Ranking the Best (and Worst) IKEA Furniture To Have Sex On

Thanks to budgetary and spatial constraints, many city dwellers find IKEA furniture is the perfect fit for their cramped apartments and nearly empty wallets. If you've ever been to IKEA, you know that purchasing anything there can be a real pain in the ass. The store is a labyrinth of chairs and couches, and you'll need the mandatory two and a half hour walkthrough just to figure out what the hell you're going to buy (and how you're going to get it home).

We have a solution. Most people consider things like color scheme and feng shui when making furniture purchases. Please. With an attitude that basic, you might as well buy your furniture at Pier 1 Imports with your lame aunt. The most important consideration for a bohemian urbanite like yourself is how your furniture is going to handle erotically. We know that sex is your first priority, and that means it should be the only thing you're thinking about when you're deciding on home decor. We've done the dirty work of Ranking IKEA Furniture From Best to Worst to Have Sex On. You're welcome.

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Price: $24.99
Comfort: 1
Sexual degree of difficulty: 9
Best position: Unknown

Listen: we don't recommend this one. If you have filthy fantasies of getting nasty atop a trash can, at least opt for something industrial strength. This piece is only twenty inches high, so it offers the sexual disadvantages of an ottoman with none of the comfort. If you can find a position that makes hooking up on the Knodd worthwhile, let us know. In the mean time, we'll continue to insist that your sexual experience with this trash can will be garbage.

Price: $29.99
Comfort: 1
Sexual degree of difficulty: 9
Best position: Standing Mountain Climber

This piece's slender frame and awkward dimensions might remind you of the girl your lost your virginity to, but that doesn't mean the Mulig is top notch sexual furniture. A more robust shelving unit would at least provide a sturdy surface to lean against, but with its barebones design, the Mulig is good for little more than its intended use.

Price: $310
Comfort: 1
Sexual degree of difficulty: 10
Best position: Doggy Style

Though the Pax provides far more support for from-behind positions than more fragile units like the Mulig, it is limited in its sexual utility. Hooking up inside this wardrobe is incredibly difficult and banging atop the Pax is incredibly unsafe. At the end of the day, the Pax provides little more erotic benefit than a sturdy wall.

Price: $69
Comfort: 2
Sexual degree of difficulty: 5
Best position: Modified Standing Dragon

The Alve is more of a sexual crutch than a piece to actually have sex on. If you view the Alve as an aid to your sensual activities and don't expect it to support the full weight of you and your partner, you might get some use out of this tiny desk.

Price: $39.99
Comfort: 4
Sexual degree of difficulty: 6
Best position: Spinning Waterfall

If you've had sex on an office chair before (and really, who hasn't?), the experience of banging on the Jules will feel familiar. The wheels can be both a benefit and a hindrance depending on the position, and the give of the seat is a welcome bonus.

Price: $19.99
Comfort: 3
Sexual degree of difficulty: 6
Best position: Standing Wheelbarrow

Yes, it's a box, but it's also so much more. Though the Expedit isn't the ideal piece of sexual furniture for every position, you can aid almost any erotic activity you can think of with this versatile, modular shelving unit.

Price: $39.99
Comfort: 2
Sexual degree of difficulty: 4
Best position: Table Top

Though the Molger doesn't provide the voyeuristic titilation of hooking up on a park bench, the unforgiving wood can give you, well, unforgiving wood. If your partner can stand the potential discomfort that comes with making it atop the Molger, you both stand to benefit.

Price: $59.99
Comfort: 5
Sexual degree of difficulty: 5
Best position: Face Off

You may be a little skiddish about the exhibitionism that comes with banging on outdoor furniture, but if you opt to make this underrated chair the co-star of your patio pornography, you won't be sorry. With the comfort of a hammock and stability of a heavy-duty lawn chair, you'll have the best of both worlds while exploring her backyard in your backyard.

Price: $249
Comfort: 1
Sexual degree of difficulty: 9
Best position: Doggy Style

Kitchen hookups can get messy. We've all had a night when we've lost ourselves in a bout of passion on the kitchen table only to realize that we didn't clean up after dinner as well as we thought we did. Adding an Olofstorp to your kitchen will provide a managable surface that you can keep consistently clean for spur of the moment sex.

Price: $139
Comfort: 4
Sexual degree of difficulty: 6
Best position: Iron Chef

Have you ever wanted to feel like you're banging your secretary without the sticky sexual harassment claims and generous severance package? We highly recommend getting frisky in your home office. Not only will you (likely) avoid litigation, but the odds of your co-workers walking in on you are exponentially lower.

Price: $399.99
Comfort: 6
Sexual degree of difficulty: 6
Best position: Lap Dance

Bring new meaning to the words "Stockholm Syndrome" with this little number. If you add a Stockholm to your home, you and your partner will be each other's sexual captives every time you cross paths in the living room.

Price: $59.99
Comfort: 7
Sexual degree of difficulty: 5
Best position: The Hot Seat

This chair is practially a piece of modern art, and as such, will motivate you to elevate the aesthetic of your lovemaking. You, your partner, and the chair may just come together to look like a sculpture out of a MOMA exhibit if you approach Skarpö sex with the reverence and dedication it deserves.

Price: $29.99
Comfort: 7
Sexual degree of difficulty: 4
Best position: Modified Reverse Cowgirl

The Poäng offers the graceful movement of a rocking chair without the constant fear that you're going to tip over. If you want the motion of the ocean without the possibility of capsizing, the Poäng is the sexual vessel for you.

Price: $69.99
Comfort: 8
Sexual degree of difficulty: 8
Best position: Seated Lotus

Though this piece is technically meant for a child, thrifty lovers will note that a good sex swing can cost you hundreds of dollars. Though it might get a little cramped in there, sometimes you have to make small sacrifices to enjoy big savings while satisfying your sexual cravings.

Price: $1479
Comfort: 9
Sexual degree of difficulty: 2
Best position: Couch Surfer

There are as many phenomenal sexual positions to enjoy as there are modular adjustments to make on the Kivik. Just as IKEA's website boasts over a dozen Kivik designs, you'll be able to boast dozens of perfected positions if you throw yourself wholeheartedly into exploring the erotic opportunities of this dynamic couch.