The 25 Worst Post-Politics Career Choices By Politicians

Most ex-politicians become lobbyists or set straight to work on memoirs after they leave office. That's so boring, especially when you consider all the other options for American lawmakers.

Whether it's investing in some Baskin-Robbins franchises, spending every last dime decking out your man cave, or jumping on a reality show in a warped attempt to assert your innocence in the face of those embezzling charges, the possibilities for shame and denial are endless!

Let's take a moment to salute outside-the-box thinkers who blazed their own post-politics trail, regardless of the heartache it caused friends, family, and country.

These are the 25 Worst Post-Political Career Choices by Politicians.

Written by Brenden Gallagher (@muddycreekU)

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Highest Office Held: President of the United States

Franklin Pierce fell victim to the 1860s-version of hitting "reply all" on an office email. After the Battle of Vicksburg, Confederate President Jefferson Davis's plantation was captured by Union forces. Inside his home were letters between Pierce and Davis revealing their friendship, as well as Pierce's opposition to the war. Just like the time your ex posted those nasty pics of you on Facebook, this did not end well.

Pierce, who already had his share of enemies, was called a traitor by a number of powerful political figures, and faced an angry mob at his doorstep after Lincoln's assassination. Though he eloquently defended himself on the porch of his home after the protesters questioned his allegiance to the USA, the damage had already been done.

Highest Office Held: President of the United States

Thomas Jefferson's beautiful home, Monticello, ranks as one of history's greatest man caves. While Jefferson spent most of his post-political life filling his home with books, wines, and art, he neglected to focus on getting his plantation to turn a profit.

Though he lived the high life nestled in his ornate study, most of his meticulously collected possessions were sold off after his death to satisfy the debts he mounted gathering all that shit in the first place. Jefferson wracked up a massive tab, totalling over a million dollars in today's money.

Highest Office Held: President of the United States

Yes, there is such a thing as too much integrity. When Truman left office, he insisted that he couldn't be on any corporate payroll, and that he wouldn't do endorsements of any kind. He felt that such moves diminished the integrity of the presidency. These high-minded ideals are fine as ideals, but in practice, they didn't work out. Because Truman became a man without money.

Directly after leaving office, he was living on a little over $100 a month. As far as Congress was concerned, this was not a good look. The Former Presidents Act was passed in 1953, granting all ex-POTUSes a $25,000 yearly pension. The wealthy Herbert Hoover took the pension so as not to embarrass Harry.

Highest Office Held: US House of Representatives, Tennessee

Almost a dozen American politicians have dabbled in forgery in our country's illustrious history. Most of the convicted were local politicians and mayors, but in 1964, James Patton Sutton became the second U.S. Congressman to be convicted of counterfeiting (the first was New York Rep. Charles Franklin Mitchell, in 1841).

Appropriately, Sutton went on to work as an investment securities broker later in life. Sounds about right.

Highest Office Held: President of the United States

President Grant decided to take two years to travel the world after leaving office. The problem? He couldn't afford it.

He had little cash left after he returned, and immediately proceeded to make matters worse with a botched run for a third term, the establishment of the fast-failing Mexican Southern Railroad, and the formation of an investment banking business with a man who would ultimately fleece Grant of his remaining cash.

After this string of missteps, he still felt honor-bound to repay a debt to William H. Vanderbilt, whom he owed $100,000. He paid him back by selling his souvenirs from the Civil War. One thing you can say for Grant is that all of this financial idiocy led to the creation of insane memoirs, which ultimately made a lot of other people, including Mark Twain, a lot of money after his death.

Highest Office Held: Queens Borough President

If you thought Rod Blagojevich was the first to try to sell a position of high power, you thought wrong. Cassidy was up to a whole lot of shady business while he was Queens Borough President, using his power to make a killing in real estate. But his real low-point came after leaving office.

Even after he was accused of 47 counts of financial impropriety and indicted for 24 of those charges, he still held serious sway in the game. Cassidy attempted to sell a seat on the New York Supreme Court to William Willet, which finally landed Cassidy a well-deserved one-year term in Sing Sing.

Highest Office Held: South Dakota Senator

Failed presidential contender George McGovern was about as good at running motels as he was at campaigning for America's highest office. His Stratford Inn wasn't even open for two years before the business fell into bankruptcy.

Though McGovern sagely turned the experience into articles and policy proposals regarding small business, the man couldn't escape the fact that he was not cut out for innkeeping.

Writer Dan Woog wrote this surreal piece about spending Super Bowl Sunday in 1990 at McGovern's Inn after the former South Dakota Senator's death last year.

Highest Office Held: President of the United States

Millard Fillmore was a member of three political parties during his lifetime, but was never a Democrat or a Republican. He first ran as a member of the Anti-Masonic Party in 1828, and later joined Congress as a Whig in 1832. He would remain a Whig until after his Presidency, when there were no more Whigs.

The final party he chose was one of the worst in history: the Know Nothing Party. Fillmore couldn't bear to become a Republican, so he took up the mantle of the xenophobic organization remembered primarily for hating German and Irish immigrants. Good call.

