10 Signs You Aren't Over Your Ex

Turns out you miss more than the sex.

August 26, 2013

Image via Complex Original

Men hate to admit that they aren't over their ex. No sooner do we end the cycle of make-up sex, fighting, break-up sex, and packing our shit than we start telling everyone just how little we think about the girl who just walked away. You're welcome to keep telling your boys that you never think about her, that you've moved on, that you were just in it for the sex, but whatever lie you choose, just don't lie to yourself.

Odds are that you'll endure months of wrestling with the memories of your relationship before you can finally put it behind you. Rather than spending that time telling yourself that you don't care about her and drinking until you believe it, be honest with yourself. If you're one of those guys who have buried his feelings as deeply as possible, beneath layers of liquor, random hook-ups, and obsessing over your fantasy football team, it might be time to admit that even though your girl is no longer in your bed, she's still taking up space in your mind. Here are 10 Signs That You Aren't Over Your Ex.

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10. You're Still Doing Shit For Her

We all know that guy who tries to remain friends with their lady from the moment they split. It's interesting how that friendship tends to work in one direction. He's putting up shelves in her kitchen. He's installing her new router. He's helping her move into some other guy's apartment. And she just keeps asking him to do more shit.

Don't be that guy. Everyone pities that guy. This is not to say that you and the ex can't someday be friends. On that day (in the distant future) yours will be a different relationship, with different expectations and parameters than you had when you were an item. Friends don't sleep with each other. Don't believe us? Do you and your college buddies fool around when you meet up to watch football on Sundays? We didn't think so. Friendship also means that you can say "no." If you're buddy asks you to help him move a couch, you expect a six pack and a favor to be named later.

An unpaid handyman and a friend are two different things, and neither of them are getting laid.

9. No Other Woman is Good Enough

You shouldn't necesssarily jump right out of one relationship and into another, but if you used to be the kind of guy that would sleep with anything that moved, and now you find something wrong with every woman you meet, silently criticizing the way she eats or the way her hair smells, you might just be wishing that your new date was a clone of the old one. The odds that you'll like the next woman you go out with, let alone want to get into a relationship with her, are low, so do her and you a favor and try not to compare her to your ex. It takes a lot for most men to get into committed relationships. Just because the next girl you take out probably isn't going to be Miss Right doesn't mean that you can't enjoy spending time with Miss Almost-Right while you wait for your soulmate to come along.

8. You're Closing Down The Bar Every Night

There will be some drinking involved in the aftermath of your relationship. If your friends are worth a damn, a good amount of it will be free. If after a few benders, you still find yourself at the bar every night, it might be time to dry out and think about why you're self-medicating with Jack Daniels. Homer Simpson once told us that alcohol was "the cause of and solution to all of life's problems," and while this may be true, it only solves your problems for so long. We know it feels great to finally be able to go out with your boys again now that you're a free man. If your boys go home for the night and you're still nursing a Miller High Life and staring at the bartender's tits, it might be time to consider some other post-breakup hobbies.

7. You Still Blindly Defend Her to Your Boys

While you were dating, your friends had to keep quiet about all of the things that they couldn't stand about your girl. Whether she kept you in one weekend too many, had the worst taste in music, or always corrected people's grammar, there is something about her that your friends couldn't stand. Even if your ex was perfect, your friends are going to toss out criticisms of your former flame to make you feel better. Let them. That whole unconditional love thing is over now that you're no longer in love. You shouldn't sit around all day and mediate on her flaws, but you no longer have to play the white knight when people take shots at your ex-lover.

Besides, you know you hated the way she slurped her tea as much as they did.

6. You Change Your Schedule to Avoid Seeing Her

It's hard to believe you don't care about her any more if you are taking a different route to class, avoiding the gym after dinner, or taking the stairs instead of the elevator so that you don't have to see her. Odds are that you and your girl have similar interests, which means that you share favorite restaurants, hobbies, and friends. Though we have often wished we could have an attorney split custody of our friends and favorite bars, life isn't so clean. You will probably run into your ex at one point or another, even if you start taking the backroads and only travelling by jumping from fire escape to fire escape. The sooner you come to terms with the idea that you might someday see your ex-girlfriend, the less crazy you'll seem and the sooner you'll be able to move on to the girl who will become your next ex.

5. You're Fixing Yourself to Get Her Back

Now that you've lost the girl of your dreams, you are going to set about fixing all of the things that bothered her about you? Good plan bro. First off, if your girl was always trying to change shit about you, then maybe this wasn't the ideal relationship that you are telling yourself it was. Even if she made reasonable requests, like asking you to wear fresh clothes on the daily and refrain from eating nachos in bed, changing those things now isn't going to bring her back. We hope that every relationship will make us a better person, but you should make changes in your life for yourself, not for the one that got away.

4. You're Judging the New Men in Her Life

Back in the day, we imagine that when someone walked out of your life, you had to walk after them if you wanted to see them again. These days, Facebook and Twitter have created an almost unbreakable link between us and everyone we've ever slept with. Sure, you can hide your girl's statuses, but are you going to cut out all of her friends' and her friends friends' from your digital life? Probably not. That means that when she goes out with a new guy, you might come face to face with his corny ass smile on your newsfeed. It will be almost impossible to contain the flares of jealousy, but do your best to scroll past him and back to the memes, Vines, and vacation pictures that make your newsfeed so great.

3. You Rebound More Than Dwight Howard

We've all tried to sleep our way out of a painful break-up, and though we endorse casual hook-ups as a temporary emotional band-aid, they don't exactly provide closure. If you are doing your best Wilt Chamberlin impression after a tough break-up, you are probably not being fair to the ladies you are taking out or your bank account. Sex is pretty much everyone's favorite thing, and you owe yourself a rebound fling or two before you get back into a committed relationship. If you find yourself waking up next to a new girl every few days, pat yourself on the back because you still have game, and then develop a new game plan before you catch something or spend all of your hard earned money on appletinis and cosmos for the ladies.

2. You're Obsessing About Getting Your Stuff Back

If your girl has your Playstation, your signed jersey, or your dog, then we understand. Otherwise, it isn't about your stuff that she has, it's about the emotional baggage you're carrying and can't get rid of. If you're focused on how much you want her to return that oversized college t-shirt or those Austin Powers blu-rays, then it is time to direct your attentions elsewhere. If you must get that box of crap back from her, arrange a quick exchange and rip off the band-aid. There are many times, however, when getting the stuff isn't even worth it, and it might just be time to buy some new oversized t-shirst and move on.

There is no amount of old, comfy t-shirts that will buy you peace of mind.

1. You Can't Stop Telling People That You're Over Her

The surest sign that you aren't over your last relationship is telling everyone that you're over your last relationship. If you find yourself boring your friends with tales of just how well adjusted you are to your new life as a single man, with all of the lying around in your own filth and trying desperately to get laid that comes with it, know that you aren't fooling anyone but yourself. Truly not caring means that you don't have to talk about it, and a man who has found closure with an ex definitely isn't bringing her up during every gap in the conversation. They say "out of sight out or mind," but you would do well to start by keeping the ex's name out your mouth if you want to see those emotional scars start to heal.