Image via Complex Original
2014 is officially here. It's time to put an end to perfunctory glorification of all the was great in 2013 and contemplate what we are going to leave behind in the New Year. 2013 proved that GIFs are now the official language of the Internet, and much like Shakespeare proved with actual language, it is vital that they be a living, breathing form of communication. A New Year should mean new GIFs. Before we embrace the many many MANY GIFs to come in 2014, we need to get rid of some of the old to make room for the new. No, we won't be jettisoning clutch GIFs like Rob Ford playing the bongos, Michelle Obama side-eyes, or the Russian Meteor, but some GIFs that have grown near and dear to your Tumblrs need to go. Some are tasteless; some are overused; some are simply to powerful for the Internet. It may hurt at first, but it will be best for all of us in the long run. Here are 15 GIFs We Can Retire Now.
Feels
It's about time we stopped using the word "feels," a phrase that simplifies, even infantalizes, emotion. Rather than zero in on exactly how something affected us and reflecting on it, we retreat to this fuzzy gray blanket of a word until the feeling passes. "Feels" is a hate crime on the English language, and the first step to rooting it out is to rid ourselves of "Feels" GIFs.
"Blurred Lines" GIFs
Yes, Emily Ratajkowski's performance in this video is a gift to pubescent boys the world over, but let's stop it with the "Blurred Lines" GIFs. Besides, the final word on mocking the ridiculous "What rhymes with hug me?" line was the creation of this site. May 2014 be the year of anything but Robin Thicke.
Hump Day
Get it, because camels have humps, and day-to-day life is such endless drudgery that it is culturally sanctioned that you hate every day of the work week but Friday?
Geico had a good run, but at this point, they are coasting on their caveman and lizard glory days like a faded starlet who only allows herself to be photographed under soft lights after hours in the make-up chair.
Mitt Romney Ironing Himself
Political mockery GIFs are definitely some of our favorite GIFs. However, it might be good karma not to add insult to injury; if someone has been beaten out of the political arena, perhaps it is time to give them a pass. The Rubio water bottle and the myriad Boehner crying GIFs are still fair game because those men are still day-to-day players in the political game. Leave Romney alone to lick his wounds and we'll resurrect all the embarrassing GIFs when he makes his inevitable ill-fated political comeback.
Exploding Sperm Whale
This one is just gross.
House of Cards "I Have No Patience for Useless Things"
House of Cards began with the greatest self-spoiling moment since Green Eggs and Ham (Spoiler: turns out they taste good). Though the series had a strong first season, some of the more heavy-handed moments weighed down this otherwise taut, buoyant drama. Let's not encourage showrunners to indulge in more facile symbolism and on-the-nose foreshadowing; it's time to give this GIF a mercy killing.
"A Man's Gotta Have A Code"
This quote sounded quite badass when Omar spoke it on The Wire and was equal in its badassery when Michael K. Williams uttered it again in a Community nod to the HBO show. It does not sound badass when you toss out this GIF in reference to your behavior on comment threads or opinions shared on your blog. People who are actually hard aren't posting GIFs on the web. (Yes, I am aware this makes me "not hard." I have come to terms with that.)
Infinity
The beauty of GIFs is that they don't make us think, at least not for long. We want to have a visceral reaction to a GIF, and then quickly forget that flicker of emotion it evoked. This is why cuddly animals and reality television are treasure troves of GIF source material. A deep feeling of insignificance in the vast world resulting in an existential crisis is certainly not what we want from our GIFs.
Get this GIF out of here before it makes us feel more.
Cheryl Cole "Okay"
Cheryl Cole is a British singer, but you probably know her best from this GIF. The sarcastic "okay" followed by a side-eye is the default move of disrespectful teenagers, and this GIF is the digital shorthand for that sassy, thoughtlessly dismissive gesture.
Numerous sources have listed this GIF as one of the Internet's most overused, which speaks to its power. Just watching it once, even if it isn't employed in reference to something you posted, will make you feel flagrantly disrespected.
This GIF may be too powerful for the Internet and must be contained.
Obamacare Uncle Sam OBGYN
Conservatives are terrible at two things: humor and appealing to young people. This GIF comes from a campaign attempting to do both. Generation Opportunity is a Virginia-based group hoping to convince college students that affordable healthcare is a bad idea with a combination of hot girls handing out beer koozies at tailgates and creepy commercials. Don't use this GIF, even in jest, as it may make Tea Partiers think they are successfully connecting with America's youth.
Also, this GIF is really creepy.
Weird, Rapey Mario
Nerdy. Misogynist. Rapey. Not funny. Of course, the Internet loves it.
Citizen Kane slow clap
It has been over seventy years since Citizen Kane's release, but the film still stands as one of cinema's greatest achievements and this slow clap remains one of the greatest slow claps ever clapped. It pains us to call for the retirement of this GIF, and maybe, after a brief respite, we'll be at the front lines demanding a Jordan style come back. For now, it is time to put this one in moth balls, as Internet users resort to this GIF as readily as the film's script mentions "Rosebud.
David Tenant Crying in the Rain
This GIF be the ultimate expression of sadness in human history. Move over Year of Magical Thinking; step aside Elliot Smith; suck it Terms of Endearment. In this little GIF, we understand the true depths of human pain. But, all good GIFs must eventually head to that great Photoshop preset folder in the sky. If we dont' shelve this Hall of Fame GIF, at least for a while, we'll never have a chance to find GIFs with a fresh perspective on soul-crushing sadness.
Techno Viking
Techno Viking was the "Gangnam Style" or Grumpy Cat of GIFs this year, and deservedly so. Now that the Gospel of the Techo Viking has been spread to every corner of the Internet, it might be time to retire him so that new champion may be crowned in 2014. Don't worry, when Techno Viking hears the clarion call from his auto-tuned ram's horn, he will descend from Internet Valhalla and rescue us in our time of greatest web comment need.
Miley Twerking
No GIF captured the Internet's imagination in 2013 quite like the Twerk Heard 'Round the World. Now 2013 is over. The year-end reflections have been written. The thinkpieces have been overthought. Can we now officially end any content, discussion, and re-memeing of this viral publicity stunt?
"Wrecking Ball" GIFs are still fair game btw, in case you were wondering; we've still got another solid month or two on that one.
