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Once a year, Jimmy Kimmel does the planet a solid by asking TV-hungry parents to trick their children into thinking they ate all of their righteously amassed Halloween candy. The results, of course, are always hilarious. As Sarah Silverman showed during an awesomely expletive-filled segment on Wednesday's show, however, this seasonal fake-out often has unintended consequences.
After informing Kimmel that she had brought along a "special guest" who had been "very affected" by him, a young man supposedly named Thomas entered the studio and told his harrowing story of post-Halloween existential malaise.
"Well, about five years ago my parents had told me that they had eaten all my Halloween candy," he told Kimmel. "I was devastated. Like any other kid, I'd wait for this one night, you know, all year. I was 7 years old when it happened and now I don't know what I am. I'm a broken person. I have trust issues...I don't even know who I am anymore. My mom doesn't even know who I am anymore. So, mom, guess what? I don't even know who you are anymore!"
Now, "Thomas" added, he can't even walk into a CVS or visit a movie theater concession stand without having some sort of physical reaction. "You know what, fuck you, Kimmel," he said. "Fuck you straight up the ass with a Snickers bar!" Silverman also stuck around for some non-Halloween discussion, which you can watch below:
Last year's edition of the I Told My Kids I Ate All Their Halloween Candy challenge, introduced by Jennifer Lawrence, included one of its most heartwarming moments yet: a kid shooting the bird finger at his trickster parents. Hopefully, the 2018 edition will include multiple instances of the same thing.