A Gentleman's Guide To Keeping Your Relationship Sexy

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All relationships start hot. In the beginning, it's nothing but moist lips, sweaty limbs, and sweet nothings. But when the weeks turn into months (or—gasp!—years) the short-lived buzz of the dopamine-cocktail that is new love can lose its potency. 

Plus, admit it: You've gotten a little lazy. You've resorted to mumbling "I love you" before you nod off at night to show her how you feel, and sex is less a steamy display of emotion and more a drowsy obligation.

Spring fever is in full-effect, and if you don't maintain that we've-just-met heat, you'll lose your lady to summer. See that she sticks around with our handy how-to-keep-her-hot special: A Gentleman's Guide To Keeping Your Relationship Sexy.

Make Time for Some Alone Time

If you want keep your lady hungry, make her miss you a little. We're not advocating ignoring her text messages to the point she thinks you've actually disappeared, but not being available because you're out having a life is a good thing.

You should pursue what makes you, well, you, and with a pre-relationship vigor. Whatever your passion might be, even if it's something you can't share with her, invest time and energy in it. A guy who has his own thing going on is hot. That's what attracted her to you in the first place. Maintain that, and you'll be sure to keep her attention. And while you're away, she'll remember what it's like to miss you. Consider your romance reignited.

Don't Be a "Nice Guy"

Let us clarify: You must treat your woman with respect, kindness and love—just don't be a "nice guy". "Nice guys" are the kind of dudes who tout "nice guys finish last" as their personal motto, not realizing that they're not nice guys; they're just needy (or worse, possessive). Women don't dislike good guys, they dislike "nice guys." 

Good Guys vs. "Nice Guys"

Good guys call when they say they will. "Nice guys" call when they say they will, and follow up with a "I really enjoyed our conversation," text and another text five minutes after (when she hasn't responded because she's in the shower), asking if everything is okay.

Good guys do sweet things to make their significant other feel special, like bringing home a bag of her favorite candy when he knows she's had a hard day. "Nice guys" overwhelm their girl with over-the-top displays of affection with alarming regularity, to the point that the gesture can no longer be appreciated. They don't have the self-confidence to let a situation just be, and have to create spectacle in order to receive praise.

The point here is this: Good guys appreciate the woman they are with, and do their best to make her happy. "Nice guys" let their girl determine their moves, helplessly gravitating around her like she's the center of the solar system, dependent on her at every turn.

Sure, she's an interesting, amazing woman. That's why you're dating her. But you have to hold up your end of the bargain and be the intriguing guy she first met, which means loving her as an equal, not worshipping her. 

Cultivate Appreciation

Your girlfriend gets hit on constantly. At the bodega. Walking down the street. At the post office. You need to appreciate what you have, because if you don't, someone else gladly will.

The most common rut relationships fall into come when we forget to be grateful. How do you overcome this? By consciously cultivating appreciation for what you have. Maybe you do it by thinking of a time when you didn't have a P.Y.T. to keep your warm, listen to your boring work stories, and hump around because she genuinely wants to.

Appreciation is the core of romance. An unexpected sweet gesture doesn't just say "I love you." It says, "I realize what I have. I don't take you for granted. I'm fully cognizant of the awesomeness that is you."

Take this frame of mind and channel it into your relationship whenever possible, and the result will be a satisfied woman who doesn't have to look elsewhere, because she knows she's valued right where she is.

Sext on the Regular

This is terrible advice to give anyone under 21-years-old, or for anyone involved in a casual-sex-scenario. But in a comitted relationship, this type of casual propositioning can be very effective.

Fresh is a state of mind. Every once in awhile you have to trick yourself (and your penis) into thinking your girl isn't a guarantee. Use that newfound appreciation we just told you about, and chase after your chick. Send her flirty texts about why you can't wait to see her, and shamelessly lurid details about your plans for when you do. Maybe even add a photo to the mix (just, you know, think on that one). It might make her laugh (sorry, guys) but if it takes her (pleasantly) by surprise, it has acheived its purpose. (If this isn't your lady's thing, you'll know—trust your understanding of the situation.)

By amping up the anticipation, you'll both be thinking about getting each other naked all day long. You know, like when you first started dating.

Avoid Robot Sex

No, we're not talking lovemaking on some Back To The Future tip, we're talking the kind of by-the-numbers sex that turns a relationship stale. One of the perks of being in a committed relationship vs. embarking on a string of one-night-stands is that you can really perfect the craft. You get to know what works, what doesn't, and what spots are guaranteed to ensure her neigbors never get a wink of sleep. But the downside of having pleasure down to a science is relying on a formula to get her (and you) off. Just because A, B, and C are sure-fire ways to get the job done, doesn't mean you should methodically press the necessary buttons.

Sure, the desired conclusion is reached, but where's the excitement in that? Every night can't be jam-packed with wild, unpredictable sex, but you should never fall into taking the beautiful body in your bed for granted. This is your one-woman-adventure. Discover new paths neither of you knew existed. Unexpected, exciting, and even weird are good adjectives to describe your sex life. Sufficient, effective, and comfortable are boring. If she wanted that, she'd use her vibrator.

Have Uncomfortable Sex

Yes, you heard us correctly: uncomfortable as in outside of your comfort zone. Get outside your cozy routine, and moreover, outside your bed. Having sex right before bed each night? Boring. Break routine and make a move while watching a movie. In the theater.

It's not the act that matters so much as the feeling it produces. Sex is an amazing way to explore a range of emotions that you would not ordinarily encounter (or might be considered unacceptable) in everyday life, which is why unexpected, out-of-the-ordinary sex can be such a release. P.D.A. can create a sense of danger, handcuffs a feeling of helplessness, submission/domination can toy with feelings of fear, power, etc. Think of creative ways to tap into new emotions, and the result is an unmatched bonding experience that builds trust and renews intrigue in your significant other.

But as always, talk things out first. Just because you're suggesting trying something new doesn't mean you're talking the life out of the experience. Bringing up a new angle on sex won't render the subsequent act boring, trust us.

Keep Up Appearances

Chances are, it takes your girl forever to get ready. Her elaborate beauty process, which for the record, includes tweezing, shaving, mosturizing, manicuring, exfoliating, and countless other modern torture methods, has probably made you late for many a party. But the end result? Always worth the wait.

So, what makes you think you can show up with a pair of grungy jeans, a wrinkled t-shirt, and a gnarly beard? Trim up! Handle your shit! Try a little manscaping, toss some pomeade into your mangled mane, and would it kill you to put a tie on every once in a while? Sorry, we got a little carried away there, but the point is, you need to put a little effort into your look. Cutting your nails and using a little mosturizer wouldn't be a bad place to start.

Spend Time Together in Unfamiliar Places

As we've said, keeping things exciting is all about consciously avoiding routines, and the easiest way to keep things feeling fresh is to regularly go on dates. It's not about how much money you spend, it's about spending time together in unfamiliar places, doing novel things. Sure, there's something to be said for your favorite Italian spot, but that will never be the scene for romance. There's nothing like a sexy new restaurant and a bottle of wine to take the conversation to different places, or better yet, a hands-on activity like rock climbing or hiking. Take a yoga class together. Bike to a farmer's market in Queens. Read to each other.

Also, you should make plans to get away whenever you can. If you can't afford to fly somewhere, spend a weekend in a new city that's in driving distance, or even a night in a hotel in the city you live in. The investment will prove its worth with three words alone: hotel room sex.