Highest Office Held: Governor of Illinois

George Ryan's big move after politics was straight to prison. Ryan was involved in a number of investigations regarding bribes he took in exchange for allowing unqualified truck drivers to obtain trucking licenses.

You'd think his shenanigans would give him a higher rank on the list, as his entire post-political career has been spent in prison, but he had the good sense not to take to the streets and late-night talk shows proclaiming innocence like a number of other disgraced politicos.

He should be getting out later this year; we'll keep you posted on any forthcoming reality shows.

Highest Office Held: Colarado Senator

Gary Hart is best remembered for his failed presidential campaign that fizzled out after photos were released of him with a much younger woman on his yacht, the aptly named Monkey Business. This was two days after he dared the press corp, "Follow me around. I don't care. I'm serious. If anybody wants to put a tail on me, go ahead. They'll be very bored." How do you follow up this exit from the political sphere?

You write a political thriller under the pseudonym John Blackthorn imagining an alternate history of Cuba entitled, I, Che Guerva, that's how.

Time Magazine said of the novel, "His characters wade through the plot as if it were molasses." After all of this, Hart still flirted with a bid for POTUS in 2004. America, shockingly, did not flirt back.

Highest Office Held: US House of Representatives, Maryland

Hindsight being 20/20, it's hard to believe that starting a company that sold pagers in the 1990s was a bad idea. As an ex-NBA star and former Maryland Congressman, Tom McMillen wasn't used to failure. His pager company, McMillen Communications Corp., changed all that.

The company quickly went under and was forced to file for bankruptcy. On the day that they filed Chapter 11, they also attempted to change the name of the company to shield McMillen's future reputation. McMillen had another company, creatively named American Beeper Associates, which went under on the same exact day. The total liabilities between the two companies totaled over half-a-million dollars.

Highest Office Held: Speaker of the US House of Representatives (Georgia)

How does the man responsible for the '96 government shutdown spend his life after politics? The man who once said this about cheating on his first wife: "She's not young enough or pretty enough to be the wife of the president. And besides, she has cancer"—how does that man fade into the background gracefully? Dinosaurs.

Gingrich is a prolific "amateur reviewer" of books on Amazon.com, wrote the introduction to America's Best Zoos, and has gained a reputation as—no shit—a "dinosaur enthusiast."

Highest Office Held: President of the United States

Say what you will about Dick Nixon, but the man had balls. Most men would stay home, tail planted firmly between legs, after being given a full pardon for their crimes without having to provide the slightest admission of guilt. Nixon is not most men.

In December of 1974, only five months after his resignation, Nixon began planning his comeback. The country wasn't about to have that. Nixon found himself largely shunned when he approached the public eye: He had a trip to Australia blocked by the Carter administration, and was ignored by American diplomats on a trip to the U.K. Nixon remained steadfast in his belief that history would be kind to him. Though things did eventually improve a bit for Nixon, as he came to be regarded as a well-traveled elder statesman, his past sins were never fully forgiven.

Highest Office Held: North Carolina Senator

Since his fall from grace, John Edwards has divided his time between court appearances and dish-washing sessions. Edwards's former mistress-while-his-wife-died-of-cancer, turned live-in lover, turned ex-lover, turned tell-all author Rielle Hunter painted a picture of John's new life that is none too inspiring: "He empties the dishwasher. He cooks. I've never tasted a better pancake than Johnny Reid Edwards'."

Hunter bragged about Edwards to People Magazine, dubbing him "Johnny Cakes." Now that Hunter and Edwards have split, he doesn't even have that going for him. There is one bright spot: After a year-long investigation into his alleged misuse of campaign funds to cover up his affair, he was found not guilty.

See, there's always a silver lining.

Highest Office Held: President of the United States

Only one president in U.S. history is remembered as a confirmed traitor, and that president is John Tyler. Tyler did not hesitate to join the Confederacy after his native Virginia seceded from the Union. He was elected to the Confederate Congress and was preparing to serve in Richmond before he died.

Though Tyler wanted a simple funeral, he was given a grand interment as a Confederate hero at the order of Jefferson Davis. Tyler's remains the only presidential funeral to go unrecognized by the United States.

Tyler's horse, "The General," was also buried in grand style, receiving its own gravestone that read:

Here lie the bones of my old horse, "General,"
Who served his master faithfully for twenty-one years,
And never made a blunder.
Would that his master could say the same!

Highest Office Held: US House of Representatives, Florida

Maybe there are worse choices for disgraced public servants than reality TV. After Mark Foley disgraced himself by sending lewd text messages to underage pages, he retreated to his home state of Florida to open a creepy consignment shop. At "Celebrity Consignment," you can purchase items that belong to Foley and his friends.

What do they sell at the shop? Lots of beds, wicker balls, and kumquat trees. Of course, a sad Republican's consignment shop wouldn't be complete without an uncomfortable number of elephant paintings and statuettes for sale as well.

Highest Office Held: Kansas Senator

Most failed presidential candidates take a step out of the limelight after a loss, as it's a great time to lick the wounds. Case in point: We haven't heard much from Mitt Romney lately.

