Image via Complex Original
On Christmas Eve, children across the globe head to bed early so Santa Claus can break into their house, eat their cookies, and hopefully, leave them a sweet Nerf gun. The jolly old man lives a simple life of giving, but Santa needs to get some, too.
We've spent countless hours watching movies, television, and the baby they make, made-for-TV movies, just so we could bring you 10 of Santa's hottest hook-ups. The big guy has to get his kicks somehow, and here's a list that proves that the sleigh isn't the only thing he rides.
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10. Ashley Williams as Sandy Brooks in Snow (2004)
Nick Snowden (Tom Cavanagh) just took over the family business, and since this made-for-TV movie premiered during ABC Family's 25 Days of Christmas, the family business is, of course, being Santa Claus. It's not long until he messes it up and loses one of the newest reindeer, inspiring him to woo the adorable Sandy Brooks (Ashley Williams), an animal keeper at the zoo.
9. Jessica Biel as Allie in I'll Be Home for Christmas (1998)
Jessica Biel had been our crush since 7th Heaven, but when she played the love interest to teen heartthrob Jonathan Taylor Thomas in I'll Be Home for Christmas, holiday movies had a new home in our heart.
A country-wide drive, thieves, and a race couldn't keep JTT's character Jake away from Allie (Biel). And, when he arrived in his Santa suit after days of travel and sweat, she still held her arms open for him in New York. Yeah, she's a keeper.
8. Amy Poehler, Kristen Wiig, and Maya Rudolph on Saturday Night Live
While we don't condone cheating on your lady, we totally get where Santa is coming from on this one. The dude gets one day a year to get away from the house, away from the ol' lady, and away from the thousands of little people he's forced into slavery. It's kind of understandable that he'd try to score three mistresses, and who better than three ladies who are used to staying up past midnight to perform?
7. Miss Jessica in Santa Claus is Comin' to Town (1970)
Is there anything more nostalgic than the stop-motion animated Christmas specials? And the best one by far is Santa Claus is Coming to Town. Kris Kringle is a certified badass (he brings toys to a village that sees happy children as a criminal offense), he has a pet penguin, and he gets to marry the hottest marionette in existence, Miss Jessica (voiced by Robie Lester).
Is that weird? No, because like us you first saw this special when you were four and you've had a crush on the school teacher, who vaguely resembles Lana Del Rey, ever since.
6. Elizabeth Mitchell as Carol Newman in The Santa Clause 2 (2002)
As Santa Claus' (Tim Allen) would-be Mrs. Claus, former Scrooge-y high school principal Carol Newman (Elizabeth Mitchell) came around when we were just a little too old to still believe in Santa, too young to stop watching Disney movies, and just the right age to find her hot.
5. Laura Vandervoort as Jennifer Walker in Desperately Seeking Santa (2011)
Laura Vandervoort plays Jennifer, a no-nonsense executive at a failing mall who inspires a search to find a "sexy Santa," played by Nick Zano, to replace the old, child-friendly one. That's because, as she says while pitching the idea, she knows that's who "stay-at-home moms, twenty-something career girls, and desperate housewives all want to unwrap for Christmas." Ultimately, she's the one who ends up "unwrapping."
4. Charlize Theron as Ashley in Reindeer Games (2000)
Reindeer Games opens with a bank heist and a number of robbers dressed up as Santa. One of them is Ben Affleck, a nobody who just got out of jail, who gets to hook up with Charlize Theron. We're not sure what is so appealing about girls getting naughty for old Kris Kringle, but we hope it never stops.
This crime thriller is a traditional Christmas flick in our house, mostly because we get to see Charlize topless and in thigh highs. We just have to deal with shots of Ben Affleck's butt at the same time.
3. Jessica Lowndes as Adrianna Tate-Duncan in 90210
Jessica Lowndes took a turn singing the ultimate sugar daddy hit "Santa Baby" as Adrianna in the 90210 remake. Dressed up as a naughty Mrs. Claus, while being pulled along the ice by burly men dressed as reindeer, she proved that Santa can still get his kicks with the hot, young ones. That is, of course, if he showers her with gifts. It's the thought that counts, Santa, but at least make it worth a lot of money.
2. Sharon Leal as Kelli Whitfield in This Christmas (2007)
If sentimental family Christmas flicks aren't high on your wish-list, we'd still recommend clicking through a few choice scenes from This Christmas. The gorgeous Sharon Leal plays the college-smart Kelli, who's too busy to settle down, has a cat fight with her sister in the rain, and hooks up with a guy dressed as Santa (Mekhi Phifer). It's enough to send most guys out to purchase a red suit and a fake beard.
1. Lauren Graham as Sue in Bad Santa (2003)
If this list isn't besmerching Santa's good name enough for you, we encourage a viewing of Bad Santa. Billy Bob Thorton does his best to make Santa's jolliness look less like a bowl full of jelly and more like a flask full of whiskey, and Lauren Graham, as Sue, makes the naughty list seem like a glorious place to be.
We're intrigued by a any woman who will go shot for shot with someone who resembles a bum in a Santa suit, and Sue does just that. Of course, that's in addition to dragging Santa to a car for a quickie and making him stay in costume while doing so.
