Marijuana Dispensary Names the Booming Bud Business Should Use

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Clientele: College Kids
Staff: College Kids
Price point: Low
Yelp review: 2 Stars

Higher Education would be built for rapid expansion across Colorado's college campuses. The dorm room posters and local sports memorabilia let you know that the store should feel like your second dorm—your dorm away from dorm. They have affordable options for students and even accept payment via your university meal plan. The employees are always high and the trash cans are always filled with cheese fries.

Clientele: The Elderly
Staff: Old Hippies
Price point: Medium
Yelp review: 3 Stars

This is a place where ganja lovers in their golden age can bond over recreational marijuana usage. Dominoes games and Matlock reruns are regular sights, and yes, they take Medicare. It has excellent service, but it smells weird, and not in the way you expect.

Clientele: Those who prefer their weed funneled through a Dutch Master
Staff: Ballers
Price point: High
Yelp review: 4.5 Stars 

You may be surprised to see that price point, but this is a home to more than bodega blunts. They've combined the best aspects of a cigar shop with the most knowledgeable horticulturists to create a blunt-tastic experience. It's time to hotbox the humidor. From Dutch Masters to Cohibas, if you want to smoke a blunt, this is the place you want to be.

Clientele: Outdoorsy Types
Staff: Dudes who work at REI and need a second job.
Price point: Medium
Yelp review: 4.5 Stars

You'll only find Wild Green Yonder locations nestled in the most pristine wilderness. Every WGY location has acres of land that customers are welcome to explore if they "need some fresh air."

Clientele: Edibles Connoisseurs
Staff: Knowledgeable bakers.
Price Point: Medium
Average Yelp Review: 4 Stars

Ambiance: Feels just like the bakery from your hometown, from the smell of fresh-baked cookies to the heat from the ovens. Also, there's weed, so it's a lot better. It's just like you wish your mom used to bake.

Clientele: Moochers
Staff: Pawn shop staffers.
Price point: Low
Yelp review: 2 Stars 

This is the marijuana equivalent of a cash-til-payday store. You can buy here by the joint or the hit, and they've got check-cashing services on hand. No they're not going to take an I.O.U.

Clientele: Family Friendly
Staff: The same empty nesting moms who work at Pier One Imports.
Price point: Medium
Yelp review: 3.5 Stars

This mid-level tree-tail chain is aimed at the modern suburban mom on the go. Between your stops at Kohl's and JambaJuice, feel free to swing in to restock the medicinal cabinet. Complimentary daycare for those willing to entrust their kids to the employees. 

Clientele: Hooters Customers
Staff: Well-endowed women
Price Point: Low
Yelp review: 2 Stars

The same strategy is employed here that you see at Hooters or the Tilted Kilt. Why worry about high-quality product or decent ambiance when you can have the workers show you their cleavage? The good news is that all the bros would take care of their business here and not annoy the customers at high-quality dispensaries.

Clientele: Intellectuals
Staff: Adjunct professors
Price point: High
Yelp review: 3 Stars

This is the place for those educated types who want nothing more in life than to re-enact the smoking scene from Animal House. Think comfy leather chairs, book shelves, vintage decor, and Pitchfork. 

Clientele: Dates
Staff: Waiters
Price Point: High
Yelp review: 4.5 Stars

Many couples can't decide whether to go on a romantic date or just stay in and get high. Now you can have the best of both worlds. After you make your purchase at Two Hitters, you'll be escorted to a delightful outdoor seating area where you'll be left to your own smoking devices. Candles and live music complete the ideal dank dating experience.

Clientele: Craft Beer Snobs
Staff: Thirty-something bearded guys
Price point: High
Yelp review: 4 Stars 

Grad students and dads who get off on brewery tours will love this spot. Boulder, CO Dispensing Co. takes you through every aspect of its kush production process and shows you exactly how they come away with only the dankest of nugs you'll ever see. From growth to smoke, go behind the scenes through every step of the process.

Clientele: People who really think their use is medicinal
Staff: Yoga Teachers
Price point: Medium
Yelp review: 4 Stars 

This is a place to to find the release you need. Get your weed, your sauna, your acupuncture, whatever you need to help the strains of the world melt away. At Chronic Condition, they'll care for your mind and your body. You'll be so relaxed you'll forgot what day it is. Namaste. 

Clientele: People who don't want anyone to know they smoke
Staff: People who can keep a secret
Price point: Medium
Yelp review: 2 Stars 

The goal of Secret Stash is to provide a straightforward and discrete way to get weed for those who are still paranoid about smoking even though it's legal. The windows are tinted, the bags are unmarked, and the customers really need to chill out because they aren't sure if that they are doing is fully legal.

Clientele: People actually into stoner culture
Staff: People with dreads wearing drug rugs
Price point: Medium
Yelp review: 2.5 Stars

At the Phish Bowl, you can indulge all your stoner culture bullshit so the rest of the world doesn't have to deal with it. They sell tapestries, drug rugs, incense, novelty shirts, Phish albums, and anything else your stoner heart desires. Yes, they sell that sign that says "Interstate 420." There's also a lot of tie dye.

Clientele: Bargain Hunters
Staff: Those who failed Wal-Mart and Target's drug test.
Price point: Very Low
Yelp review: 3 Stars "Get better value with your Dealer Discount card." 

Every industry needs a bargain basement retailer, and this is the place to go if you just want to get high as cheaply as you can. This is the Costco of weed, and the customers don't mind if sometimes they smoke a little oregano.