Bob Dole took the opposite tack by becoming a pitchman for Viagra. The boner gig led to other spots for Visa, Dunkin' Donuts, and Pepsi. In case you forgot, or somehow missed it, please watch this long-ass commercial wherein Bob Dole creeps on Britney Spears, dirty old man style.

Highest Office Held: Governor of Alaska

Gubernatorial quitter Sarah Palin has been more reality star than politician for years now. First, there was Sarah Palin's Alaska, which, unfortunately, spawned all sorts of Palin family reality TV appearances.

Dearest daughter Bristol was on Dancing With the Stars twice. Husband Todd had his turn on Stars Earn Stripes, where celebrities compete to see who's best at acting like they're in the military. Then Bristol struck again, getting her son involved with Bristol Palin: Life's a Trip, which wrapped up its first season last summer.

As long as these appearances keep the Palins stay out of elected office, we'll keep watching.

Highest Office Held: US House of Representatives, California

After the disappearance of his one-time mistress Chandra Levy, Gary Condit's political career was as good as dead. Though he was not asked to vacate his Congressional seat as a result of the scandal, he did lose his bid for re-election. So, Condit did the only sensible thing and bought into some Baskin-Robbins franchises in Phoenix. This didn't end well.

The Condits lost several legal battles with Baskin-Robbins, resulting in hefty penalties against the family that only grew larger when Gary elected to not show up for court dates. While attempting to stave off Baskin-Robbins's debt collectors, Condit sued numerous news outlets for libel stemming from the Levy scandal. All but one of these defamation of character suits was dismissed. The judges felt that Condit was doing a pretty good job of defaming himself by that point.

Highest Office Held: President of the United States

Poverty can drive a man to do some wild things. Madison left the presidency far poorer than when he had arrived, after plummeting tobacco prices and an inept stepson pushed his plantation into financial ruin.

With few assets left, Madison became obsessed with the value of his personal letters, which he hoped would sustain his wife Dolly after his death. He spent wild amounts of time rewriting, expanding, and altering his letters, vainly hoping that he could somehow increase their value. There's even proof that he changed Thomas Jefferson's handwriting in some of their correspondence.

All this letter-altering served him about as well as you'd think it would. Dolly Madison was forced to sell Montpelier Mansion and the surrounding lands just to survive after Madison's death.

Highest Office Held: Governor of Minnesota

There isn't much that could surprise when it comes to the professional wrestler who became Governor of Minnesota. Let's try this with a straight face: Ventura currently hosts a show on TruTV called Conspiracy Theory With Jesse Ventura and has authored a book entitled American Conspiracies.

He also wrote 63 Documents the Government Doesn't Want You to Read, which outlines papers that top Brass doesn't want you to know about, even though the docs are readily available in the public domain.

He's doing great, guys. Don't worry.

Highest Office Held: US House of Representatives, Texas

When a politician is accused of a crime, the trajectory is usually resignation, then reality TV, then prison. Tom Delay followed this plan exactly, except that he keeps managing to put off the prison part. First, he resigned from Congress after it was discovered that he was in bed with lobbyist Jack Abramoff. Several years later he donned a "sequined, leopard-print lined vest" for Dancing With the Stars.

When will Delay trade in those sparkly outfits for an orange jumpsuit? Despite being sentenced to three years in 2011, his case is somehow still stuck in the appeals process.

Highest Office Held: Mayor of Cincinnati

Most of the politicians on this list are more famous for their political lives than their post-political downfalls, but Springer will be best remembered for his life after his time as a Cincinnati lawmaker came to an end. You'd have thought his political career would've been dead after he admitted to hiring a prostitute, but he actually mounted a successful mayoral run on the heels of the news.

Springer moved from politics to journalism on his own accord, after an unsuccessful Senate bid. He became a local newsman for a period before finding his true calling as talk show bottom-feeder. As you know, this propelled him to national prominence, allowing you to watch your first televised catfight.

Highest Office Held: Governor of Illinois

It's difficult to disgrace yourself further after you've been arrested on charges of selling a vacant Senate seat. And yet the world has Rod Blagojevich. While Blago's appearance on Celebrity Apprentice is his most memorable attempt to do just that, there were many more ridiculous moves pulled as he plummeted to the bottom.

His wife appeared in his place on I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here! in 2009; he starred in a Second City satirical musical, Rod Blagojevich Superstar; and he claimed that he was "blacker than Barack Obama" before he was shipped off for his 12-year prison sentence.

Excellent work, sir.

Highest Office Held: Governor of Louisiana

For a man who had once planned to be a preacher, Edwin Edwards had an amazingly corrupt political career. As early as his first term as Governor of Louisiana in the 1970s, Edwards was accused of corruption. He was somehow able to overcome the accusations, even as they continued to mount, and win three more terms as governor.

Only after he retired from the political game did the feds catch up with him. In 1998, charges of fraud, racketeering, money laundering, and extortion finally stuck. Edwards did almost a decade of time before finishing his sentence in a halfway house in 2011. Then, the disgraced ex-governor further outpaced the competition when he married his prison pen pal Trina Grimes Scott, a woman 51 years his junior, after he got out of the clink.

Their reality show, The Governor's Wife begins next month on A&E.