How To Make A Long Distance Relationship Work Through the Summer

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Like in any relationship, long distance or otherwise, it's impossible to meet someone's expectations if you don't know what they expect in the first place. This becomes especially important in long-distance relationships, where you don't have physical indicators to rely on. For example, IRL, if you haven't hung out in weeks, you're probably not in a relationship. In an LDR, the line becomes a little blurrier.

Rather than trying to guess on the particulars, it's important to establish what exactly it is you have and where it is going. For one, make sure you're in a committed relationship. We'd hate for you to spend the whole summer on lock down only to realize your assumed other half is only half in it. 

Once you've determined you are indeed in an actual relationship, have an honest conversation about what your fears and hopes are going in: What do each of you think is necessary to make things work?

Having a realistic talk about where you'd ideally like things to go is also important. Would either of you consider re-locating after a pre-determined point in time? Getting on the same page from the start is hands down the most important predictor of whether or not your partnership will survive the summer.

Now comes the tricky part—relying on communication rather than actual in-person contact. Not only should you prep your phone plans accordingly, you should definitely get on the same page about how often you'd like to talk to each other.

She may expect to get in two phone calls and Skype chat each day, while you're cool with an occasional call with texts in between, or vice-versa. In a non-LDR, these differences in communication styles wouldn't necessarily be deal breakers, but in an LDR, communication is your relationship's bread and butter, and not getting it right can quickly lead to thoughts of not being right for one another.

Instead of losing your love to miscommunication, make an effort to understand how often you each need to be in contact to feel secure and important to the other person. This may mean scheduling Skype dates or sending several text messages throughout the day that serve as reminders of your affection, and or adjusting how you normally correspond in order to reach a compromise.

Varying your communication is also helpful: Message funny videos, fire off flirty emails and yes, even write actual letters. Always be seeking new ways to send your love.

Just because you're not in the same room (or state, or country) doesn't mean you can't go on a date. Rather than resorting to the same run-down every night (How was you day? How was work? I miss you.) find ways to make your time together exciting and ever-changing.

Try cooking the same recipe and "eating" together, or watching the same Netflix movie during a Skype chat. Crack open a bottle of champagne and have a tipsy heart-to-heart. Read to one another. Play Words With Friends or chess online. Send an interesting article you read that day and have a friendly debate about the issue. Schedule a special night together, and craft a Spotify playlist or send her a new dress to wear for your "date." In making the extra effort, you're not only keeping things fresh, you're also showing how invested you are in the relationship, which makes you both less likely to look for affection elsewhere.

We're not going to mince words here: The hardest part of any long distance relationship is going weeks (over even months!) at a time without sex. Physical contact is important to feeling connected to your partner. Also, yeah, orgasms are awesome.

Getting sexy over Skype is a given, but it takes extra effort to make things feel as enticing as the real deal. Try mutually lighting a few candles to set the mood. Maybe watch the same, um, adult video together. Send her something sexy to wear for your next video chat. Maybe even take turns being the virtually dominant partner and telling each other what to do. Get as kinky or creative as you both feel comfortable with.

Experiment with different mediums. Don't limit steamy V-chat sessions to before bed, talk dirty in G-chat mid-day. Ask her to send you a detailed email describing her X-rated plans for you the next time you're together, or send a text message telling her to meet you naked on Skype at a specific time. 

We've argued in favor of sexting before, but in an LDR, a hot visual every so often is crucial to maintaining sexual interest. Encourage her to send you a reminder, something to the effect of: "In case you forgot what you're missing…this is how awesome I look naked." Keep in mind that every woman is different. Some may not enjoy sending this kind of message, but might get a thrill out of receiving one, or vice versa, so definitely feel her out before going full-blown Anthony Weiner on her.

All of your virtual romance efforts, great conversations and steamy phone sex sessions are important to keeping your LDR hot and healthy, but the true battle goes down IRL.

Going long amounts of time without satisfying your desires can start to wear on you, even if you really love someone. That being said, it would be smart to avoid putting yourself in scenarios where you'll be tempted to do something you will regret in the long run.

