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The purpose of a horror movie is pretty straightforward: to scare the shit out of the moviegoing souls brave enough to plant themselves in a seat for 90-plus minutes and look on as whatever frightening storyline the filmmakers have concocted unfolds before them.
In the case of a really good horror movie (like the 10 great ones we recently gave props to), that same audience will hopefully look on through the hands that are covering their eyes from time to time. But for less successful attempts in the genre, eliciting a belly laugh is sometimes easier than a scream. Particularly when it comes to a poorly thought-out villain.
From homicidal baked goods to dwarves with attitudes, these are The 25 Most Unintentionally Funny Horror Movie Villains.
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25. Jack Schmidt in Monsturd (2003)
This is not a practical joke. Monsturd is a real movie and its villain is exactly what it sounds like: a crazy ass shit (literally). More specifically, he's a serial killer (Brad Dosland) on the run from police who gets trapped in a sewer tunnel, where he encounters the chemicals that turn him into the monster of the title. Sort of like a fecal version of The Toxic Avenger. The only reason this film doesn't rank higher up on this list is that we refuse to believe anyone who would title and release a film called Monsturd hadn't intended to grab at least a few chuckles.
24. The tomatoes in Attack of the Killer Tomatoes! (1978)
Like Monsturd, the cult classic Attack of the Killer Tomatoes! is meant to induce both laughter and gasps. Hence its placement lower on the list. But any movie that does indeed attempt to make fruit frightening (yes, it is a fruit) can't be ignored. Its sequel, released a decade later and starring a young George Clooney, is also ripe for the watching.
23. Dr. Alan Feinstone in The Dentist (1996)
Oh, how the mighty have fallen. In 1986, Corbin Bernsen was the hottest thing on television playing bad boy divorce lawyer Arnie Becker on the hit show L.A. Law. A decade later he was playing yet another white-collar professional, Dr. Alan Feinstone, who psychologically snaps when he learns that his beautiful wife is banging the pool boy. But rather than unleash his inner Arnie Becker on her, Feinstone takes his anger out on his patients. Who knew a simple cleaning could be so painful?
22. Dr. Evan Rendell in Dr. Giggles (1992)
Four years before The Dentist, Corbin Bernsen's L.A. Law co-star Larry Drake went the crazy doctor route—or, at least, the son of a crazy doctor, who becomes known as Dr. Giggles. After his father is stoned to death for removing the hearts of several of his patients in an attempt to bring his dead wife back from the dead, Dr. Giggles escapes from a mental institution to finish the job his father started. "Giggles" is spot-on.
21. The laundry press in The Mangler (1995)
Creating a compelling story with an inanimate object as the villain isn’t impossible. But it’s certainly not easy to do. As Tobe Hooper learned when he adapted this short story by Stephen King, in which an innocent little laundry press is anything but.
20. Chucky in Child's Play (1988)
We're not going to pretend that Child’s Play isn’t without its merits, or charms. Maybe it’s just nostalgia, but there’s something sort of fun about a badass little doll that wreaks havoc on the world. But even with that gravelly voice and sociopathic attitude, it’s really hard to get too worked up about a 12-inch piece of killer molded plastic. The movie's producers clearly realized that, too, as the franchise has evolved into much more of a comedic one with each new entry.
19. Belial in Basket Case (1982)
Cult director Frank Henenlotter would prefer to be called an "exploitation" director over a "horror" one. But Basket Case's low-budget roots are firmly planted on the scary side. If only the same could be said for Belial, the homicidal Siamese twin who lives in a basket... and resembles a melted ball of Playdough.
18. Torok the Troll in Troll (1986)
Torok looks more like the little old man who might offer you a piece of hard candy from his pocket than an evil little troll who is systematically transforming the residents of an apartment building into mythical creatures.
17. The clowns in Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988)
Like kids, clowns can totally be scary. (See Pennywise in It, the clown doll in Poltergeist and John Wayne Gacy during his day job.) But Klowns—with a K, like a Kardashian—are not. Then again, the Killer Klowns from Outer Space are actually just aliens masquerading as clowns, somehow believing that such a disguise will make it easier for them to capture and harvest humans.
16. The Leprechaun in Leprechaun (1993)
Note to future horror movie producers: if you're going to transform a well-known mythical creature into a raging psychopath, choose better than a leprechaun. With his tiny stature, gold-buckled top hat and cute little leprechaun phrases, there's just nothing here from which fear can grow. We will give him this, though: there is a moment in the franchise’s fourth installment—Leprechaun in the Hood—that can legitimately send shivers down one's spine. And that is when the leprechaun raps.
15. The hobgoblins in Hobgoblins (1988)
There’s not a lot more one can say about the hysterically funny “horror” film that is Hobgoblins that Mike, Crow T. Robot, Tom Servo and Gypsy didn’t already skewer on Mystery Science Theater 3000. Except to say the next time a horror moviemaker wants to rip off a Joe Dante movie, go with The Howling.
14. Gregory Tudor in Ice Cream Man (1995)
Truth be told, there is something slightly creepy about Clint Howard in general. Sort of like Jackie Earle Haley, but with an Oscar-winning brother. So Clint—who seems like a lovely guy in real life—is really ripe for the picking to play a psycho. But even with all that inherent strangeness, the best occupations screenwriters David Dobkin and Sven Davidson could come up with for this recently released mental institution inmate is… an ice cream man? Try again!
13. The stuff in The Stuff (1985)
Like a pie crust dough gone crazy, the carnivorous stuff in The Stuff just doesn't cut it as an object of fear. Which is disappointing, as the film was written, directed and produced by Larry Cohen, who made It's Alive in 1974. One can only wonder whether the results would have been equally ridiculous in the hands of someone like David Cronenberg.
