The 25 Most Decadent Burgers in the U.S.

Even at the least complex level, a burger is a thing of beauty. Succulent protein, sometimes bolstered by the addition of cheese, sometimes left to marinate in its own glory, while two seedy buns encase this experiment for the ultimate feat of culinary perfection. A burger is beautiful just the way it is.

But here in America, more is more. Bigger cars, bigger houses, bigger wallets, bigger boobs, bigger guts, and subsequently, bigger burgers. We like them topped with unpronounceable French things, lots of sauce, seventeen kinds of cheese, and stuffed with exotic meats that make us feel brave, like a Turducken. Bravery is an undeniably American trait.

In honor of the great American tradition of burgers, we've rounded up 25 of the most decadent burgers in the United States. Live long and prosper? How about eat well and die happy.

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Where: River City Cafe
City: Myrtle Beach, SC
Address: 404 21st Ave N
Website: rivercitycafe.com
Cost: $6.99

If you don’t have enough time this summer to sit around a campfire and weave friendship bracelets, River City Café in Myrtle Beach has your next best option: the Smores Burger. A beef patty topped with peanut butter, nutella, and marshmallow cream might sound disgusting, but we’re positive you put weirder things in your mouth as a teenager. Remember that one time at band camp?

Where: Boston Burger Company
City: Boston
Address: 1100 Boylston St.
Website: bostonburgerco.com
Cost: $9.25

Elvis Presley apparently suffered from four heart attacks—three unreported and one that did him in. He also had a love of drugs and super-delicious, super-fattening foods including one of his favorite combos, the peanut butter, bacon, and fried banana sandwich. Boston Burger Company upped the ante on this one and made it really heart-stopping by turning this into burger form. If you want to live like a king for a night, just remember that it might send you to “Heartbreak Hotel.”

Where: The Vortex Bar & Grill
CIty: Atlanta
Address: 878 Peachtree Street. NE
Website: thevortexbarandgrill.com
Cost: $28.95

If you are feeling totally DGAF about your life or would like to feed your BBW cam girl in style, try the appropriately-titled Triple Coronary Bypass. The Vortex Bar and Grill topped their other Coronary Bypass burgers with this ridiculous, delicious mess of a meal that includes a juicy threesome of burger patties, three ginormous fried eggs, ten slices of bacon, and fourteen slices of American cheese. It’s not served on a regular bun. Nope. It’s sandwiched between two grilled cheeses and ensconced in French fries and Napoleon Dynamite’s favorite food—tater tots. But that’s not all! All of it is covered in cheese! We watched a video of someone eating this and it actually frightened us.

Where: Doc Crow’s
CIty: Louisville, KY
Address: 127 W Main St.
Website: doccrows.com
Cost: $18

Oh brother, where art thou? We’re gonna need you to wheel us home. Bubba is a nickname for brother and after eating the “Bubba” from Doc Crows, you better get a band of yours to prop you up at the end of the night Weekend at Bernie’s-style. The burger includes a ½-pound steak burger, pulled pork, sliced beef brisket, fried green tomatoes, onion rings, and a fried egg. All of this cholesterol-y goodness is topped with a tangy slaw and, of course, BBQ sauce. Because how can you eat anything in Kentucky without putting BBQ sauce all over it.

Where: Umamicatessan
City: Los Angeles
Address: 852 S. Broadway.
Website: umami.com/umamicatessen
Cost: $11

Umami is considered the 5th taste; the taste that makes your taste receptors literally drool and your brain crave more. If you think you are too much of a man to have such silly girly cravings over something as mundane as food, try the Manly Burger and think again. This burger truly has everything in it a man would desire. It has beer in the form of beer-cheddar cheese, salty onion string things, and the piece de resistance, bacon lardons. Because regular bacon is just not rich or fattening enough. A real man needs to eat pure fat.

