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With the inauguration of a former (current?) reality TV personality now just days away, we still don't have any details on Republicans' alleged plan for an Affordable Care Act replacement. Republicans, as evidenced in their pizza-fueled marathon session last week, are hell-bent on repealing President Obama's signature act but have been much less than forthcoming when it comes to comforting the millions of Americans who stand to lose coverage. As Stephen Colbert explained on Monday's Late Show, this aversion to specifics is likely intentional.
"Obama is determined to protect his entire legacy," Colbert said in the return of his Colbert Report-nodding "The Werd" segment. "And Republicans are just as determined to make sure his entire legacy is that time he wore mom jeans. They're gonna get rid of everything he's done, starting with the Affordable Care Act, which they've already voted to kill more than 60 times."
Though Republicans have spent the better part of 6 years trying to dismantle the ACA, Colbert reminded viewers Monday that their current effort is likely the real deal. "This time, Republicans mean it," he said. Referencing Trump's sudden vow to offer "insurance for everybody" in a Washington Post interview over the weekend, Colbert dissected the real meaning of that promise.
"Don't worry," Colbert told the nation. "If you're losing your Obamacare, you will be 'beautifully covered,' either by insurance or 6 feet of dirt. Either way, just beautiful. So nice. So beautiful."
The main problem with Republicans' promise to "repeal and replace" the ACA, a battle Colbert jokingly likened to "death panels," is that whole "replace" thing. But Colbert has a theory on what exactly Republicans are doing: They're fucking us over. "Republicans are right to keep us in the dark," Colbert said in closing. "I know when someone is screwing me, I like to keep the lights off."