12. Fats in Magic (1978)
What's that? You didn't know Anthony Hopkins once starred in a killer doll movie? Well, he did. But it was a movie directed by Richard Attenborough and scripted by William Goldman (based on his novel), So its pedigree is quite impressive. And there's no denying that the film—which earned Hopkins his first of six Golden Globe nominations—has some truly strong elements. Still, it's hard to get past any movie where a ventriloquist's dummy is perpetrating evil.
11. The elevator in The Lift (1983)
The Lift, directed by Dutch filmmaker Dick Maas (who remade an American version of the film, called Down, in 2001) just may have one of the greatest taglines of all time: Take the stairs, take the stairs. For God's sake, take the stairs!!! (Note: the triple exclamation point is indeed part of the official tagline.) Like The Mangler, it's hard to get too creative with a killer that is inanimate. But hey, at least this homicidal appliance can move up and down.
10. Swamp Thing in Swamp Thing (1982)
Like a botanical Green Goblin, Dr. Alec Holland (Ray Wise) becomes the result of his own science experiment when he attempts to cross-breed an animal with a plant to create a living being that can sustain the harshest conditions. But a teensy weensy accident turns the good doctor into Swamp Thing. And while that would all make for a fine Saturday Afternoon Creatue Double Feature-type affair, the makeup effects are what make Swamp Thing so laughable.
9. The turkey in ThanksKilling (2009)
Just in case you didn't get the pun, the producers of ThanksKilling made sure to capitalize that second 'K.' Good thing. Otherwise, anyone watching this tale of a turkey terrorizing a group of students over Thanksgiving break might not know that there's an attempt at horror being made here. Horror-comedy, definitely. But horror nonetheless.
8. The slugs in Slugs: The Movie (1988)
Slugs are gross. But deadly? Mmmmm... not so much. But try telling Mike Brady (Michael Garfield) that when a series of mysterious and gruesome deaths rock his tiny town and he announces his theories that a family of killer slugs may be the culprit. Has anyone in this town ever heard of a shoe? Step on 'em; problem solved.
7. The lamp in Amityville 4: The Evil Escapes (1989)
Two words: demonic lamp.
6. Debbie, Curtis, and Steven in Bloody Birthday (1981)
Kids and horror movies can definitely make for a creepy mix. But three kids who happen to be born at the same time in the midst of a total eclipse and, as such, are born without emotions? Well, that's more silly than scary. Particularly when the kids are as cheek-pinchingly adorable as the trio at the heart of this '80s cult classic, in which standard-issue sporting goods (a baseball bat, a bow and arrow) are wielded in dedicedly unsportsman-like ways.
5. Sam in Uncle Sam (1996)
In what universe is a stars-and-stripes-clad icon-of-patriotism-gone-nutso the definition of terror? After being killed by friendly fire in Kuwait, American solder Sam Harper (David Fralick) is reincarnated on July 4th—the most patriotic day of all—as a psycho version of Uncle Sam intent on killing those who don't seem to wave their grand old flag proudly.
4. The mutant rabbits in Night of the Lepus (1972)
We'll give director William F. Claxton a couple of points for changing the name of this sci-fi novel adaptation from The Year of the Angry Rabbit to The Night of the Lepus. Because most people don't know what a lepus is, the title is actually somewhat intriguing. But once you find out that it's just the scientific classification for a bunny rabit, interest wanes quickly. Especially when you learn that the movie is about a tiny town in Arizona's attempt to take down thousands of giant, carnivorous bunny rabits run amok.
3. Jack Frost in Jack Frost (1997)
Not to be confused with the equally scary 1998 film of the same name, in which Michael Keaton plays a dad who dies in a car acccident but is resurrected as a snowman one year later to make amends with his young son, Michael Cooney's 1997 film is not quite so family friendly. But the plots aren't really so different.
Jack Frost (Scott MacDonald) is a serial killer who is killed in a car accident on the way to his own execution. Or at least presumably so. In reality, the car crashed into a vehicle carrying some sort of genetic material that caused him to turn into a snowman who, when it gets cold enough, is back to his old murderous tricks. And in one truly bizarre scene rapes a woman (Shannon Elizabeth) in the shower. Disturbing as that may be, nothing about a homicidal Frosty will ever be scary.
2. Millard Findlemeyer in The Gingerdead Man (2005)
When we say “Gary Busey,” two words likely spring to your mind: “teeth” and “crazy.” But let us enlighten you on two others: Gingerdead Man. Yes, in 2005, the “actor” who loves to remind everyone that he was nominated for an Oscar back when white leisure suits were still fashionable provided the voice for what very well may be the single worst horror movie villain ever: a serial killer named Millard Findlemeyer who is reincarnated as a gingerbread cookie following his electrocution on death row. Unsurprisingly, the film spawned two sequels.
1. The bed in Death Bed: The Bed That Eats (1977)
Though the film—the only feature to ever come from writer-director George Barry—was made in 1977, it didn't actually get a release until 2004, when it went straight to DVD. The reason for this 27-year lapse between completion and exhibition? Well, Barry claims that he had forgotten he'd even made Death Bed in the first place. Not a ringing endorsement for the film. But who among us can say that his or her interest isn't piqued by a movie in which a sturdy four-poster bed serves as a vehicle for homicide? And if Barry's ever thinking of a sequel, we've got a truly horrifying script called Squishy: The Sofa That Suffocates that's waiting for a greenlight.