10 Supernatural Creatures That Should Be On "True Blood"

Don’t get it confused—we aren’t talking about the cutesy kind with the stylish afros and diamond belly buttons. A handful of the folkloric creatures known for their general ugliness and badass bridge-guarding skills would be a perfect addition to True Blood.

Their first task: Seduce Jason Stackhouse (Ryan Kwanten). Jason’s demonstrated notoriously shitty judgment when it comes to both hallucinogens and women (his most recent catch is a meth-cooking were-panther, for fuck's sake). We can’t imagine a cast member more likely to get into a raw, V-induced hookup, only to snap out of it and discover himself nose-to-massive-nose with one of the foul creatures. Don’t say we didn’t call it.

Sookie’s pal Tara (Rutina Wesley) can’t ever seem to catch a break. When she isn’t busy dealing with boyfriend shootings or being tormented by evil caretakers, she’s waist-deep in questionable decisions with dudes that turn out to be quirky rapists, or, you know, her boss.

Mark our words, though: Tara’s going to have her day. The regular nervous breakdowns you’ve come to know and expect won’t be around forever, and the show will need to fill the void. Banshees, the mythical Irish creatures known for their shrieking and wailing (generally believed to serve as an omen of death) can help the show maintain this quota. With the speedy turnover rate at Merlotte’s, we’re sure there’s a place for one on staff as a waitress.

Yeah, they might be immortal, but it really does seem like vampires are given an unfair amount of chances on True Blood when it comes to close brushes with (“the true”) death, while our favorite likable normies drop like flies. It seems only fair that the recently deceased should be extended the same courtesy.

For that reason, we’ve decided that zombies are a fair solution. Who wouldn’t want to see Sookie’s sweet old gram get a second chance at life, even if it is as an animated corpse? In between brain-gnawing sessions, she could surface to provide helpful bits of wisdom while cooking dope-looking pies.

A season in Bon Temps doesn’t feel complete without some sort of looming mystery, and, as we’ve discovered, even the seemingly normal civilians aren’t what they appear. Aside from the fact that he’s probably spent way longer than any grown man should living at home with his mama, Hoyt Fortenberry (Jim Parrack) seems to be one of the only residents who's not guilty of toting around a big secret.

For this very reason, we’re pretty certain his eventual reveal will turn out to be the most shocking of all. One possibility: He’s Sasquatch. Those long walks through the woods aren’t spent hunting and plowing—they’re spent leaving scary-ass footprints with Bigfoot swag.

The fictional Louisiana town of Bon Temps has been invaded by pretty much everyone, and everything, else—why not throw some aliens in the mix? We’re sure vampire king Russell Edgington’s (Denis O'Hare) deep-rooted desire to dominate the humans has probably involved some dealings with Martians that date way back. Scheming with aliens seems way more appropriate here than werewolves, anyway. If a booklet titled “To Serve Man” mysteriously pops up this season, you’ll know who’s behind it.

With Rene’s (Michael Raymond James) phony Cajun self and Maryann (Michelle Forbes) the maenad both out of the picture, the show’s been lacking in the mysterious offings that brought the suspense in seasons one and two. A squad of the flesh-munching barbarians of Algonquian legend can remedy that. Can they please start with Jason’s irritating girlfriend? Nah, that’s mean. Actually, yeah, let's start there.

With Lafayette’s (Nelsan Ellis) man-friend Jesus (Kevin Alejandro) bringing some Latin flavor to the show, why not infuse it with a bit more in the form of a Chupacabra? The reptilian-headed, kangaroo-bodied creature of Puerto Rican myth, which famously joneses for goat blood, would make an ideal pet for the suspiciously nice brujo. It’d also be priceless to watch it escape and find its way into the Hoyt's mother's home and shut that annoying lady up for good.

Mummies have been unfairly excluded from sex symbol status, with vampires and werewolves running the show. It’s about time one showed up to represent.

However, a bloodthirsty, gauze-clad creature from Ancient Egypt feels random in the middle of Louisiana. We’d like to imagine True Blood’s updated mummy perhaps being a dude who fell victim to a hazing prank gone awry and has come back for revenge. Watch your back, Jason.

The Fangtasia dungeon has served as both a prison and home away from home for many. With the execution of Eric’s (Alexander Skarsgard) traitorous business partner Longshadow, and Ginger (the consistently-screaming barmaid)’s days likely being numbered, it’s high-time the Viking-turned-entrepreneur found himself a new business partner.

Allow us to nominate Frankenstein. Dude’s probably been down there in the dungeon all along. Plus, he’ll bring some much-needed height to the show to rival Eric’s, who can’t help but dominate every scene when the other actors look four feet tall next to him.

Of all the mythical creatures we can imagine making a cameo on True Blood, dragons might actually have the best shot. In the event that Sam Merlotte (Sam Trammell) doesn’t shape-shift into one and destroy the town in a moment of angst, we can’t imagine Sookie (Anna Paquin) won’t unintentionally bring a few back to the dirty south with her through her weird fairy portal, not to mention a couple of hobbits. But, alas, we’ll all have to wait until Sunday to know for sure.