Temptation triggers are different for everyone. Maybe it's going out with a certain single friend who routinely urges you to "just do it." It might mean saying no to the sexy co-worker who asks you out for a drink, or turning down a "friendly" dinner with an ex. These sticky scenarios might be easy to navigate if you're seeing your girl later that night, but can become incredibly tricky when it's been months since the last time you touched. Play it safer than you normally would, because you know you'd want her to do the same.

Sometimes LDR's can be consumed by waiting, and the feeling of not knowing when you'll see each other again can be excruciating. 

One way to make the pain of waiting more bearable is to turn it into a more pleasurable adjective—anticipation. Rather than seeing how long you can go without seeing each other before a breakdown, schedule another visit shortly after the last. Always have time together to look forward to on your calendar.

We realize how frequently you spend time together depends largely on your finances and how far apart you are, but regardless of time and distance, it's important to always have something on the horizon. During difficult phases in your relationship, it will be the light at the end of the long-distance-tunnel.

And of course, the time you spend together will act as much-needed confirmation you need to continue, so even when summer reaches its hottest point (Read: Girls in short skirts and bikinis), you'll be motivated to press on (Read: Stop staring. Like, now).

Chances are, you're not the only one who is sexually frustrated; She's likely experiencing the same temptations you are. By talking about the difficulties you're facing, rather than hiding them, you can become a lot closer, and learn things about one another that would have probably never been discovered otherwise.

Try practicing extreme honesty. Tell her about that girl at work who keeps hounding you to grab a drink. Explain the things that are giving you trouble and the aspects of your LDR you find most difficult. She's likely experiencing similar struggles, and by openly admitting what your stumbling blocks are, you can mutually work towards a solution.

By keeping communication open, you're also building trust. And the more honest you are with one another, the less you'll have to worry about what you're up to when you're apart.

Monogamy is a loaded noun. It can mean different things to different people, particularly when many miles separate you. 

A friend of mine once thought her and her LD boyfriend were monogamous, only to find out he thought he could sleep with whomever he wanted as long as he didn't talk about it. "Don't ask, don't tell" or "What happen in LDR's, stays in LDR's, right?" Um, yeah. Needless to say, things didn't work out between them.

To avoid this painful scenario, talk about what you expect commitment-wise from one another. Is all physical and emotional contact with the opposite sex off limits? Is kissing okay, but not sex? Define monogamy and all of its terms.

If you find you've both been having difficulty controlling your impulses, you might be able to agree on some sort of semi-committed scenario that works. Or, you might not agree, and decide not to move forward. But, you will never know what your true feelings and possible options are until you discuss it.

Yes, there is such a thing as too much communication. You should feel important to one another, but you shouldn't feel like your entire life is an endless pivot between one mode of technology to another. You'll become drained, and it will inevitably take a toll on your relationship.

There is a happy medium between healthy communication and spending too much time together. No one should be sacrificing their social life for a three hour Skype chat set in stone. Communication should be flexible, and it should never feel like an obligation (mostly because obligations are boring and completely unsexy).

Instead, be understanding of missed calls, and be honest about when you're just not in the mood to talk. By allowing for a natural ebb and flow in communication, you'll find you look forward to the virtual time you do spend together much more, and your phone chats will be that much more satisfying.

As with any relationship, maintaining a healthy degree of independence is important to its success. It's easy to be consumed by missing someone and not focus on the life you're currently living without them, but neither of you should feel like you're sacrificing your identity for the sake of the LDR relationship. If you do, you'll quickly come to resent one another, and resentment is the last stop before invariably arriving at a break-up.

Being apart sucks, we know, but it's also an amazing way to renew your commitments—to yourself. Maybe now that you have the time, you can work on your golf game. Take a class. Train for a marathon. Learn a new language. Or better yet, work on being a better friend.  

By not neglecting yourself during your time apart, you'll ensure that when you finally get the distance out of the way, your relationship will be happier and healthier than it ever could have been before, because you've each became a fuller, more well-rounded person during your time apart.