Where: Burger Bar
City: Las Vegas
Address: 3930 Las Vegas Blvd. S. #121A
Website: burger-bar.com
Cost: $5,000

Are you a player or do you just nom a lot? What about both? If you’ve suddenly been rained on by dimes at the slots, head over to Las Vegas’ Burger Bar. They have what is called the “most expensive burger in the world.” A rich Kobe beef burger with foie gras, truffles, and truffle sauce can set relatively-flush rollers back at $60. If you want that with wagyu beef and a bottle of 1995 Château Petrus than you’ll have to fork over $5,000. But you would have just lost that again at the blackjack table, so might as well live it up while you can.

Where: Smoke
City: Dallas, TX
Address: 901 Ft. Worth Ave.
Website: smokerestaurant.com
Cost: $14

Tim Byres, owner and chef of Smoke in Dallas, was voted Best New Chef in 2012 by Food and Wine. Fittingly, given the name of his restaurant, Byres is a kind of gastronomical pyro, outfitting his posh set-up with a wood grill in the kitchen and a smoke pit. His peppery burger takes advantage of these notes on the palate with bacon smoked in-house, smoked cheddar, a honey-tinged roll, and an exquisite slow-cooked egg fritter.

Where: Flip Burger Boutique
City: Atlanta
Address: 1587 Howell Mill Rd.
Website: flipburgerboutique.com
Cost: $14

If you want to be less grotesque and gaudier with your gastronomical adventures, Flip Burger Boutique in Atlanta, Georgia is here to help with all your fine-dining on a dime needs. We came at the allure of a glistening pink raw tuna tartare masterpiece of tuna, tri-colored seaweed, wasabi tobiko, macadamia nuts, kewpie mayo, sesame seeds, and a raw egg on top to add that extra kick of blood-pumping protein and amino acids. Eating well never tasted so good.

Where: McGuire’s Irish Pub
City: Pensacola, FL
Address: 600 E. Gregory St.
Website: mcguiresirishpub.com
Cost: $9.99

This concoction is absolutely disgusting and McGuire’s Irish Pub bravely notes that on their menu. The restaurant has 25 different burger combos, but the most notable is the ¾ lb. Black Angus Beef Patty topped with enough sugar in a giant scoop of ice cream and mountain of hot fudge to trip out a troupe of rowdy three-year-olds. Apparently it can come with a side of baked beans? We think we made this same exact dish when we were stoned once.

Where: Crave Real Burgers
City: Colorado Springs, CO
Address: 7465 N Academy Blvd.
Website: craverealburgers.com
Cost: $10.50

People across the nation rave about Crave and we don’t know who Luther is, but damn does he have a fine burger named after him. This is another donut burger with a savory burger patty smothered in cheese and crispy bacon, but it doesn’t stop there, because what’s bacon without eggs? Wash this whole thing down with some coffee and you’ve basically perfected the art of hung-over breakfasting.

Where: Jethro’s BBQ
City: Des Moines, IA
Address: 3100 Forest Ave.
Website: jethrosdesmoines.com
Cost: $24.95

Drake University point guard Adam Emmenecker was pretty small for a basketball player at only 6’ 1”, but the Missouri Valley Conference Most Valuable Player of 2008 has a huge burger named after him at Jethro’s BBQ in Iowa. The burger includes an Angus steak burger topped with juicy pork tenderloin, Texas-style brisket, applewood bacon, fried cheese, buffalo chicken tenders, melted cheddar cheese, and white cheddar cheese. Bring your own gurney and oxygen mask for when you foul out on eating the whole thing.

Where: Slater's 50/50
City: Huntington Beach, CA
Address: 8082 Adams Ave.
Website: slaters5050.com
Cost: $11

We've gone nuts for nuts on burgers, but don't get jealous if you live on the West Coast. Quirky Californians love making weird fusion foods which is what Slater's 50/50 did with their Peanut Butter and Jellousy burger. A giant slab of juicy meat is punctuated with peanut butter and jelly, of course, but highlighted with a dill pickle? So strange. If that's not your thing, you can always get your burger with everything and the sloppy kitchen sink including deep fried pickle chips, Fritos, Spam, two kinds of fries, and kick to the behind off the diet train. Don't worry. You can always get back on next week.

