For those of you who are avid watchers of MTV's Jersey Shore—which is to say, for everyone with eyes in their head and a keen appreciation of trainwrecks—you probably saw the world's most steroid-ridden romantic, Ronnie, throw some bows on the boardwalk last night. Some schmuck who thought that Seaside Heights was more gangster then the motherfucking BRONX tried to impress his girlfriend and failed miserably. There's a lesson to be learned here: don't write check your ass can't cash, and Ronnie's got some wicked overdraft insurance.
For all its annoying sanctimony about the Snooki punch last month, we have to hand it to MTV: they know we love to watch functionally retarded people whale on each other. The heads over at Viacom are no stranger to controversy, and they know that what they do best is fisticuffs. Some of the fights they've aired over the years have been damn near legendary asswhuppings, and it would be downright uncivilized not to recognize them. Check out, then, a nine-round brawl of the greatest fights on MTV...
Ronnie vs. local, Jersey Shore
CIRCUMSTANCES A drunk dude at the bar next to our favorite guidos transitions from rude questions to catcalls to having his girl trying to claw Ronnie's eyes out. Ronnie handles it like a gentleman, opting instead to mush the dude in the face and pull a hockey-fight move with his OWN t-shirt.
WHO WON? The ever-chivalrous Ronnie, who somehow managed to crawl home to Sammi's instigating ass and punk himself out all over again. Boogie Down Briddonx all day, thun!
WHO'S THE HOTTEST GUIDETTE ON 'JERSEY SHORE'?
THE SITUATION'S FIRST MIXTAPE