Image via Complex Original
Halloween is less than two weeks away. If you haven't decided on a costume, get off the internet. If you haven't decided how you're going to prank your relatives, friends, or the anonymous children that occupy your neighborhood, stay tuned. Not all of these are successful, but they all capture some important aspect of the pranking process. And they're all funny. And sometimes horrible.
These are the 10 most memorable Halloween prank videos.
The Texas Chainsaw Cheerleader Massacre Is Not Real
Wait, what movie did the boys watch again? Was it Cheerleader Massacre or was it The Texas Chainsaw Massacre? Either they watched cheapo bloody boobs softcore bullshit, or they watched one of the greatest horror movies ever. If the parents can't tell us, we're gonna prank them, Funny Games style. Oh, they thought that was the one where Adam Sandler survives cancer through laughter and the casting of Judd Apatow's family in his own movie? Nope. We're going to shatter the father's kneecap with a golf club. We're gonna wear white gloves. But first we'll let you scare your kids, just so that we can watch one of your sons pull down the blinds, falling backward from his bed. Then the fun starts.
Who You Gonna Call? Tyrone.
You've seen this one, but wow does it not get old watching that trash can kid catch one in the grill. We admire Tyrone, and want to be friends with him. At the bar, sometimes we get drunk, and we mouth off to the bartender. We only do it because we miss the woman that left us. Then, as the bartender's girlfriend is coming down from his stool at the video poker machine to make us hurt, we mouth Tyrone's name. "Help, Tyrone," we say, right before the first blow falls. But Tyrone never shows.
Here Comes Rene!
Sometimes a prank is made great by failure rather than success. This is definitely the case with these couple of d-bags. Who do you want to win? A couple of guys that failed to be investment bankers but still dress in suits and probably take cell phone pictures of the drunk women they take home from bars with them while they're naked and asleep? Or do you want Rene the Grizzled Building Operator, who redefines not giving a fuck with every slow step he takes, his rock-hard beer gut never moving even a centimeter—do you not want Rene to win? He moves slow because his knees are bad. Because he's stomped over all the pricks in his day. And because of Vietnam. There's always that.
Oh, God
If the little boy in green is not in on this prank, or is not related by blood to whoever is inside this pumpkin video, then we apologize for showing you what is basically evidence of molestation.
God's Lonely Prankster
It's long, it's hella geeky, but damn if this doesn't make us proud of the lonely existence this man must live if his idea of Halloween involves hours of work to refashion his car so that it looks like a blue glowing skeleton is driving, when in actuality he's behind the real wheel on the right-hand side of the car. Like a crazy British ex-pat hell-bent on terrifying small American children over a holiday he thinks is poppycock. No, what we have here is a man with a plan and an iron will. Admittedly, his will is directed at small children, but we're okay with that. Remember: we're terrible people.
Baby
Couple things: one, we really like the weird symmetry going on at the video's start, the fact that real baby and fake Halloween baby are mirror images of each other, right down to the orientation of their heads. Two, we love that this is a prank pulled on a baby. By the baby's parents. They're all, "Go get it." And this baby is all, "Bloopety-blee," or whatever noises babies make in their heads before they have language (we see you, Wittgenstein!). The best part of this prank: the parents are gonna have to pay for all the therapy. Baby 1, parents 0.
"Are you a person?"
Attention to craft makes for a great prank, something the minds behind Timmy understand. These people, as the video's intro explains, created a child-sized doll that they left outside front doors after ringing the bell. They then filmed the ensuing action. Unlike jump scare pranks, which hinge on the ever-satisfying moment when the unsuspecting party leaps out of their skin, Timmy creates a steadily-mounting dread in the person being pranked. Listen to the nervous laughter. No one likes this.
Here's the highlight reel:
1:37 - "Are you a person?"
1:49 - "You're the biggest guy here, so you have to touch him
2:44 - The woman in orange investigates Timmy's empty face with a flashlight, but still doesn't realize
3:54 - One woman discovers the truth
5:18 - Yet another woman sees the light
5:56 - "The halloweener won't leave, dude."
6:29 - Timmy dies
Maximum Prank Pwnge
You can tell this kid is a nerd. First clue: his description of the video reads, "Me pwning My lil sister at 3am." Second clue: he does the Robot before "pwning." Third clue: the video ends before the action has played out, meaning we don't get to watch his sister beat his ass, which is surely what is about to occur after the cut at 0:57.
What would a non-nerd prank video look like? We can't say. Because we've never seen one. Because non-nerds are too busy having sex with someone else's sister. Would you rather be crushing or pwning? We look to Big Pun for the answer.
UPDATE: After some deliberation, we decided that a non-nerd prank video would merely be a video of said non-nerd having sex with your sister.
...TO HELL!
Very similar idea to God's Lonely Prankster, but with a more theatrical bent and a gift for language. Do you want a lift...TO HELL? is our new pick-up line at the bar, delivered right around that magic hour when people are nearly blind they're so drunk, but the bartender is asking everyone to leave all the same. Which strikes us as cruel, asking these impaired people to go outside and find safety in a place that doesn't have bad lighting or a jukebox full of hair metal. So we tool around the room offering a lift. TO HELL. Seriously, it never gets old.
Friday the Bieber, or, Bieber the 13th
The actress in the video may not be frightened, but dear god did this video made us boil our eyes in gasoline, and still we can't forget. Why is this real? What has late-capitalism and celebrity culture wrought? It's fun to think that everything would only be okay if Justin Bieber burst into our boudouir wearing a Jason mask as we spritzed ourselves with a scent for girls that is somehow related to the Canadian sensation. We bet it smells like menstrual blood.