Where: Kooky Canuck
City: Memphis, TN
Address: 97 S 2nd St.
Website: kookycanuck.com
Cost: $99 for the 12lb Humunga Kookamonga

Wanna prove that you are better than that dude from Man Vs. Food? Well, that takes practice and practice makes perfect, so perfect your burger-scarfing at Kooky Canuck. The Memphis-area restaurant has different levels of gluttony you can partake in, but the pinnacle of piggytude is their 12-lb beef party with all the fixins including lettuce, tomato, onion, pickles and cheese. The burger weights 25lbs, basically the weight of a large baby, or your left leg, depending on how heavy you are. Kooky Canuck is kind to novices with their eat-this-all-and-its-free rules. You can share the burger with three friends and if you can eat it in an hour, it’s totally free. That sounds easy enough, right? Did you look at that thing though?

Where: Burger and Beer Joint
City: Miami Beach, FL
Address: 1766 Bay Rd.
Website: bnbjoint.com
Cost: $125

She gave birth to you; why not honor your moms with a manhole-sized monstrosity on your birthday called the Mother Burger? Burger and Beer Joint in Miami might have a super straight-forward name, but you’ll be impregnated with a meat baby if you tackle this burger constructed of 10 lbs. of beef, giant bun, and toppings. If you wanna add cheese and sauces, that’ll cost you another $25 and even more for Pure Platinum toppings, but why not? You only live once.

Where: DB Bistro Moderne
City: Miami
Address: 255 Biscayne Blvd Way
Website: dbbistro.com/miami

You fancy, huh? We first saw pictures of the DB Bistro Moderne burger on our Instagram feed hashtagged #bestburgerever. Normally, we scorn anyone who takes a food pic, but DB Bistro Moderne does a burger of colossal proportions that satisfies both the hedonist in us and the elitist. The patty is a pure sirloin burger stuffed with braised short ribs. Nestled in between a Parmesan bun, the burger is topped with sinful foie gras and earthy black truffles, the spendy kind snuffled up from the dirt by creatures close to our hearts: pigs.

Where: Dyer’s Burgers
City: Memphis, TN
Address: 205 Beale St.
Website: dyersonbeale.com
Cost: $6.99 for a triple-triple

There’s one thing we learned as Americans; everything is better fried. That’s why we are all so pleasantly plump and why our State Fairs are basically run by fried butter and Carny creeps. Dyer’s Burgers in Memphis knows what pleases the common folks and that’s a frying pan loaded with beef fat tallow that is purportedly one hundred years old. Take your beef patty and drown it in the beautiful lard until it becomes crispy. They deep fry the cheddar that goes on the burger. If we could have it our way, our hearts would be deep-fried, too.

Where: Charcoal Inn South
City: Sheboygan, WI
Address: 1313 South 8th St.
Website: charcoalinn.com
Cost: $4.10

Mmmm...gut. There’s a reason “good” in German looks the same as “gut” in English. Because when you push a juicy Bratwurst down your glory hole, it makes your gut feels so good. That’s why the Bratwurst burger at Charcoal Inn South is so genius. It’s a crunchy, toasty roll in the perfect condition to soak up the meat from a cheddar-topped brat patty and the butter they use to replace the catsup. Top that cholesterol fest off with some raw onions and brown mustard and you might not be able to make out with anyone for a while, but who needs to when you just made sweet mouth love to this “gut” burger.

Where: Gateway Grizzlies Park
City: Sauget, IL
Address: 2301 Grizzlies Bear Blvd.
Website: gatewaygrizzlies.com
Cost: $4.99

Sports park fare is usually rancid or overpriced, but for basically pocket change you can chew on what is called “Baseball’s Best Burger.” Illinois’ Gateway Grizzlies Park provides an all-encompassing feast for a fatty that includes a thick hamburger patty slathered with cheddar cheese and bacon. What’s so different about that you ask? Well, it’s sweetly-sandwiched in between two Krispy Kreme Original Glazed Donuts. With that amount of calories in one handheld effigy to heart expansion, we’re surprised they don’t have to roll their Grizzlies past their plates to home plate.

