Complex Presents: The Political Sex Scandal In/Out List

We hate to say it, but was anyone actually shocked by the recent departure of David Wu? After allegations surfaced of an unwanted sexual encounter with an 18-year-old, the Oregon lawmaker became the latest coitus-seeking congressman to step down, joining the ranks of unfortunate dudes before him who just couldn’t seem to keep their shady sexual relations from going public.

Though we can’t say we saw it coming, breaking news about political bootycalls seems to have become as frequent as ever—some might even say a straight-up trend. To help keep future House partiers on point, we’ve created an official Political Sex Scandal In/Out List, breaking down what’s passable and what’s passé when it comes to making X-rated headlines.

We cannot tell a lie: Getting serviced by servants is a practice that dates as far back as, say, some of our nation’s first leaders. While George Washington’s rumored relations with slaves might’ve flown a little more discreetly under the radar, Thomas Jefferson’s dirty dalliances with Sally Hemings, whom he took as his concubine, was believed to result in several children. But hooking up with slaves is so 1700s: Now it’s all about hired help, as Terminator-turned-Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger might attest. It was revealed this past May that he fathered a love child with his former housekeeper, Mildred Patrica Baena.

Democratic Congressman Barney Frank didn’t even have to leave his house to get buns; his male companion, prostitute Stevie Gobie, was invited to stay at the Massachusetts rep’s place and perform various paid tasks for him. (Ha!) This wound up backfiring, however, after said man-friend began using Frank’s digs as his own personal brothel. Perhaps he should’ve followed Mark Sanford’s example, who 20 years later, revealed just how far politicians were willing to go for their secret lovers: Argentina. After sketchily disappearing for close to a week, the South Carolina governor admitted that he’d been carrying on a yearlong affair with a woman in Buenos Aires.

Poor Eleanor Roosevelt shot herself in the foot the day she hired Lucy Mercer, the secretary with whom she’d discover her man, FDR, penning sweet nothings back and forth with in a series of love letters. (Dude even had his daughter helping him rendezvous after he’d been caught in the act.) Seeing as we’re no longer living in the early 1900s, however, love notes have become kind of schmaltzy. Our country’s leading men have a new way of letting their side chicks know they care—letting it rip on their clothing. Monica Lewinsky’s liquid love-soaked Gap dress is one she’ll likely remember as long as she lives.

Think call girl Ashley Alexandra Dupre’s grand-per-hour price tag seemed hefty? Mere pennies compared to the $87,000 Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi admitted to tossing “Ruby the Heart Stealer,” an underage erotic dancer. Supposedly it was to “save her” from a life of prostitution. Believe that? Yeah, neither do we.

Long before story after story began to break about politicians like Anthony Weiner trolling the Web for ladies, sending lewd photos, there was one tale in particular of booty scavenging that makes us crack up to this very day. As if you didn’t already need a reason to be wary of public restrooms, Idaho Senator Larry Craig was found attempting to solicit sex from his stall neighbor, who, unfortunately for him, turned out to be an undercover cop.

Apparently, in addition to tapping his foot and gesturing with his hand, Craig went on to creepily slide his foot beneath the partition, pressing it right up against his neighbor’s (which, to those in the know, was a call to action). Even more entertaining than the Senator’s arrest for lewd conduct, however, was his defense that he just happens to have “a wide stance” when using the bathroom.

We're sure that as long as there’s been Internet, there have been dudes in places of power sending scantily clad photos of themselves to swooning women. Those individuals, however, likely had a much better grasp of technology (or much lower trust levels) than GOP Congressman Chris Lee, who resigned shortly after he was discovered sending topless photos to a dame he met on Craigslist (while claiming to be single). But even his case of northern exposure had nothing on New York Rep. Anthony Weiner, whose lack of Twitter know-how resulted in his penis hitting the Web. Soon after, there was an equally surprising reveal: The married man had been carrying on six different online relationships.

—But even political nudity can get tired, which is why the photos circulating in the wake of David Wu’s resignation make for a fresh change of pace. We aren’t really sure why he sent this weird shot to his staffers in the midst of his re-election campaign (who in turn became convinced that the rep needed to seek psychiatric help), but we’d like to think that he was just demonstrating his allegiance to the furry community.

Playboy JFK’s love life was believed to be filled with conquests, but none came close to his notable rumored fling with sex bomb Marylin Monroe. Rather than scorning the movie star, however, the public embraced her sultry rendition of “Happy Birthday” (said to have set the whole thing into effect), which is still lovingly remembered (and shittily reenacted) today. We don’t know if we can say the same about Ashley Dupre’s…talents, but rather than letting her time in the spotlight get her down, the former call girl managed to parlay her infamy into a Playboy shoot, an advice column with the New York Post, and a spot on VH1’s destined-to-be-cancelled Famous Food.

President Clinton learned the hard way that dipping his pen (or cigar) in office ink is never the greatest idea, but particularly when it comes to underlings. The starstruck White House intern spilled the most intimate details of their sexcapades to her backstabbing co-worker, Linda Tripp, setting forth a chain of events that led to Clinton’s eventual impeachment. While former Nevada Senator John Ensign and Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick’s more recent jumpoffs with campaign staffers and city officials didn’t end much better, they at least weren’t plagued with the added task of scribing those pesky letters of recommendation. (We’d love to see Monica’s.)

Mark Foley was once a well-respected Republican congressman. That is, until it was revealed that he had been sending explicit e-mails and instant messages to underage male pages, some even as young as 16. The Florida rep’s rep was beyond damaged, and perhaps it was around this time that his successors realized it was better to make babies than make passes at them. But with their wives? Nah, that’s boring.

2010 and 2011 brought back the time-honored tradition of the love child, first with John Edwards’ big reveal, then Arnold’s. Unfortunately, the celebrity governor’s wife wasn’t quite as understanding as some of the others. She bid her husband a final hasta la vista before filing for divorce.