Image via Complex Original
The world's outlook didn't improve much as the summer came to a close. September proved that drunk driving is still a huge problem, a new method of drinking will send you to the ER just as fast, and not even mental visits from a rock star can help save people from unacceptable behavior. There are just three months remaining in the last year on the Mayan calendar, so here's to hoping that the horrible things that have gone down in 2012 haven't doomed us all.
December 21st isn't that far away. As you anticipate the end, check out the 25 Most Ratchet News Stories of September 2012.
Written by Julian Kimble (@JRK316).
Four Times in 26 Hours
Date: 9/2/2012
Let's say you've had sex four times in 26 hours—that's great. You deserve a pat on the back. But if you've been arrested four times in 26 hours, like this New Hampshire woman, you get no dap. Just lots of head shaking.
Still Thuggin' at 82
Date: 9/3/2012
Your grandparents were probably retired by the time they were 82. But not this Cali OG—at 82, she's still adding lines to her rap sheet.
23. Whites Only Reunion
Date: 9/4/2012
How far have we come? In 2012, the class of 1973 at this Louisiana high school was going to have its first desegregated reunion. But the invitations were printed wrong, and still read "whites only" when mailed.
Cocaine Godmother
Date: 9/4/2012
Rap loves to name-check Escobar, but those with deep knowledge know to respect Griselda Blanco, aka the "Cocaine Godmother." Her story is one for the movies.
Revenge in Turkey
Date: 9/4/2012
Tarantino's Kill Bill has nothing on this true tale of revenge from Turkey, where a rape victim exacted brutal revenge on her rapist.
Don't Let Non-Professionals Enlarge Your Penis
Date: 9/13/2012
Be happy with what God gave you. It might save your life.
The Hider in the House
Date: 9/12/2012
Love may not live here anymore, but this woman's ex-boyfriend still did.
An Airport Heist for the Books
Date: 9/12/2012
The methodical crime to outdo all methodical crimes involves many, many tiny bottles of liquor.
Robbers Make It Rain
Date: 9/12/2012
During the escape, the robbers turned to strip club behavior, and made it rain.
Beaten with His Own Prosthetic Limb
Date: 9/14/2012
That horrible moment when your girlfriend uses your prosthetic limb against you.
Boiled for Four Days
Date: 9/19/2012
This homicidal chef boiled his wife's body for four days. The recipe is not available.
Her Father and Her Husband
Date: 9/20/2012
Imagine how awkward future family reunions will be for this woman, who learned that her dad was also her husband.
The Safe Return of His Donkey
Date: 9/20/2012
Clearly no one understands the bond between this man and his donkey, even if it is illegal. And disgusting.
Gospel vs. Porn
Date: 9/21/2012
Annoyed by the neighbors' loud gospel music? Clap back with sin (read: loud porn).
Hostage Situation Updates on Facebook
Date: 9/21/2012
The new-age hostage situation, where updates are provided via Facebook by the captor.
There's a Facebook Riot Goin' On
Date: 9/23/2012
Project X hits Europe, and with equally devastating results.
How'd That Eel Get There?
Date: 9/24/2012
Imagine explaining to doctors why there was an eel inside of your ass.
The Worst Subway Ride Ever
Date: 9/27/2012
The train "be crowded," and so is jail, where this guy, who masturbated on a teenager, belongs.
Telepathic Rape
Date: 9/28/2012
A twisted tale of revenge involves "telepathic rape"—hopefully this doesn't catch on.
Sexting Your Address Book
Date: 9/28/2012
Just sexted your entire list of contacts? A good case for ditching your BlackBerry.
Criminally-Dope Hair Weaves
Date: 9/28/2012
"Hair Weave Killa" officially becomes a new name for cocaine. Thank you, 2 Chainz.