Where: 666 Burger
City: New York
Address: Somewhere in New York
Website: facebook.com/666Burger
Cost: $666

The devil made them do it. Food trucks come and go, so we’re not sure if 666 Burger is back in action, but once upon a time, creator Franz Aliquo created the $666 “Douche Burger.” While many of the places on this list might consider their preposterous burgers to be serious works of culinary art, Aliquo made the burger like a juicy, overpriced social statement. But a really tasty one. The Douche Burger is another fancy Kobe beef cheeseburger, but the patty is wrapped in golf leaf, the fancy cheese is steamed with champagne onto the patty, and the whole scrumptious parody of rich people food is topped with lobster, fancy BBQ sauce, caviar, truffles, and, of course, every vegan’s nightmare—foie gras.

Where: Au Cheval
City: Chicago
Address: 800 W Randolph St.
Website: auchevalchicago.com
Cost: $20.90

The epitome of a decadent diner, Au Cheval in Chicago provides locals with the sort of luxurious padding they need for the cold winters with mouth-watering innovations on dishes like scrambled eggs and toast with added foie gras, and crispy fries with a farm-fresh egg. The star of the show is their double cheeseburger done right—topped with thick slabs of peppered bacon and a glistening fried egg.

Where: Mallie’s
City: Southgate, MI
Address: 19400 Northline Rd.
Website: malliesbar.com
Cost: $1,999

Love your beauty sleep? In 72 hours, you could rest your head on a burger big enough to be a bed. Considered a modern marvel, Mallie’s ginormous burger set a new record for Guinness at 338.6 lbs. It’s beef and cheese and toppings and everything you’d ever want on a burger. Plus, it’s large enough to be stuffed with a medium-sized child.

Where: PYT Philly
City: Philadelphia
Address: 1050 North Hancock St.
Website: pytphilly.com
Cost: $12

Off to see the “Wiz Wit?” What you need is an ooey-gooey salt-encrusted cheesesteak pretzel roll burger. PYT Philly takes a juicy beef patty, smacks some lush Philly Cheez Whiz and cheddar on that monster, scares away any vampires trying to steal your hangover-sopping snack with a roasted garlic-caramelized onion special sauce, and complete the glorious creation with a freshly-based Philly Pretzel Factory bun. You’d probably have to run up the Rocky Steps for three days to burn this baby off, but it’d be worth every sloppy calorie.

Where: Serendipity 3
Where: New York
Address: 225 East 60th St.
Website: serendipity3.com
Cost: $295

Pretty pretentious princesses who dare to even eat can partake in a burger that is just a pointless as their expensive handbags, but probably way more delicious. New York’s Serendipity 3 featured Le Burger Extrevagant, a Japanese waygu beef burger teaming with truffle butter, aged cheddar by a famed cheesemaker named James Montgomery, and an extra shaving, for good measure of course, of black truffles. There's also crème fraiche with a blini and Kaluga caviar all on a buttered truffle roll. If this sounds audacious, the bling that adorns it might just be worth the price. It comes with a diamond-encrusted gold toothpick.

Where: Denny’s Beer Barrel Pub
City: Clearfield, PA
Address: 1452 Woodland Rd.
Website: dennysbeerbarrelpub.com
Cost: Market Price

Like a challenge? So does Denny’s. Their epic burgers, with challenges as tiny as “two full pounds of beef fun through the garden,” have been featured places like the Food Network and Good Morning America. However, their largest burger challenge is the Beer Barrel “Main Event” Belly Buster. The burger is so huge that you need to give the restaurant 72 hours to prepare it and it comes at market price. Slashfood said it was about $379 in 2007 and consists of 80 lbs. of beef and 160 slices of cheese. It totals 125 lbs. The menu, probably because anyone who actually tried to eat this in a set period of time would die, says that eating the “Main Event” isn’t a challenge. We guess they don’t know us very well.