Image via Complex Original
Last night, Max and Nev wrapped up a so-so sophomore season of Catfish with Mike and Caroline, a story of two sad souls who probably need to invest in the art of meeting people in public versus Plenty of Fish. During the hour, we heard cries of cancer, anxiety, and visible proof that there are plenty of fools living among us. Sorry, kids, sometimes the truth is the ultimate shade.
If this show comes back for a third season, and by all accounts, it’s very likely that it will, try to keep it a little more consistent, MTV. Mike and Caroline were OK, but you all need more Dee Pimpin’s in your life. Oh, and Framel. Can’t forget that con artist.
Enjoy the last recap of the season, y’all.
Written by Michael Arceneaux (@youngsinick)
Sucka For Love
One minute into the story of Mike and Caroline, I wanted to bang my head against my open brick wall and pass out. Dude, you met a woman on a dating website, live in the same city as her, and have yet to meet. Why are you wasting her time? Even Max said, “Wait. Time out. If you’re talking to someone who lives in your city and they don’t want to meet with you, they’re a catfish and you should run.” Talk about it, Max.
Worse, he claims the woman doesn’t want to video chat with her and flees the scene whenever she sees him in person. You could literally slap the person silly with signs and some will sit there and beg for more. Mike goes on to say that Caroline has some anxiety issues and like…colon cancer. Dude, even if she were into you, she needs citalopram and radiation. Let her deal with her issues.
Meanwhile, Mike should be focus on getting out of his parents’ house and jumpstarting his career. Dude, I get it. The economy sucks and times are hard for a millennial. Nonetheless, chasing fake cancer patients in need of a prescription isn’t the way to go.
Dude, Where’s Your Brain?
Is it impolite to publicly wonder if a person is a little 'slow'? If so, forgive my rudeness. If not, well, what’s going on, Mike? Clearly a fan of Catfish, Mike had already conducted some research, discovering that there are two Facebook profiles for Caroline, only one is more detailed, and coincidentally, the account that ignores him. Meanwhile, Mike reveals that “Caroline” has left notes on his car and taken pictures of his whereabouts and sent them back to her. So she’s a stalker with cancer and anxiety issues? When asked why he can’t let go of the obviously crazy person, Mike says he can’t let go and “loves who she is.” You can’t hear me, but I’m using lots of profanity right now.
Hey, Caroline
Max and Nev meet Lauren, friend of Caroline, and she quickly confirms what was obvious from the first two minutes of the show: Mike is being played. Not long after, Max and Nev get in touch with the real Caroline, who noticeably paused when asked if she had ever heard of Mike. They show Mike a video of the real Caroline giving him the deal, and as you can expect, he looks like a sad, sick puppy about to be put to sleep. Mike then proceeds to grate my last nerve by telling Max and Nev that he had long had the address of Not Caroline. Dude, did you just want to be on TV? Anyway, Max and Nev track down the fake and she’s willing to meet Mike—in a public space. Smart move, girl.
Heather The Sequel
“Caroline” turns out to be Heather, and as fate would have it, this isn’t the first time Mike has been tricked by her on the site Plenty of Fish. Again, is this dude a little 'slow'? I don’t care if it’s rude to ask now. I just want the man to get some help.
Heather explains that she initially posed as another person to find out if she was cheating, but found Mike to be “cool” so she sent her real number and real picture. But alas, “Mike wasn’t very nice” so Heather decided to teach him a lesson. Hurt people hurt people, or something.
When Max asked if Heather was suffering from cancer, she said, “I’m not sick.” Not with cancer anyway. This is the part where she proceeds to whine like Keith Sweat, or for those born in the mid-1990s, Drake or The Weeknd. Heather repeatedly notes how very, very sorry she is about the whole thing. Well, I’m very, very sorry that Dee Pimpin’ didn’t wrap up the second season of this show.
Mike Meets The Real Caroline
When Mike and Heather have a follow up conversation, Max reminds Heather that she’s a horrible person for faking cancer. Heather then reveals that she has had multiple relatives die from cancer. Wow, you’re a monster, Heather. Heather goes on to repeat how desperate she was to keep Mike in her life by any means necessary. Mike tells her that she needs help, though that’s pretty much the pot telling the kettle to take its black ass on somewhere. Whatever, I’ll let you have your moment, Mike. Actually, no I won’t. You need help, too. Stop going to Plenty of Fish and get your life together. Heather drives away in tears.
In the end, Mike gets to talk to the real Caroline and proceeds to flirt with her and have meaningless small talk. He ends with, “I will add you on Facebook and we will go from there.” As for Heather, she has spoken to Mike only twice since being found out. She claims she’s changed her eating habits and started a blog—her version of a “Come to Jesus moment.”
