Hand Jobs: 10 Awesome Pimp Slaps In Movies And TV

Give us some Jack Daniels and/or a rolled-up taste of Mary Jane and we’ll most certainly declare this scene as a technically brilliant piece of filmmaking. Watched while sober, though, this choice moment of nonsensicality from Sledgehammer is one of the funniest uses of slow motion we’ve ever seen.

We’d love it if one day Zack Snyder, the slo-mo-abusing director of 300 and Watchmen, revealed Sledgehammer as one of his biggest influences; this scene handles physical contact exactly like any one of Snyder’s movies.

Similar to his latest slow motion orgy, Sucker Punch, Sledgehammer’s best scene doesn’t make a lick of sense, either. A kid wearing a thrift shop Halloween mask whacks a dude (who’s sporting a mean hair helmet) in the face, and then sprouts until he’s about 10-feet tall, an effect that’s not unlike the transformation scene in 1941’s The Wolf Man, only far less sophisticated.

With a slow-motion pimp slap as monumental as that one, however, who gives a crap about logic?

In the Chris Rock-led political comedy Head Of State, the late Bernie Mac turns slapping into an art form. He plays the older and tougher brother of Rock’s reluctant presidential candidate. Feeling that he’s in over his head, Rock’s insecurities get the best of him; that is, until Mac shows up and persuades him to man up and fight for his beliefs.

Foregoing subtlety, Rock, who co-wrote and directed Head Of State, introduces Mac’s character’s unfuckwitable confidence by having the comedic elder statesman strut around in a pimpish green suit and smack a bunch of folks in what’s ultimately the most choreographed slap-shot on this list. It’s not the funniest Bernie Mac movie scene out there, but it’s definitely believable, thanks to the infamous funnyman’s natural pimp disposition.

For those who live by the code of “never hit a lady,” we’ve got a proposition: Try remaining chivalrous during a zombie apocalypse. It’s hard not enough to not become a two-armed/two-legged buffet meal for reanimated corpses, so just imagine how difficult it’d be keep your cool around overbearing women while graveyard residents hunt you down.

Take Ben in Night Of The Living Dead, the granddaddy of all zombie movies, for example; from the beginning of George A. Romero’s masterpiece all the way to his tragic end, he’s the steadfast and reliable hero, but even valiant men have their moments. Having lost her marbles, Barbara, Ben’s fellow survivor, starts talking crazy, testing cool-headed Ben’s last nerve with every bit of annoying line delivery.

Once she smacks him across the mug for ignoring her, though, Ben, against his better judgment, can’t help but slap Babs upside her head. The result: She’s knocked out cold, he finally has some quiet time, and the dozens of walking dead flesheaters outside could give a shit less.

It takes a lot for a woman to scare us. She either has to resemble one of those WWE Divas who’ve long waved femininity goodbye or convincingly act like Cher. For whatever reason, the one-named singer/actress has always been intimidating; maybe it’s because of this scene from the first-class romantic comedy Moonstruck.

Cher plays a down and dirty Brooklyn chick who’s in love with her fiancé (Danny Aiello) and his younger, more streetwise brother, played by a pre-punchline Nicolas Cage. This BK dame isn’t the kind of woman who’ll support her man’s slacker ways with a tender heart and blind eyes; she’s the type to slap sense into wayward men. Check out how hard she wallops Cage; his cheeks must’ve been burning. Just imagine how red-hot her foreplay rituals must be.

This much is true: No son ever wants to see pops beating up on mom. And, on a related note, we can’t imagine there are too many mothers out there who’d feel safe around with sons who dress like Liberace and weigh a buck-fifty soaking wet.

In what’s supposed to be a dramatic, even powerful scene in Purple Rain, Prince’s flamboyant character walks in on his father manhandling his mom, so, understandably, he tries to intervene. But then dad sends your boy Prince airborne into the next room with an epic pimp slap. If you’re gaga for Prince, this scene might yank at your heart; if you’re like us, it’s unintentional comedy gold.

George C. Scott doesn’t have time for no punks. As the controversial World War II United States Army general George S. Patton in the stellar biopic Patton, the always great actor gave a dynamite performance, portraying the polarizing wartime hero with brute force and imposing presence.

His take-no-bullshit demeanor is best exemplified in the above scene, during which Patton admonishes a lily-livered soldier for crying like a sniveling female kindergartener. You can practically see the steam rising above Scott’s white hair, and the lava flowing in his eyes. With the soft Army dude showing no signs of drying his eyes, Scott’s Patton dishes out a mean right palm to the tear-jerk’s dome, lifting the helmet clean off his head. Nothing like a little hand-to-face combat to toughen a recruit up.

Back in 1967, when the much-heralded crime drama In The Heat Of The Night debuted, Sydney Poitier was breaking down numerous doors for black actors in Hollywood. The movie came out at the height of the Civil Right Movement, lending tons of topical subtext to the film’s white cop/black cop plot.

Poitier played the black cop, obviously, a hard-nosed lawman who didn’t take guff from anyone. Especially not the pasty old cracker in this groundbreaking scene, in which Poitier reacts to the white guy’s facial slap with a rather pimp-like backhand to the other guy’s grill. Widely regarded as the first time a black person ever fought back against a white man in film history, it’s an important moment that’s both awesomely badass and socially pertinent.

It’s the slap that’ll forever keep Rick James relevant within today’s 30-and-under crowd and give Charlie Murphy a reason to feel famous. If Dave Chappelle’s impersonation of Rick James isn’t the funniest thing in Chappelle’s Show’s history, it’s certainly the most quoted and remembered.

Ever since that February 11, 2004, night when the “Charlie Murphy’s True Hollywood Stories: Rick James” first aired, the words “I’m Rick James, bitch” have been synonymous with the sorely missed Comedy Central hit program. To this day, Chappelle’s exaggerated impression of the late drug-addled R&B icon is still hilarious, and the skit’s apex remains the part when James tells Murphy what “the five fingers said to the face.” If you don’t know the next word, we have five other ones for you: Fuck yo' sense of humor!

After a long night of stealing hooch, busting guns, and making a name for himself in the prohibition-era criminal underworld, Tom Powers (played by O.G. tough guy James Cagney) just wants a little booze for breakfast—that’s not much to ask, right? Unfortunately, he has one of those significant others who cares about her lover’s well-being. Poor guy.

In order to show his lady who’s boss, Cagney lets his pimp hand go off; only, he doesn’t just redden her cheek up with a mundane slap. He’s Jimmy friggin’ Cagney, for fuck’s sake! Cagney slaps his chick with a grapefruit before walking away with his I’m-the-man swag, simply because he can. How’s that for juice?

Oddly enough, Marlon Brando’s slap in The Godfather is perhaps the softest one on this countdown. But, come on, is it that difficult to comprehend why we’d save Don Corleone’s five-fingered show of dominance for last?

With so many pussy-footed dudes walking around nowadays, not a day goes by where we don’t wish that Brando’s Don C would pay someone a visit and tell them what he tells Johnny Fontane (played by Al Martino) in this classic scene: “Act like a man!” They don’t call them “bitch slaps” for nothing.