On the latest episode of Open Thoughts, Funny Marco sat down for an amusing conversation with the superstar comedian, and one of the random questions Marco asked was how many fights Hart has been in. According to Hart, he's undefeated and has a record of 4-0.
One of those wins came in the sixth grade from a girl who was bigger than the Philly native and grabbed his hooded sweatshirt. Hart was not amused and said he decided to take matters into his own hands, WWE style.
"I ain't like it," Hart said, holding a straight face. "I said, 'Don't do that.' She hit me, alright. 'You did this to yourself.' You remember the DDT? It was a wrestling move that was out where you put them in a headlock, smack their back, and go down. Wop, DDT'd her...[snores]...she sleep. 2-0."
In the other fights, Hart claimed he hit a third-grade classmate in the face with a tennis ball stuffed inside a sock and fought a guy in the ninth grade during lunch for calling him a little man.
It all then went off the walls when Hart sarcastically recounted a story of him fighting over a cab in New York City:
Hart showed Marco how the altercation went down and smacked his wrist telling him "That's my taxi, punk." Hart said he then punched the man as he tried to break free of his grip, and also knocked out the cab driver that tried to stop the fight.
"He's out, right? Now, because it's a mess, other people are looking around. I look like the bad guy, I don't want to look like the bad guy," Hart said. "People are now in a frenzy, and everybody is like, 'Yooo, that's crazy,' and one guy was like, 'You don't put your hands on people.'"
Hart explained that he roundhouse kicked the man and got into another hilarious altercation with the man's brother involving a butterfly knife. Hart came out victorious in the scuffle and was praised by the crowd of people who saw the whole alleged fight go down but knocked out a woman who called him a "ninja" which he mistook for "n***a."
He ended the story by explaining that he got in the cab and drove himself to his destination while claiming the footage is somewhere online labeled as "Kevin Takes Over New York" or "Kevin Fucks Up New York." The 44-year-old explained he hasn't fought since that incident three years ago as he's living more of a peaceful life.
"When you got what I got, you keep that shit in your pocket," Hart said. "I'm a walking muthafucking death trap."
Watch Hart talk about it all in the above clip starting at around the 29:48 minute mark.