The 10 Best @Vice_Is_Hip Tweets So Far

Image via Complex Original

Imagined excerpt: "It's easy for most teens to get a thrill out of something that's innately exciting. Paintball, graffiti, and even sky diving no longer do it for these jaded youths because the thrills are built in. They hate nothing more than enjoying something they are supposed to enjoy. That night, I learned that the greatest pleasure for a bored teen is to take something mundane and make it dangerous."

Imagined excerpt: "Though his people had never seen a camera before Nat. Geo. sent their photographers to the island, it turns out their language already had a word that roughly translates to 'selfie.'"

Imagined excerpt: "'Out of rum. Why! Why are we out of rum?' It didn't matter how many heists Afwenye had pulled off in his long career in piracy. A life lived on the edge, it turns out, doesn't necessarily translate to comedic timing. For what it's worth, by the time we left them, he had Captain Sparrow's walk down, and was bringing the kind of entertainment to local children that our audience members could only dream of."

Imagined excerpt: "You don't think of Goofy as a traditionally beautiful creature. But on that bitter cold evening, with the Aurora Borealis dancing overhead, Arrluk made me understand that the clumsy dog-man was more lovely than all of Walt Disney's Princesses combined."

Imagined excerpt: "Somehow, Cowell's notoriously acerbic tongue didn't seem quite as harsh when his barbs were directed towards the laborers hammering away at those boulders. Maybe it was their incredible resolve in the face of such gruesome punishment, maybe it was because they truly were the worst singers I had ever heard. Regardless, I felt far less empathy than I expected to on that crisp Autumn day."

Imagined excerpt: "It was a fitting setting for Shaggy's tearful confessional. This time he wasn't 'butt naked,' but his tearful apology to those he had wronged did take place on the cold, unforgiving tiles of the bathroom floor."

Imagined excerpt: "The strangest thing about the museum was that Orville Johnston, the resident 'historian,' had put so much effort into endowing the exhibits with historical context. Encino Man taught me a great deal about how Cro-Magnan man actually lived. Son-in-Law shed new light on the industrial revolution. Bio-Dome provided shrewd insight regarding the direction our world could be headed in, should we squander our natural resources."

Imagined excerpt: "'Not even the bell can save you now,' he cackled and moaned for the fourth time in broken English."

Imagined excerpt: "'It's strange,' Miyamato began as he chugged his sixth saké bomb, 'to see the same barrels that gave me nightmares for so many years bring joy to so many.' I had about as much to drink as he did that night, but it still wasn't enough to make me think I could ask about the Princess. When we spoke on the phone prior to our interview, the darkness in his voice told me that was a castle door that would remain forever barred."

Imagined excerpt: "It was a unique experience, one that you only come close to in a petri dish or in a maternity ward. Watching such an event take place conjures images of a dystopian future where clones are an everyday reality. At the same time, you can't help but think about creation, the beginning of everything. Needless to say, after the project was finished, we used the new printer to print another printer, and so on and so on, until the sun came up and our whiskey bottles were completely drained."