10 Ways John Cusack Can Get His Swag Back

When we first caught a glimpse of the preview for this weekend's Edgar Allan Poe-inspired thriller, The Raven, not a head in the room was left unshaken. From a premise that reads like a weird rip-off of Urban Legend to a hilarious moment featuring the gun-wielding author crying, "I'll send you to hell!" from behind a rock, each clip surpasses the last as proof that this flick may take the cake as the most unintentionally funny of the season.

Stepping into Poe's shoes is none other than John Cusack, who, in this unforeseen take on the author's life, has his work cut out for him portraying the troubled wordsmith as a serial killer-chasing action hero, one in the midst of trying to put the kibosh on a series of murders modeled after his own stories. We have a few choice words for the film's star on the matter. To quote a certain titular raven, "Nevermore."

As Cusack fans, it saddens us to see one of Hollywood's most iconic actors rocking with roles such as these, especially when they feel like such a far cry from the symbol of hope he embodied in Say Anything. John, we know you're deserving of better. If we could (you know, say anything), we'd advise you to pay special attention, because we've got just the Rx for that resume dip: 10 Ways John Cusack Can Get His Swag Back.

Written by Lauren Otis (@LaurNado)

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Did you know John Cusack is a badass kickboxer? (We're betting no.) Though he often plays the herb in films, the guy trained for years and years with champion kickboxer Benny "The Jet" Urquidez, and could probably kick your ass if he wanted to.

Consider this one of those instances in which, just maybe, business and pleasure are best left un-separated. Who on earth wouldn't pay to see this man send adversaries flying with a sweeping roundhouse kick like some white Bruce Lee? And isn't Hollywood long overdue for another Mortal Kombat movie? The role of Sub-Zero should be as good as his. Get him in a martial arts movie with Chris Tucker and he's officially unstoppable. Flawless victory.

Like Cusack, Betty White's most iconic role is from the late '80s, but the actress managed to make one of the industry's most impressive comebacks nearly two decades later. What gives? We'll tell you: commercials.

Yes, plenty of people frown upon them, leading leading men and ladies to flee to other countries to make the beaucoup bucks, but in some cases, selling out has proven to be just the right maneuver to jump-start a career that's reached a stalemate. For White, the turning point can be traced back to a Super Bowl Snickers commercial that not only reminded the world that she existed, but that she was also pretty fucking funny.

With big directors like David Lynch, Wes Anderson, and Spike Jonze (with whom Cusack has previously collaborated) shifting their lenses over to products from time to time in place of film stars, a money-making opportunity could turn into an even better networking opportunity.

It didn't cast Cusack in the best light when his former best friend and roommate Jeremy Piven fessed up to Best Life magazine that his boy had been, to put it lightly, less than supportive of his crazy success with Entourage. After years of the guy playing his lackey, you'd think the star would be happy to see his friend's career take off in a big way playing foul-mouthed super agent Ari Gold. Apparently, it was the contrary. Of Cusack's handling of his new stardom, Piven expressed, "No comment. I mean, you could fill in the blank I bet." Further, "It just says so much about a person if he has space for other people's success."

Damn.

On the flip side, it's never too late to right the wrong, and extending the olive branch to his pal, especially before the press with his new project, Mr. Selfridge reaches a peak, would be the move of a big man. Seeing the duo happily reunited just in time for the show's premiere would no doubt cause millions of '90s movie-goers to collectively "Awwww." Maybe they can even walk the red carpet together. Now that's paparazzi gold right there.

Much like HBO, the esteemed producer always takes care of his own. When walking by any poster for an Apatow-directed, produced, or written flick, it's likely you'll see one of a handful of familiar faces glancing back. Once an actor's been initiated into the Apatow "family," they're effectively set for life. Just look at Jonah Hill or Paul Rudd. Hill was far from the conventional leading man and Rudd had a track record of appearing in chick flicks.

Thanks to Apatow, who's become more than a name, but a brand, once-obscure bit actors have become stars and those who've been out of the limelight for a minute come to be hailed by millions across the country as the funniest actors in Hollywood. The chance to flex those comic muscles in Apatow's movies is invaluable (especially since it means you'll probably be guaranteed work in every last one of his movies until parted by death).

Cusack, a funny guy in his own right, could profit big-time from a meeting with the hit-maker. Even a quick cameo (which, in the dude's movies, can prove to be some of the most memorable moments) could be the jumping-off point for a long and prosperous relationship.

