available for the 5s and 5c launch in 2013, ultimately pulling 9 million in opening weekend sales. Needless to say, Apple is clearly not even remotely interested in pausing their increasingly profitable dominance.

For those struggling to figure out a way to procure their own iPhone 6s or 6s Plus, maybe you should just donate your sperm.

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