When people speak of Showtime's long-running drama about lovable serial killer Dexter Morgan (Michael C. Hall), the program's guest stars are always the first thing referenced, having come to serve as a barometer of sorts when gauging the quality of the season. "The one with Julia Stiles" immediately causes eyes to roll, while we can't remember the last time people sang so many praises about Trinity Killer John Lithgow since...wait, have they ever?

That said, in the wake of what was arguably Dexter's lamest season to date, all eyes will be on the new baddie on the block to breathe new life—or death—into the show (as well as turn our attention away from that destined-to-be-bad brotherly love plotline). Enter John Cusack. Having gained some additional, valuable experience playing creepy in The Raven, dude's primed and ready for writers to put a knife in his hand. Or a gun, or an axe, or a fisherman's hook. And who knows? There might just be a Golden Globe with his name on it. (Hey, it worked for Lithgow, who beat out Neil Patrick Harris and Jeremy Piven for the honor.)

You know what they say: The family that makes movies together...uh, OK, scratch that theory. But no one can argue that the films our subject cranked out with his sister Joan were anything short of awesome (with the obvious exception of Martian Child).

Could Joan Cusack's presence be just the charm to guarantee another collection of crowd and critic-pleasers? After all, the common link between Sixteen Candles, Say Anything, High Fidelity, and Grosse Pointe Blank—all different, all classics in their own right—was Lady Cusack. It's time to capitalize on that bond once again.

It's done wonders for Ryan Gosling, Chuck Norris, and Rick Astley, and yes, a brand new meme revolving around John Cusack would be hugely effective in helping to make the actor just as beloved a part of pop culture as he once was.

As we've learned, some of the best publicity doesn't cost a cent. With the rise of viral videos and marketing, celebrities don't even need to make appearances or do press junkets to get into the public's good graces—merely surfacing on a site with a few choice corny words around a cut-out of their head does the trick just fine.

Just look at the out-of-the-blue comeback of Rick Astley shortly after the "Rickrolling" phenomenon took over the Internet; MTV Europe dubbed him the Best Act Ever. That's no small feat, especially from an artist whose video was released when the voters were probably babies.

In conclusion, never underestimate the power of the meme. Someone get Cusack's assistant on that, pronto!

The moment John Cusack thrust that boombox over his head in efforts to win back his love in Say Anything, he became a romantic icon. Women everywhere plastered his face onto their walls and rom-com moviemakers realized that Lloyd Dobler (or the man who embodied him) was a serious cash cow.

That, on the other hand, doesn't mean that one should allow one of their definitive roles to define them for good. Remember when Roger Ebert called Serendipity one of the best films of the decade? Of course you don't. That's because he hated it, dubbing it "temporary insanity" on Cusack's part and adding that "it bounces them through so many amazing coincidences and serendipitous parallels and cosmic concordances that fate is not merely knocking on the door, it has entered with a SWAT team and is banging their heads together and administering poppers."

Sure, being a rom-com Romeo has its benefits ($274 million of them for Cusack, according to reports), but a string of fluffy flicks isn't what you want to be associated with when you've got awesome projects under your belt like Grosse Pointe Blank and High Fidelity that showcase cooler, quirkier sides. Our advice? Continue to combat one-dimensionality by putting as much distance between himself and Must Love Dogs-esque flicks as possible.

Rumor has it that John Cusack came thisclose to snagging the part of Raoul Duke in 1998's Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. As a man who personally knew and has been known to make reference to his friendship with Hunter S. Thompson, who better to swipe the part of the late author's next on-screen alias from Johnny Depp, who appears to be busying himself with a myriad of family-friendly flicks these days?

Despite mixed reviews from critics, there was hardly a dude out there that could contain his excitement when previews for The Rum Diary first started making the rounds. It'd be surprising if the author's published works didn't find their way back onto the big screen again. When this happens, Cusack had better be ready to pounce: The second chance could help paint him in an entirely new light to theatergoers—and casting directors. A darker, batshit-crazier Cusack? Sign us up.

Sometimes if you want something done right, you've gotta do it yourself. Cusack once reflected that his ultimate goal is to be involved in "a great piece of art," a dream that, as of yet, he feels he hasn't quite fulfilled. Well, with writing credits under his belt from some of his most beloved flicks, like High Fidelity, what's to stop him from churning out that masterpiece himself?

Just look at what the move did for Zach Braff, Nia Vardalos, and (soon enough) Lena Dunham, other writers who not only penned masterful scripts, but assumed the leading roles. The only thing holding Cusack back from that great piece of art might just be Cusack.